I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch,

Good to see that although you hit a slump you worked through it.

It isn't easy to find or acknowledge the small improvements, but they do matter. Having work of any sort means an income and a bit of freedom and that's a positive. Must admit you must be tough to even want to work the election. I am so so very thankful for my postal vote. Crowds and I don't mix.

One thing that has been helping me lately (my goodness I hope the meds work soon) is giving myself permission to fail. Meeting expectations (especially my own) can be exhausting. So it helps sometimes to remember you're allowed to be human and flawed. You accept others warts and all so why not allow yourself the same kindness?

[smallwolf]

Hi Mitch,

Good to read that you are doing your little bit toward the elections. I will be manning a BBQ for most of day. On the upside, I get to have the odd sausage on bread or you. The works at the election stall I am at get a free one as well.

And similar to what Q said about working through the slump.

I know what Q means in...

You accept others warts and all so why not allow yourself the same kindness

but it is harder said that done. The links that we might have with others can be different to those from out past, and the chains or the bonds that keep us trapped in or linked to that past. Anyhow, given what you have posted here, and in Azzdog's thread, I created a new thread for singles here...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/singles-support-on-bb#qs5qdXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Please have a look and perhaps get the ball rolling so that we can all help each other?

Tim

[HamSolo01]

Hi Tim and Nat.

Thanks for dropping in again.

This evening I went to meetup. It wasn't bad. Nice to see some regulars.

But I had a chat to one of my friends there and we were talking about how it seems that those around us are doing better in many aspects.

It got me thinking a lot. Both for the better and the worse.

At the moment I feel sad. Or at least jsmust depressed.

My mum and dad said they were a bit worried I might start going backwards again. All because of the fact I don't have a job full time or something with an income stream.

I rejected an offer recently because it was admin full time. Something that would make me worse.

I just felt like a bit of a loser at the meetup. Not having a story or something.

Anyways. Hope your weekends are going okay

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch,

Do you sometimes find you feel reasonably ok until you start hearing everyone else's success stories?

I try to soothe my ego by reminding myself it is just like social media. Everybody tries to appear more interesting than they really are.

If I listed today's events I sound busy and social. If I took a few photos and forced a smile it could look interesting and fun. Successful even at a stretch... But the reality is I got up exhausted, grit my teeth having to deal with people, got more exhausted as the day went on, and am waiting for hubby to arrive home safe so I can finally sleep. And don't particularly feel like waking up tomorrow either. Not a successful reality but an honest one.

Doesn't really help you much but perhaps you can try remind yourself everyone likes positive feedback. Perhaps the people you met with needed to build themselves up today. You're not a loser.

Tomorrow is a fresh start to try again.

[smallwolf]

Hi Mitch,

I don't know much about Meetup but it sounds very much like what Q described. We show off our best self, that might not be our real self. Only when we know someone well enough will we might be comfortable with showing our real self?

Like Q, yesterday/last night saw Tim Minchin. It was funny. But I haven't told you about the other dramas before or after.

Our parents will always be concerned about us. Sort of one of the job requirements, tongue in cheek.

What sort of work are you looking for? Or what was wrong with the f/t offer you got? If I am allowed to ask. No pressure.

Tim

[HamSolo01]

Hi Nat and Tim

I hear what you are both saying. I think people can dress it up a bit when it comes to their success/life.

At the moment my problem is that I haven't got something to attach my sense of self worth to. Not in the present anyway. I've conquered a lot and I've achieved a great deal from where I was say 2-3 years ago. However, that's not translating across to what I want to do with myself now and into the future. I don't really know what that looks like.

At the moment I've just been applying for stuff. Literally, anything that looks like I fulfill the requirements. The job that was offered to me was something a high school kid could do. If I did that then I could've made myself feel even worse. My problem as my psychiatrist was saying is that I pressure myself and start to have remunerating thoughts about how I've wasted my time etc etc. If I took that role I think I would've gotten worse.

I'm also afraid that my CV/resume doesn't "do me justice" but I find it really hard to talk about myself on paper. I don't know. I'm confused and annoyed about it. But I figure the worst thing I can do is not apply. Just keep applying. I'm also confused over advice because everyone I speak to says something entirely different about my own resume/CV so I've gotten to a point now where it just seems like a waste of time asking for help/advice. One person thinks it is trash, the next person thinks it's good. Work that out lol.

My self worth is attached to what I do in the present. That's just how I am. I've tried alternatives and they don't work. So this means I need to be doing something. I have a conference on this weekend which should be good as it is hosted by a think tank that I'd like to intern with. It's all unpaid but it'd be a step in the right direction I guess.

For now though I don't like to focus too heavily on it. I just want to send out resumes/cv until something crops up.

I'll leave it there for now,.

Thjanks again

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch,

I can relate to judging yourself based on the present. It can be hard to be hopeful or patient for a future that seems impossibly far away.

