I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[Guest_128]

Hey Ham,

I seriously think your meds aren't right, it doesn't have to be this hard,we have all been through our own insane troubles, I am worried that you are being treated right. Also been given all the treatment ie classes etc.

You are very intelligent I hope you can feel better soon.

Dory😘

[Piertotum_Locomotor]

Hey HS,

i know things feel hopeless right now, but you know that objectively 24 is still so young. Please don't take this the wrong way because I mean it with the best intentions, but a graduate offer doesn't have to be your be-all-end-all. I think hardly anyone finds a full time job straight after graduating, let alone one in their field. And, again I can't stress this enough, 24 is still SO young. I was talking to one of my professors today and his son is 28, still doing his degree and he doesn't have a job lined up either. I don't mean to say that in a bad way either. What I am trying to say is that, you are not alone at all in your struggles; in fact, it's likely that a lot of your classmates and friends are in similar positions (which you may not know about because they don't want to tell other people about their struggles either).

And it's never too late to change. By the looks of your previous posts, you're definitely on your way with the self-improvement. So you definitely can change.

I hope things look up for you soon. Please stay safe, and if you feel like you can't do that for yourself then please call someone or be around someone and ask for their help to keep you safe.

- PL x

[Quercus]

Hi HamSolo01,

My reply is caught up again. But the gist of it was like Dory said. Go see psychiatrist and demand new meds and help.

Take care of yourself please. We're not going anywhere so keep writing please if it helps you.

[Pysis]

Hey mate

sorry your feeling this way I don't really have any advice for you right now, but I want you to know I'm here and I care, your not alone.

Nath

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

I know you probably do not want to hear it but 24 is so young regarding jobs and careers, I had no idea what I wanted to do until my late 20's. I would love it if you could go back a few pages of this thread and read some of your previous posts and see how far you have come and that you can get through this very dark period in your life. You just need to keep fighting, fight for that graduate position, keep applying for different ones as well. Like Quercus said above, you do need I think to go back and see your psych, you do so much better after you have seen them as I feel like they help your sort through everything you are thinking and feeling.

You can get through this, we are here to help you get through this dark time as well. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else.

My best,

Jay

[swtpotato]

Hi Hamsolo01,

I have read the beginning and last parts of your thread so that I could offer you some support. Life sounds crushing for you atm I hope you keep holding on.

I just want you to know I know lots of people your age in a similar situation. You are dealing with so much, maybe you could try and reframe your depression as if it were a physical illness, would you still expect the same things from yourself?

I think the pressures put on people our age are far too much for us to handle, but we have to measure things only against ourselves, the good thing is we get to define what success means to us.

I hope you talk this over with your psychiatrist and continue posting here about what you're going through. I hope things get better for you soon.

Em

[Sophie_M]

Hi HamSolo01,

Things sound tough and your thoughts very dark at the moment.  There are many people here who care about you and are trying their best to support you.  We want you to be able to feel that you can express yourself here, but as Quercus has said, in a group support space like this we also need to be mindful about the effect our words have on others.  

Many of the people reading and supporting you are also struggling with suicidal thoughts.  It's really important when we have discussions here that after we've made space for acknowledging those thoughts and feelings, that we try and move the discussion forward to *how* we manage those thoughts and feelings safely.

One of the ways we can do this is by recognising the links between unhelpful thinking styles (which are a symptom of depression) and the effect these have on our feelings:

• Catastrophising - imagining the worst possible outcome in every situation
• Minimising - refusing to acknowledge your good qualities and only focusing on the (perceived) bad
• 'All or nothing' thinking - inability to see the shades of grey in situations, eg. if you are not 100% successful at something, then you are a complete failure

Can you see examples of some of these thinking styles in your posts above?  How might these be holding you back from seeing alternatives for your future?

Of course, sometimes going through the above can be too tiring when the thoughts are so full on and relentless.  At times like these, it can be better to distract yourself with other activities until the mind calms down (such as taking part in the BB Social Zone threads).

Acknowledging our dark thoughts is important, but dwelling on them can be unhelpful after a time.  

