I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch,

Glad to see you back even if it's working through a low mood. Have you looked at BlondGuy's "Do you love yourself" thread lately? When you spoke about worrying about the direction your life is taking it came to mind. Sara raised an interesting question about goals and dreams and how we feel about ourselves. I wonder if it will help you too? Or at least your view would be welcome.

You sound a bit different. Resigned? Calm? I'm not sure but it is nice actually. I like how you're just working through it. Keeping busy. Making plans. Trying to see the progress. I like the idea of a steady plan.

I saw a new thread earlier and was thinking of asking for your input. I've got nothing. He's in year 11 and trying to work on time management and social anxiety. It just sounded like something you might relate to. No pressure though ok? I'll find the thread if you want a look.

Thanks for your post and for asking. It came at the right time. I feel a bit low /defensive /confused/ guilty? But it will pass. Thanks for giving my mind something different to focus on.

Nat

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Just read your reply back to Quercus (Nat). Amazing how being woken from the middle of a deep sleep can affect the rest of our day, I know the feeling big time and losing sleep really does make our mental health flare up. Depression is exhausting as it is, add in the fact you didn't sleep much just makes it worse.

Hindsight is a funny thing, all the should of, could of, would of things that pop into our head but we make decision and we must stand by them. It wasn't right for you at the time and that is that, I don't think you use mental health as an excuse however.

Have you got any ideas on what the other plan would be outside of the assessment centre on the 25th?

Quercus (Nat) hope you're doing ok. You're a star.

My best,

Jay

[james1]

Hey Mitch,

Good to hear you're feeling somewhat positive about having plans for the weekend. It's nice to not have to worry about having nothing to do.

Do you ever keep a list of things you would be happy to do on your own? For example, I have a never-ending list of chores, but I know I can always do some of my woodwork, which incidentally is also something I feel which could help me socially because it's something to talk about.

Like Jay said, hindsight often causes us to second guess but that's only because we're no longer standing in the same shoes as we were. I like to use hindsight as a way of cautioning myself for the future. If you are worried about using mental health as an excuse, you can now just be wary of it. I don't think you have been, but it is certainly good to keep in the back of your mind the next time you doubt yourself. It might give you the little boost you need to try something.

Hope you're well.

James

[HamSolo01]

I feel like I'm going around in circles here....

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Here as in the forums or just in general life? What's going on, please talk to us.

My best,

Jay

[HamSolo01]

general life..

my depression and anxiety flare up on fridays because of the weekend..

i have something organised tomorrow but idk if i wanna go because of the travel distance..

I am tired today again.

I am on my way to tutoring then i am going home to bed.

Life is just on my ass all the time. I feel guilty too

[HamSolo01]

I can't handle this crap....

I have NO idea on what to do with myself at all

I'm over seeing people around me being happy and young and successful...

I'm sick of this mental health crap..

I'm going nowhere and people can see it..

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

My apologies, I haven't been on the forums the last couple of days so haven't had a chance to respond to your last two posts. I know your anxiety and depression flare up more before the weekend, may I ask, have you discussed this flare up with your psychologist or in your support groups at all?

I know you think you're going nowhere but from where you started when you first joined the forums, you have come such a long way, I know you're feeling a little bit down and these down days are fine, it reminds us the struggle is still there and we have to keep pushing through it.

What have you got planned for the week ahead?

My best,

Jay

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch,

(and a wave to Jay... Thanks for asking after me a few posts ago I missed that one sorry)

Have to admit I'm at a loss... Don't know what to say to be honest. You feel like you're going around in circles... I feel like that is just a normal part of having a mental illness.

On days like these I really get the impression that you are fighting your MI. But the reality is no amount of progress is going to make it disappear. We manage it. Ups and downs and plateaus and repeat. A big circle.

In my view the goal is to be able to manage and cope with the ups and downs as part of my life. I can't change the past. I just have to work towards finding ways to help myself feel ok some of the time.

When I first had major depression (in my 20s) I ran away. Started from scratch. New house. New friends. New life. I was so hard on myself. I wanted to be a success. I wanted a job I could be proud of. A partner I loved. A social life. Independence. I didn't learn to manage my depression I buried it. Pretended that if I could fix the circumstances in my life I would be better.

For a while I could convince myself I was better. But I wasn't. That came from me learning to accept myself mental illness and all. I don't like myself much some days but I am a worthwhile human being. I have lots of flaws and horrible qualities. But I have good qualities too. I am not very good at so many things and too afraid to try... But that's ok. That's just part of being me.

I'm waffling sorry. My point... What is wrong with just being you? Take a deep breath (or ten) and stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing just fine. You just can't seem to see it.

Nat

[james1]

Hey mitch,

It sounds like your weekend didn't go very well. That sucks big time.

I'd like you to have a quick think about when you go to the gym.

How do you control when to add more weight onto your exercises? Is it a matter of adding another 5kg each day? Or do you give yourself time to adjust, your muscles to build, and to develop your own confidence that when you lift that bar, you're not going to drop it on yourself?

We often don't give our mental muscles the time to adapt and change, but they need that just as much as our physical bodies need the rest.

How's this week looking?

James