As to job hunting there are two issues I feel are very important to consider (if you're sick of being given job advice feel free to tune out by all means).

The first is to focus on jobs that you want and feel enthusiastic about. You mentioned taking the job offer would make you feel worse. So why apply? I get practice is great but you're also putting a lot of energy into something that you don't even want.

Second... Think deeply about selection criteria and examples of how you meet them but make sure what you write is fair and right for YOU. So often I have heard people talk about how they have changed examples (or even made them up) to get a job. But it is not right and employers see through it.

The first job I applied for after being unwell is my current job. I refused to be "creative" with my CV. Actually I was warts and all about my medical conditions. When hubby read my cover letter and CV he was horrified and said bloody hell I hope you haven't applied yet (I had).

I figured I want to be employed by someone who sees my worth as I am and doesn't see mental illness as a weakness. Why shouldn't I be honest and ask for what I want too? My boss is amazing and she is rewarded by employees because we are thankful for her, are committed to our work place and work hard.

Don't be ashamed to say you don't have the exact skill they need. Add the example that suits best and follow it up immediately with but I want to improve and I can start doing ..... to get experience in that as soon as possible. Better yet start a course. For example if they need a first aid certificate enrollment and list the approximate date you will have this completed by.

I think people forget the relationship between employer and employee goes both ways. They want to find someone who fills their needs but YOU are also reviewing the employer or company to find work you feel passionate, proud and enthusiastic about.

I've noticed that people respond with interest when I value my own worth as an employee. You have skills and experiences that are unique to you Mitch. What is wrong with aiming high for a workplace you want to work for long term?

People tell me often I am a dreamer and that this isn't realistic. But that is BS. The type of employer who responds well is the good type to work for.

Head up and keep on trying my friend.

[HamSolo01]

Hey Nat.

I think you are exactly right.

Thus far I've been applying for roles that match my skill level and interest. I don't believe that role that was offered to me was suitable. They offered it to me when I signed up with the recruitment company. So I just took it. After the interview I felt okay but also that it was something which would likely make me worse. So I sort of dodged a bullet there.

I've been doing exactly what you've described so far. It's hard to prove claims in a cv/resume that are self evident - punctuality for example. Or effective communication. You can really only prove that in practice. Unless you have some figure/data to back it up it's hard to say it. But again, I can only back such claims up with my experience. You can't put "effective communication ability" in a formula or dataset. You can really only talk about where you displayed such a skill set.

Anyway. I feel depressed talking about this. But that's how it is. I can get it off my chest that way.

I think a lot of this pressure on myself comes from knowing I am capable of more. So I have to translate that into a healthy way of doing things. I think a healthy way of doing things is to focus in on things I KNOW I would be good at.

I've just been out this morning to gym and grocery shopping. Sent off an application that was very similar to the one I sent off yesterday.

This afternoon, instead of sending off another application I'm going to do an inventory of my skills and strengths and articulate some sort of design to how I can approach this in light of my mental health.

My CV is about four pages long. Each role I have had is short term. I believe this may be the problem for me. So I have to come up with a way to work around that.

Did you get that role when you spoke openly about your health?

[HamSolo01]

Hey thread. It's been nearly a month since I was on here last.

A few things have changed and some others have not.

Today I received a bit of bad news in relation to a job I didn't get. It's been a repetitive process of applying, then getting an interview but then not getting a position. In the end though I think it is for the best because I really didn't like the attitude on display by one of the interviewers - heaps of facial expressions. I don't think peer support work is ideal for me anyway, I think it would be a strain - especially now that I've moved on past a lot of that stuff in my life.

I think if I could change the name of thread it would change to "I feel like I have a chance now" compared to what it was two years ago. It's not to say that things are just way better now. That's not the case at all. But they are nowhere near as bad. It's not much comfort, but it's a damned good improvement.

There are still a couple of things on the horizon. I got accepted for interviews for an internship somewhere (unpaid of course) and still waiting to hear back on two other things (another job I interviewed for and an intern role elsewhere also unpaid). Got a government grad program assessment to complete - online questions. So things are slowly churning. It's a bit like a loop. I applied for about 5 or 6 roles on Friday too. All just admin part time ones. I'm really lost over what I should do at the moment, so I guess I'm just shooting out resumes left right and centre where I think I'll fit in. Career advice is so vague and non-descript these days. A degree is useful when you know what to do with it - that's something I'm slowly figuring out.

Anyway. Onwards and upwards I think.

[HamSolo01]

Hi there thread.

I have had terrible time the past three days.

I have gone to interviews and haven't got a job yet and I am regretting university.

I feel sick and upset at myself.

It's repetitive and dulling me. Idk what to do anymore.

I feel as if I am wasting my life and valuable time that could be used to save, gain experience etc.

But that's not happening.

I feel doomed