Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[Fiasco]

Thank you Stressless! Way too kind, but thank you.

i hope you haven't been up stressing about things too?

I started calisthenics at the start of this year because my girls had started and i wanted to be a good role model for them lol. I also felt I needed an activity, and I didn't want to go back to concert band, plus I wanted something to force me to be active and try and get fit. So here I am lol. My problem is that when I'm having a good day I get very excited and make lots of plans, feeling that I can do anything and I'll always feel good. But then I overextend myself and sign up for too many things and end up burning out and having bad days where I feel like I'll never be able to even get out of bed again and then I quit everything. I wanted to quit dance many times this year, but (for good or for bad) I've already paid SO much money and also I'd let down my team as they'd have to redo every routine. So I've been forced to follow through on my commitments (shock horror!). I've already decided next year I'll either go back to ballet or rejoin the Queensland choir. Problem is I want to do everything, but I've learnt I need to just focus on one thing at a time if I actually want to succeed in the long term.

yes, my nerves are definitely worse because of all my other issues. I need to stop being a perfectionist. But I want to do my absolute best! Feel like I need to rehearse every day, but that's just not possible.

fi

[White_Rose]

Hello Fi

Thanks for the lovely reply and compliment.

I suspect the reason your mom will not go to the doctor is the same reason for her ailments. Something causing stress that she cannot or will not talk about it so is manifested in fibromyalgia. Sad really and I wish I had some helpful suggestions. You may be able to get her talking about her life one day and gradually move from childhood forward. You never know, something may click.

Yes my eldest grandchild is almost 22 while the youngest is five. The eldest and youngest are both in the same family. In between I have a 20yo, 18yo, 14yo, 11yo,7yo, 6yo, and 5yo. Christmas tend to be very noisy.

My gardener has just arrived and we have discussed what needs to be done first. I'm not patient and I tend to over-plant instead of waiting for everything to grow. While I love flowers in general I find they have relatively short seasons so I have a lot of foliage plants to make it look like a garden. Roses will bloom for much of the year here.

My water feature is a cascade of pots finishing in a little pool at the bottom. It will arrive next week which I am excited about. It has a solar powered battery for the pump, so no electric leads across the garden. Having an electrician son-in-law has taught me a thing or two. Then I can start arranging all the bits to my liking.

You do realise how hungry I was after reading about your culinary delights. Also inferior as I never aspired to great heights. Rhubarb cream pie sounds yummy. While I do not have coeliac I think I am a bit gluten intolerant so I try not to eat bread. Also try not to eat it to stop putting on weight. Fresh doorsteps of bread and butter. Yummy.

I have to agree with you and Quercus about learning to talk to people. Years ago I went to a psychiatrist. He complained that I didn't say much about myself, only about other people and general stuff. I was horrified. "But it's rude to keep talking about yourself" I said. Hmmm. Why did I not get far? But it was talking to this psych, when I eventually learned it was OK, that got me talking to others. Now I don't stop.😉

Mary

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco,

I really should have copied what I wrote to Stressless earlier (it's still in moderation probably for a good reason) because I feel like saying exactly that again. Sorry moderators... I have absolutely zero patience anymore for those who abuse others and no problem voicing this.

I think I'm in a place where I just want to encourage everyone to talk. Just get the bloody poison out of your system in any way you can. Write it down. Yell it out. Confide it quietly. Scream out single words. Whisper it aloud to yourself in private. It doesn't matter. Just practice talking.

We are so used to staying quiet. Trying to move on. Trying to pretend nothing happened. You see it all the time we don't report abuse because we'll be judged for it. Or the guilt gets put onto us instead. Why?

I'm done with that. You are a good person. Stressless is a good person. I'm a good person (well until I get in weird moods like this 😊) and yet we suffer quietly. Stuff that! I may not want to report my abusive rapist ex boyfriend but I'll be damned if he lets me stay quiet for the next ten years of my life. I'm not going to let what he did fester quietly in my guts bringing on more depression and self disgust and suicidal thoughts. He's done enough to me. I am done.

Both you and Stressless are struggling with talking about it whereas I am at a point where I feel like because I have finally talked about it openly the blame has finally finally gone where it deserves to go. And there is a lot of relief in that. And anger. Mostly relief because I used to direct that anger at myself.

It doesn't change what happened. It doesn't make my memories less painful. I still feel embarrassed and ashamed sometimes. But I don't feel at fault.

