I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[Quercus]

PS Quercus is pronounced Kwercus. It's the botanical name for an oak tree.

[givemehope]

I feel like everything is lost

pressure is killing me and i have been thinking to end my life.

I can't face that I am failing and cannot imagine what my life will be in the next two months.

[Quercus]

Hi Givemehope,

I'm sorry you haven't had a response quicker. When you post in another thread like this you risk getting lost as people often look for new threads instead. Could you please consider starting another thread in welcome/orientation so that you are given the support that you need?

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. The most important thing is to make sure you are safe. There are phone lines available all hours such as the suicide phone back service 1300 659 467 or the helpline at the top of your screen. Please consider using these because the forums aren't always an immediate response. Or please know that going to your nearest ER is absolutely appropriate too.

Have you made an appointment to see your GP or psychologist? If not make sure you book a double appointment so that the GP has the time to dedicate to help you and talk.

Now that the necessary parts are explained... You are safe here and welcome to talk about whatever you need to. And there are lots of people here who just want to help you and make you feel welcome and supported. Please keep talking.

Take care of yourself and I'll keep a look out for your new thread (or talk here either way is ok).

[SubduedBlues]

Hi GMH, welcome to BB

I am sorry that you are feeling a bit lost, and I applaud you for reaching out for assistance, it's not the easiest thing to do... ask for help. May I recommend that you pick up the phone and ring the hotline 1300 22 4636 or lifeline on 13 11 14.

It is a better idea to start a new thread than to post on an existing thread. Many of us support champions actively look for for the threads that haven't had any replies yet. So please create a new thread with whatever questions you may have. We'd love to hear how you are doing.

SB

ps; you're not alone, there are many of us out there ready to help.

[HamSolo01]

Hey there

Weirdly enough you are amongst people with similar experience. I myself dont have ANY idea where ill be in 2 months. Its really stressful. But atm im at hospital. Knew this would help in the moment i needed it.

I hope you find thehelp you need 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch (is it ok if I call you that?)

Are you okay? If you need to vent or talk we're here.

Hospital is sometimes the best place to be. I'm really glad to hear that you went to hospital to keep yourself safe.

Thinking of you and hoping you are getting the help you need. We'll be here when you go home. Little steps and day by day.

[HamSolo01]

Hey.

Yeah call me that if you so desire.

the psychiatrist said that there wouldnt be much point staying in the hospital given that it may make things worse. My moods are low but its not medication that will fix it (good thing im moving to a new psych yeah?)

Most of my sh*t is social and emotional thoughts that get in the way. Anyway, im waiting to see what they say now. They may refer me on to the acute service team near where i live.

Good thing too, hospital is enough to make anyone despressed. My last experience here was dull and i was bored the whole time. But it was the rest and recharge when i needed it. Today was just a very bad day. Thats mental health though i guess right?

[Quercus]

Hi HamSolo01,

I'll stick with that until you ask otherwise 😊 It's not about what I want it's about what you prefer.

You sound very low. Did anything happen that triggered you? Obviously tell me to bugger off if you don't want to talk. The last few posts you seemed to be doing ok. I hope my posts about work and travel haven't upset you. I agree MI are exhausting. You think you're doing ok and then out of the blue a single comment can undo all your good work. But we've just got to keep trying. Little steps. Good support networks. And being honest. You'll get there HamSolo01. So will I. It's just crap at the moment and hard to see forward to something better.

How long now until your new psych? Maybe book a few sessions closer together until you start to feel a bit more stable? That way you don't have to worry about not being able to get an appointment if you need it.

Take care and keep talking. I've got to go take the kids for a playdate but will check back in on you later on ok. Try and rest.

[HamSolo01]

hey 🙂

I think what set me off was talking to a friend i ran into this morning about internships/experience/work etc - same old thing. I've begun to realise just how much the 'odds' are stacked against me in regard to the career path I've chosen. It's all networking, it's all overseas experience, it's all ideas, it's all how well you put your case forward. I said all this sort of stuff to the psych at the hospital which was a good outlet to get off my chest - but it's not like I can expect them to change that right? lol.

All I can do at this stage is make use of what connections I have left. My plan is basically to contact a person I know through a social enterprise I'm 'involved' with already, and hopefully conjure enough confidence to get one of my current tutors to provide an academic reference (advantage is that I've been in contact with him lately vis a vie an essay on America i have to do). the process of applying for internships with think tanks and such is easily something I hate doing - it's just a reminder of how little I have. It's a bit like that whole "you need experience to get experience" quandry that exists. I've also got in contact with the australian network on disabilities who help out with networking for those with disabilities - hopefully they will help me out in some way.

Work and travel haven't upset me. In fact they've helped me think outside the box. I am totally 100% open to getting experience overseas, even if it means having to to another country for a volunteer internship. I'm adaptable.

My greatest fear after graduating is that I'll waste my mind and intellect. That is something I value about myself. It's just a case of being able to display that, work through my own depression and get to where I would like to be.

that's about it for me with regards to career prospects - My goal is just to graduate. Even if I get bad results I don't care too much. One's intellect isn't just represented by their academic merit - sadly in my case my academic merit has taken a hit due to my mental health. My determination is to fight through that and get control of my mind again - by employing good CBT. so everything comes back to my mental health again.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, the hospital said it was good idea to. I see my new psychologist on friday this week and im going to get a phonecall from the acute services team too who are really good.

"little steps, good support networks, being honest" bang on! Thanks 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi HamSolo01,

I'm glad to hear you've got the psychiatrist and psych appointments coming up. And it was a good call to go to the hospital when it got a bit much.

Graduating is a big achievement worth being proud of. It really doesn't matter if you pass or graduate with distiction most employers just care that you've put in the effort to complete the degree. So just keep going. Do the best you can at the moment that's all that matters.

The only advice I can give is just get your foot in the door. Use what connections you have and just start at the bottom. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! So many people at my work get employed because of who they know and they're so bloody rubbish at the jobs they don't last. Meanwhile the people who have worked their way up and actually earned their positions stick around. 1 because they are good at the job they do. And 2 because they have the respect of their peers who know they have earned their position.

Don't bother listening to other graduates and what they're doing. Just focus on getting your foot in the door regardless of if you think the job is beneath you. Once you're in you can work your way up.

And above all that your health comes first. There's no point fighting for a fantastic job of you are so emotionally exhausted you fall apart.

Like I said little steps. Take care of yourself, finish your degree, take any job or experience you can and go from there once you feel able. It will be okay HamSolo01. Little steps 😊