I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Well...I had a nap between about 6-8pm and made a cup or tea with an ordinary tea bag instead of my decaf ones. Hopefully my sleep isn't too screwed up...

I started a pet thread in the staying well section (Pets - how they help us stay “well”). Not sure I like the title but it's just a happy place to brag about our pets, basically.

[Emmy.]

I’ll go check out the thread 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for posting in my pets thread, I enjoyed reading about Poochie 🙂 I will post more about Buddy soon.

So today was D-day as far as starting uni assignment research etc and I found a bit as well as study skill online workshops that I will SO need, since I'm studying online (I've put the dates and times on my fridge already!). There's some stuff I can't access not being an enrolled student yet as well.

My overall feeling is still "what on earth have I gone and done - I can't do this", but I'm trying to stay semi positive about the whole thing, and thinking about having a job and earning money if the positivity fails me. I really would hate myself if I ended up dropping out or something.

I feel really overwhelmed and can't decide if I want to cry or go to sleep. Waking up with a headache doesn't help anything though. I wonder if it will get any easier...

[Emmy.]

First of all ... congrats for getting it! That’s great news 🙂

Would you consider going to orientation week, know you said you’re going to study online but sometimes you can get a lot of information in o-week. And meet up with others.

Keep holding on to the end goal you want to achieve. Imagine how rewarding the work will be. Are you still thinking you’d like to help children.

It’ll definitely get easier, but you’ve made the first steps which is the hardest. Go easy on yourself. Remember one day at a time. Xx

[Music_Freak]

I still need to get an offer and the waiting is getting annoying now.

I'll think about orientation, I guess it could be a good idea.

I think I'd want to work with kids because I did do a bit of childcare before realising I didn't like it but I'm not 100% sure.

Yeah one day at a time...and more research/reading up on stuff tomorrow for about 2 hours, if I feel ok

[Emmy.]

Oh sorry I must of misinterpreted that. Just when I read you were researching assignments I thought you’d must have got an offer. Sorry.

What aspect of childcare did you not like? Perhaps consider if any of those aspects would affect the role you want to do. Might help with your decision.

[Music_Freak]

Don't worry, I misunderstand things all the time.

I hated the being over worked and under paid. I know social work is a bit the same but at least I wouldn't get sick every second week from the kids.

It seems that I still have a lot of thinking to do...

[Music_Freak]

I'm suddenly feeling really down and feel like I'm going to cry.

It came out of nowhere...as soon as I climbed into bed 😞

[Emmy.]

You ok Narelle? Here for you if you want to chat. Xx

[Music_Freak]

I don't know Emmy...

I just cried for no apparent reason. Then I started thinking about my mum and just felt so alone.

I couldn't even sleep restfully (5:30am)

If it's just stress or something, what am I going to be like if/when uni study starts??