HamSolo, it's great that you've found the forum community to be helpful for you, but it's concerning to read that you feel you have no other supports.  Our community is not a substitute for offline or professional supports, and we would urge you to widen your net to help build some stronger foundations for support when things get really tough.  Our support service can provide you with some ideas on 1300 22 4636.  The Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 is also a really great helpline for talking to someone when you're in the midst of a suicidal crisis and need to work through those feelings when they get overwhelming. 

A number of members above have expressed that they're at a loss on how to best support you at the moment.  It would be a big help if you could take the time to read through the replies above, acknowledge the members who have reached out to support you, and have a think about what we can do to support you here on the forums; and what supports it would be best for you to be seeking offline.

[james1]

Hello Mitch,

I'll keep this short because I think the others have said what I want to say, but I'm just super happy to see all these people who want to see you get better.

You spoke to them in the cafe, and they've come here to your thread to check up on your story.

You're a person who people find interesting and caring and who people want to talk to and make sure he's okay. Hold onto that. Let them care about you, when you are struggling to.

James

[HamSolo01]

Hey everyone

Firstly, thanks for dropping by and offering help. I really appreciate that 🙂

Secondly, I will take on board everything you have all said.

Quercus, i am off to see my psychologist this evening. I plan on talking about all this stuff upfront. Just be as honest as possible. You are right in saying that I am smarter than this, but at times it's overwhelming and logic simply is not enough. The illness itself speaks louder than others at times. But thanks again 🙂

Dory, I am on a new medication and it's maybe taking time to kick in. It means I have to reduce the other one I am on but so be it. Thanks for dropping by and saying nice things 🙂 I appreciate it.

PL, thanks for dropping by 🙂 24 is young yes. Interesting what you said about your professor's son too. You are right, rarely do people get their first job in the field they studied. This is why I am hoping for a graduate offer - because the program is built like that. But I guess I need to solidify some back up options hey? Also, thanks for your help in the past too. Reading your experiences has helped. You are right about people being in the same position. I only ever seem to compare myself to people I know who are doing better than me.. reminds me of a quote by David Hume about how we seem to compare ourselves to those whom we know are in a better position.. like we are setting ourselves up for failure..

Pysis thanks for dropping by. Thanks also for your thoughts 🙂

Jay Indeed. I should go back over some of the other stuff I have written when I have been in similar positions. It can be hard though I must admit. Thanks 🙂

swtpotato I agree. We get to decide what success means for us. I think this is exceptional advice 🙂 I am going to start looking at myself beyond my diagnosis though. To live in spite of it, not because of it. Reminds me of a cool trick my psych told me about replacing every 'but' with an 'and' (i have depression and social anxiety AND i need to do ) which works better than the alternative. I've also got into Jordan Peterson's material. He's exceptional.

Sophie_M Hey there. Thanks for your help.The 'all or nothing' thinking patterns are something I catch myself doing a fair bit. Making ultimatums. I have other supports, but it's just that it does seem like I don't have any other than forums at times. Maybe it's because of the immediacy of them. They are right here anyway. I have a psych appointment this arvo.

James thanks for your help 🙂

[swtpotato]

Hi Mitch,

That seems like a great frame of mind - replacing 'but's with 'and's. Thank you for taking the time to respond to everyone.

I am trying to only grade myself against myself too, it's really difficult. For e.g. thinking - what is the best I can do with what is given to me? So I must not consider how life would be if I didn't have chronic fatigue for example, or if I grew up being more confident, or why I am not as successful as my friends etc. because this is just how my life has worked out and I can only deal with what is, improving things 1 small step at a time (and sometimes 2 steps back but that's how it goes).

My psychologist said to me - there is no point being ashamed of not coping in the past, how can you expect yourself to have the skills to cope when you had never experienced something like that before? it's kind of like when I first went rock climbing and was embarrassed because I was so much worse then everyone else - but I never had the opportunity to learn the same skills and strengthen my body as the others have so of course I would be terrible! You gotta start somewhere.

Good luck

Em