I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

That's the fun of anxiety, always makes us think we did worse than what we actually probably did, we over analyse every single thing we said and think was it right, did it come across correctly. I am sure you did fine. Hopefully the assessment centre is easier for you.

The job interview sounds interesting, politics does seem like something you are keen on so as long as that come across in the job interview, I am sure you will do fine, can never be too confident just because they are a friend of your dads but still go in there and give them 110%.

Regarding your friends, take your time with that, you don't want to say something you will regret later on, it is nice you want to stick up for your friend as well but just need to think about it rationally as well.

I like what you said... have to take it one day at a time, that is all we can do.

My best,

Jay

[james1]

Hello Mitch,

I'm glad to hear you felt like the pre-recorded interview went well. I would even suggest that even doing the interview itself is a job well done. We know it's hard but you keep giving things a go, and that's what really matters. There's so much luck involved in actually landing a job that 90% of your work is actually done prior to doing the interview itself.

I hope today's interview goes well.

In terms of your friends - I think you hit the nail on the head there when you said that you need to stop thinking about it. "What if?" questions are so enticing but they're also red herrings - they're unimportant and distract you from the real stuff - the effort you're putting in getting up, going to uni, doing these interviews and trying to make a life for yourself. As well as coming here and seeing your doctors to improve your internal life.

I thought I'd also drop you a quick note about another poster called "Pun" who posted in the suicidal section about being 18 and feeling really insecure about being a virgin. I know it's something you're still struggling with so please don't feel the need to respond to it, but I thought it might help you feel less alone in having these thoughts.

If you did want to post a reply though, I think you've got a very healthy attitude towards changing some of these thoughts that you don't like, as well as just being really supportive with Piertotum_Locomoter in the other thread, helping him find his way too.

Hope you're well.

James

[HamSolo01]

Hey James

I needed to hear that.

I just did the interview and i feel like i buggered it up and that if i do manage to get the job offered i will screw up.

I had to be honest with the man and tell him my days i was available so i will need to wait and see what they say.

Guess i got some back up plans too.

I got into the next round for a graduate role so that was cool. Really wasn't expecting it. Its with education dept in state govt. I think being a tutor helped.

My psych told me last week that applying my rational mind to these feelings i have is crucial. Its a good way of deconstructing all of it.

There's so much going on in my mind. But deconstructing it all does help. Things like seeing facebook, seeing couples holding hands... it gets to me but i just have to think critically which is an asset i have.

Thanks again for remindin7g me that the effort i am putting into making things work is good. It's extremely exhausting. Something small like an interview really isn't all that small in the scheme of things. It seemed like a peaceful place to work in and one lady said she knew me when i was a small boy lol.

I will check out the other posts you mentioned too.

I need to pace myself for each day and just stick it out. Its exhausting but remaining positive is hard. I am starting group support in 2 weeks too. That will be good.

Thanks again

[james1]

Hey mitch,

Nice work getting into the next round! Hopefully that goes well too. It's pretty scary, but you are right - you've got the experience and you also have the mind to be able to do it, so it's just a matter of giving them the best impression you can.

I'm glad to hear you're trying to apply your rational mind which was something you discussed with your psych. It sounds like it's a technique which helps you.

Yeah, I think often people can make assumptions about how interviews were really easy for them so they're not a big deal. But for some people and some circumstances, interviews can be a really big deal and cause a lot of stress. You know how hard it is. Your opinion is no less valid than everyone else's. You definitely have a lot going on at the moment.

Take care for the rest of the day. Remember it's not luck and privilege that people respect, but hard work. And you're displaying a lot of hard work right now.

James

[james1]

Hey I just wanted to say you made a terrific post to Pun. You really showed that you understood and listened to him, while also encouraging him to think more carefully about what he wants out of a relationship. I also loved your last story about owning a situation. That's pretty amazing.

And that quote's from Tyrion, hey? Spot on.

[HamSolo01]

Hey James

I found some of what Pun was saying was helpful for my own circumstances.

But then at the same time I'm in a bad headspace atm when writing this so I don't want to say too much.

Other than the fact I am really depressed atm.

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Sounds like the interview may of went well, I find when you feel you muddled up that you actually did well, it good that you are up front about all the hours you can work, it is better for them to know prior. I don't think you will screw up if you get the job either, politics is something you enjoy so I think you will fit in with your passion for it alone.

Good stuff that you got into the next round of the graduate role, just keep applying and you never know what will come out of it all.

Excuse my ignorance, what does it mean when you deconstruct the thoughts, it sounds quite interesting and am interested to hear about it if you care to go into it that is.

In regards to the writing to other people, I always found writing to others has helped me on my mental health battles, helping them get through their struggles has helped me with mine, not sure how but I have seen you reply to others on the forums and your replies are always great and well informed as well. I understand you are very depressed at the moment so keep working on yourself as you are doing. The group support will hopefully also help you as well.

My best,

Jay

[james1]

Hello Mitch,

You can let us know what you're thinking later when you're not in such a bad head space, if you like.

There is an old parable from...geez, the cherokee people I think? It's called something like the two wolves. I'd suggest you have a little read.

But the gist of it is:

A grandfather is sitting around the fire with his grandson and telling him about life. He tells the boy that, "There is a fight going on inside of me. It is a fight between two wolves. One wolf is guilt, anger, sorrow, envy, and anxiety. The other wolf is hope, serentiy, calmness, peace, and benevolence. We all have this fight going on, all the time.

The grandson thought about it for a while and asked, "Which one will won?"

The grandfather simply replied, "The one you feed."

I really like the story. It reminds me of what it means to be human and, I suppose, flawed. But also puts our destiny, so to speak, all back into our own hands.

James

[Quercus]

Hi HamSolo01,

Just checking if you are ok? You mentioned you felt really depressed at the moment.

I googled the parable James spoke about and it really is a beautiful story. Feed the good not the bad. Best advice ever (thank you James). So what have you been up to today to focus on the good? How's your story coming along?

I hope you are ok (and you also James and Jay).

[james1]

Hello Mitch,

You said this in PL's thread:

"I think what I have been waiting for a is a silver bullet to shoot through my anxiety. The reality is that I am the silver bullet."

I only have endless praise for that kind of attitude. It's tough work, and we might falter, but having that attitude even at one point in time will hold you in good stead to keep returning to this attitude to keep working and chipping away at your struggles.

James