I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Carol, I will get to the doctor, but it's difficult to get there at the moment, also, one doctor is only at my surgery on Wednesday and the other is on Mon, Wed and Fri...but I will get there, I know I have to

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I'm glad. It horrid being in pain all the time.

Did you end up doing much today. I have looked up Halestorm as I don't really know who they are haha. It was easy to find on fb. I think it's great you have a real interest in them. I will look up some of their music sometime when the kids are quiet.

I love animals too.

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

So what did you think of Halestorm, Carol?

I think it's kind of depressing that music and Buddy are all I have in my life, but that's me. I don't know how to change it anyhow

I've been in bed a lot lately, can't find the energy to do anything, or the motivation. I emailed about volunteering, so the self loathing is running rampant. I'll try again next week, maybe by then everything will be bearable...

[Wednesday]

Hi,

I just dropped by to say hello and give you and Buddy a hug.

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I haven't had a chance to listen to them yet sadly. My head is hurting big time so I will wait until I can appreciate it.

It would be good if you are able to do more, it would hopefully make you feel better about yourself. The visit to the GP is hopefully the first step in making a difference. It would be great if you had opportunities to make some friends. All in good time. Need to get you feeling better first.

Did you look at getting the book for BB book club? I have mine but haven't started yet.

Have you had a look at Meeting Place they have special groups for people with anxiety or depression. Perhaps that might be a safe place to meet some new people.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[Doolhof]

Hi Narelle and Everyone,

This is my first week back to work after my sinus op. It took me 2 hours to drive 100 k.m. on Monday to see the specialist. Guess that isn't too bad really considering the traffic in some cities.

I've also had 4 other appointments to attend. I will be needing another week off after this week is finished! Ha. Ha.

Had one appointment that didn't go at all well. Waited an hour to see the person, only to then be told they had not come in at all that day. Why I wasn't told that when I first checked in I don't know.

Another lady tried to help me, then a different lady butted in and refused to accept anything I told her. I was about to have a panic attack so walked out.

Some days part of me thinks it would be easier to just stay in bed!

I'm taking on board some of the positive messages people have shared with you Narelle and will get up early tomorrow and head out the door for work again.

All the best to you all.

From Mrs. Dools

[Music_Freak]

I've never heard of meeting place, but it could be worth checking out

I'm going to try and get back on track next week, even if it's just 2 hours worth of MYOB a day, hopefully I'll be finished with it soon

Volunteering is a wait and see, they might have corporate volunteers coming in, so I'll know by Wednesday, I can't say I'll be bothered either way. I'm not thinking about it right now.

Baby steps...

[Lost_Girl]

Baby steps are good. I hope you have a refreshing sleep lovely.

I may not post tomorrow, it depends how things go but know I will be thinking of you.

Carol xx

[Emmy.]

Good Morning Narelle. Just wanting to send you some hugs to know I care. Emmy xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Carol and Emmy, your thoughts are appreciated 🙂

I woke up at 11 today with nothing to do, so I've started my car and taken Buddy out twice. I might try some MYOB, I don't know, maybe I'll leave that for next week