I just feel like i have no chance..

HamSolo01 · ‎17-04-2017

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

Quercus · ‎13-09-2017

Hi HamSolo01,

Thanks for the update, I really hope the psych helps (usually you seem a bit more positive afterwards so fingers crossed!).

I'm sorry for the tough love but felt like it was needed. It was nice to see all of the different responses here for you. I hope it reminded you that you are valued.

How did your group therapy go (or have I mixed up the days)? Anyway psychotherapy time for me. Hard one today. Hope your session helps you. Have you got a reward planned? Croix told me this week to schedule something nice to reward myself for opening up and getting through a hard session. I thought it was a good idea. What do you think? Take care 😊

Nat

BballJ · ‎13-09-2017

Hi HamSolo01,

I am so happy to come onto the forums this evening and read that you sound like you are in a much better headspace, it truly is nice to read.

How did the psych appointment this afternoon go for you?

I have also been meaning to ask, how the book you are writing is coming along?

My best,

Jay

HamSolo01 · ‎15-09-2017

Can't handle this....

Guest_128 · ‎15-09-2017

Ham,

you are so very smart,you have so much going for you, you have a massive heart!

Its time my friend

Stop Being crap, no one can fix YOU but YOU!!!!!!

Come on you are a good person.

You can do it, fire up.

HamSolo01 · ‎15-09-2017

hard to fire up when i dont think i deserve goodness

i might be smart but theres no room for me around here anymore...

thanks

BballJ · ‎17-09-2017

Hi HamSolo01,

There is more than enough room for you around here. You can get through this.

How has your weekend been?

My best,

Jay

HamSolo01 · ‎17-09-2017

Hi Jay

Thanks for checking in

yesterday was good, today was a bit of a challenge but i got through it (things didnt really go according to plan and i got the sh*ts with my friend because he buggered up but he understood in the end and its okay now)

just struggling as usual really though..

anyway.. new week starts tomorrow so new beginnings i guess

thanks again

mitch

BballJ · ‎18-09-2017

Hi HamSolo01,

It's ok to have challenging days, its just as long as you keep pushing through them is the main thing. How was the start to the new week been? Always good to look at it as a new week, which means new opportunities.

How is the book you are writing coming along?

My best,

Jay

Quercus · ‎19-09-2017

Hi HamSolo01,

Sorry I've been absent. Not feeling well.

How are you holding up? You've had a few crap days how are you managing?

The other day I stumbled across a thread I hadn't read (probably cos I'm too old) and saw the happiest passionate banter. I may have had absolutely no idea what you were all on about but it made me smile anyway.

You are capable of passion and interest have you considered trying to foster this love of Star Wars into your day to day life? There are so many people out there who could talk all day (I spose how I feel about gardening) the difference is I integrate my passion into every day and seek out people with a similar interest because it makes me happy and gives me a sense of purpose.

Just a thought. Surely there is a way to meet likeminded people?

Nat

Piertotum_Locomotor · ‎20-09-2017

Hey man,

How have you been doing in the last few days since your last post? I read a few posts up that you've been having a hard time. Remember what you said to me okay - you are enough, simply in existing. There will always be room for you.

Hope the last few days haven't been as hellish.

- PL x