I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Sorry your weekend has been rough, I have been there many times, alone at home on a Saturday night, feeling sorry for myself and hating so many things about myself, believe me, the feeling is crap and I get it... one thing I wish I was doing at your age during those times was getting the help with psychs and meds... I wasn't getting any help... I was battling through, pretending everything was ok... I want to point out what you wrote a few days ago... about your core belief... you are getting the help you need and are on the track to recovery.

I know it's tough... you need to keep pushing through these dark days.

My best,

Jay

[HamSolo01]

thanks jay 🙂

appreciate it

i have my week planned out with all the things i need to do so thats good

its just such a drag on the system going through all this.

[HamSolo01]

I find my moods vary throughout the day

today has been okay

I have applied to Uber but i feel like they won't let me in considering that I've got a fine 3 and a half years back while i was on my green ps. I'm also on medication too which may not help my chances. Frustrating really because I thought this would be a good stepping stone for me.

And I'm yet to hear from group therapy. I don't think I've got in to be honest. Considering how long I was there for and the fact that I mentioned I had suicidal thoughts in the past. I don't think I care for group therapy anymore though. It's too hard to find anything. Like I got no idea how to navigate all this stuff. Decided I might start my own one through meetup but I don't wanna make it worse on myself by adding the stress of organising it.

I need money and need it fast and it's just causing me more anxiety. I don't know what I want to do with my life and I'm sick of seeing EVERYONE around me figuring things out.

I have a small social life and that's all. No work life.

I feel like I'm a failure again. I have no idea what to do. And it's just too late really. I'm over positive spin.

[HamSolo01]

to be brutally honest i just hate everything

i have no prospects in life.... like my degree won't get me anywhere

i have no job at the moment and my anxiety and depression is just holding me back from getting anywhere.... nothing is going to change and im just going to end up on the dole....

distractions aren't working, exercise isn't either.... like im just sick of feeling like this all the time

and the thought that i have to vent all this on a forum as a means of therapy just feels pathetic....

i dont even think i will get better by year's end... its all just the same... like im just stuck for ideas on what i can do to improve because it feels like all my experience is not good enough and its better if i just curl up and die..

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

I think that's great that you have the week planned out... honestly with mental health.. having things set really help ease the mind... I have become pretty big on "to-do" lists, they help organise stuff as my mind is always running and thing slip through the cracks and I forget to do them. Organisation can really help the mind.

It is such a drag.. I know... but it's all worth it in the end when you come out of this and see the struggle has made you that much stronger.

My best,

Jay

[Quercus]

Hi HamSolo01,

How are you doing? Jay has had some solid advice for you this weekend. I'm sorry I wasn't able to help though.

Thanks Jay your words helped me too... I appreciated you checking in on me too 😊. Lists and plans are gold to my confused mind! Good advice there.

Having a mental illness sucks. I get tired of the amount of energy I have to expend just to feel somewhat stable.

I think its pretty normal HamSolo01 to have days like we're experiencing... Where it all seems neverending and exhausting and the hopelessness kicks in. But it will pass. Just put on foot in front of the other, ask for help, plan out your supports and coping mechanisms and wait it out stubbornly. The good moments will come back. They will. We just have to keep trying.

But it sucks. Majorly.

Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a better day for you.

[HamSolo01]

hey

i feel like giving up because its too late and im gonna end up nowhere in life...

i just like the idea of disappearing..

ive got nothing going for me and im just a loser.. always have been always will be..

not ringing the support line because they are useless.. not going to hospital either because they are too..

i hate myself

i want money so i can get sense of self worth but i cant even do volunteering.. i just get too anxious.. i get angry at myself for being weak and i wanna hurt myself but i cant do that

[HamSolo01]

i'm sick of feeling like i have wasted my life doing something that will get me nowhere

i hate the tragedy of my life too

why even bother with anything..

[HamSolo01]

no one listens and no one cares

[james1]

Hi Mitch,

We're here and listening to you though I realise it's not the same as having people around.

One of the pitfalls of pitfalls/unhelpful thought patterns that depression often causes is negative generalisation. Let's see if we can try to reverse this.

Are there particular people in your life who who feel like aren't listening and caring at the moment? Is there a particular thing you are doing which you feel like won't get you anywhere?

James