I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[smallwolf]

MF,

I think we tend to think more harshly about ourselves than we should. I read the latest posts by you and I noticed a few accomplishments. Write those down on some paper and stick them into the accomplishments jar. The washing, and clean sheets. There is nothing better than getting into a bed with clean sheets!

I was going to ask how your team went... But then I asked my son. Found out that your team won. My team is at the bottom of the ladder. Hint: they won 3 times in the early 2000s.

Your thoughts about Uni placements are natural. I would say that you are not human if you were not nervous. There is nothing you can do between now and then, so when you have any negative thoughts, thank your mind and move on. And when the offers cone out, deal with it then. Thinking of you and finger crossed and peaceful thoughts.

[Music_Freak]

Yeah I'm a little proud of myself for getting some housework done...still a lot more to do, but I did some.

I think today will be a mostly bed day, I don't feel up to much, but we'll see, I might change my mind

Brisbane aren't having a good time of it are they, mind you, I was shocked to hear that West Coast are near top. I haven't really followed any of it for a while.

I'm going to try and do more “how to” assignment research this week and sort my workspace on the dining room table...not sure there's much else I can do.

[Music_Freak]

Uni work space is as sorted as it can be, well, it's tidy enough. Last uni related stuff is to learn how to write essays and stuff and buy text books/stationary/clothes (for workshops/placements) etc. But that all happens if/when I get an offer...

All that's left to in the house to do (other than the usual) is my bedroom and the kitchen organising/tidying...not a clue where to start with them...that's next weekend and the weekend after anyway.

I'm currently battling sleeping too much, dozed until 11. I can't find a happy medium, I either don't sleep very much at all or struggle to wake up (without sleep meds). I'm a mess all round really 😞

[Music_Freak]

Back to the dentist in the morning to get my teeth looked at again...it's the bottom teeth this time...why am I so utterly defective?!

Should be fun getting there when I can't get out of bed.

Wish these uni offers would happen, so I could just be put out of my misery one way or another...the waiting and not knowing is torture!!

[Emmy.]

Aaww Narelle you poor thing with your teeth. It’s often the way isn’t it, it doesn’t rain it pours. Are you needing fillings in your bottom teeth. Good on you for still going though and not cancelling!

[Music_Freak]

I've had all the fillings I need, but still get pain when I eat.

I'm just so done with everything...I'm expecting to not get a uni offer anyway.

I'm getting stomach pain, so painkillers may help me sleep a little. Buddy's in his leg tent snoring so I might need some help with sleeping tonight

[Music_Freak]

Yay me, I didn't cancel...but wanted to.

The dentist thinks the pain is because I've been grinding my teeth due to stress. Totally makes sense, but sucks.

Hopefully it all settles soon.

I'm sitting on the bus trying not to fall asleep...beyond tired today. Going to crawl into bed and sleep when I get home, I think.

[Music_Freak]

D-day tomorrow....

Offer date.

Will likely be mostly absent from here, other than posting a yay or nay offer post...not really coping that great lately...

[Birdy77]

Hey MF,

Sorry you're having a rough time of it darl.

Try to give yourself a break, let those words you read on my thread settle and give comfort to your heart. It's absolutely ok if all you did today was survive. Surviving us good.

Better days are ahead.

I know you are nervous about tomorrow. Remember it goes in rounds, so even if you don't get an offer tomorrow, it doesn't mean you're out of the game.

Be gentle on yourself MF. Are you cuddled up with Buddy under his leg tent?

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Birdy 🙂

I know tomorrow isn't the be all and end all, it just feels like it.

Waiting another 2 weeks would be hell right now...I don't know how I'll occupy my brain while I wait until then (or even longer!). I'm not sure what the last possible offer date is either...

Buddy is just snoring at the foot of my bed at the moment, he might demand the leg tent later - I can't imagine why he likes it, but he does 🙂