There was a lot of power in voicing what happened. Hearing it and acknowledging it for myself. And realising it wasn't my fault. That I am allowed to be angry. I'm allowed to feel betrayed and hurt and upset. And to confide in a few trusted people the truth and to have them reaffirm that it wasn't my fault. That it doesn't make them disgusted at me. That they still love me regardless.

I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you. I don't want to upset Stressless. I just want to put it out there to consider.... I don't feel guilty anymore because of talking it through. Maybe you will feel like that too? Maybe not. It's your choice but one to think about.

[Guest_3712]

Hi Fi

Havent heard from you for a while and just wanted to check you were ok

Im sorry I've lost track of time a bit and was wondering if you have had your dance performance yet?'

Hope you are being kind to yourself

Stressless

[Fiasco]

Hi Mary, Quercus and stressless. Thanks for checking in on me stressless! Just been so busy with the kids on my own last week and a very busy weekend. My darling 5 year old turns 6 tomorrow, and she was up all last night vomiting! She's asleep at the moment so hopefully healing. I ha dance rehearsal 1pm-5pm yesterday; our concert is this Saturday. My daughter was supposed to have practice 4.30-6pm tonight in the city but I think it's best we don't take down the entire team with gastro just before the concert!!

Hows your garden growing mary? I've been very busy and creative recently. I made 3 big raided gardens around my jacaranda tree and filled with soil from my chickens, then went crazy with planting! Lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, corn, safe, beans, zucchini, onion, carrots, coriander, strawberries, shallots, .... so many! I have lots of other stuff in my garden already, but these were things I needed/didn't have.

a dear friend gave me an amazing cookbook last week and I've been going crazy! Made sauerkraut, fermented chilli relish (from fresh chillies in garden), tomato sauce, cherry cheesecake.... today been making the meringue kisses cake my daughter wants for her bday. The guy at our local fruit shop gave me an entire full trolley of fruit and veg for only $10!!! Hence the preserving and stuff. Feeling really inspired but running out of puff a bit. Scared I'm going to get out of control like I did last month.

have you guys heard of the GAPS (gut and psychology syndrome) diet? It sounds interesting and I'm thinking of giving it a go. As a coeliac and asthmatic, I'm prone to all sorts of autoimmune issues (as are you guys too?), and I do believe I have leaky gut issues. After reading some amazing stories, I'm keen to see if improving my gut health will help my mental health. We'll see! As I said I'm in an overly enthusiastic mood these days lol. I've decided to decoupage my acoustic guitar, for fun! So many great ideas. Poor kids have been run ragged I think.

been on daily big walks with our male Labrador (female tore her knee ligament so resting) and 5 year old on bike running and running for hours. I'm so unfit lol!!! Could hardly breathe first day I did it and was so stiff and sore for days afterwards! 😂 Having a rest now as sickness has hit the house. Wanting to get some organic bones to make up a bone broth but daughter vomits in car (as we found out when dropping Miss 4 to kindy this morning).

what are you ladies up to today?? ❤️

[Guest_3712]

Hi Fi

So glad you have been too busy to post. So enterprising too- maybe a business in the wind ?

Sucks when everyone is sick- hope u recover in time for concert sat . U will smash it I know.

By the sound of it you have been on full throttle- I was exhausted just reading your week.

I am bedsitting my mother at present who is in late stages of dementia -hate these places.

Not good for a variety of reasons me being here but what do you do? I've been the good devoted daughter for ever, a bit longer won't hurt.

No matter what anyone has done I don't think they deserve to die alone.

Lots of regrets and sadness

Sorry for the downer

Look after yourself

Stressless

[White_Rose]

Hello Fi

A hectic week behind you and more to come. Where do you get your energy from? My progress on my garden is quite small. I have the idea but I need my gardener to carry out the work when it comes to lifting and moving. It's funny really. I can lift and move stuff in the house or objects from waist high but cannot get down to garden level. I had some raised beds put in years ago and these are OK to work on. I did contemplate making raised beds throughout the garden with winding paths but not sure it would work out.

No more talk about creating luscious food. I'm salivating here and it's not a good look. 😂 Your baking and gardening sounds great. If you are looking for a job, please apply here.

I haven't heard of GAPS but it sounds interesting. I'll look it up.

What am I doing today? I started by shivering out of bed and shivering through my shower but felt good once I was warm and clean. Helped count the church offering early and then went to visit someone who is basically housebound. Got home in time for coffee (hopefully) while writing to you ladies. My study group ladies will be here in about 30 minutes. Just enough time to write to you Fi. I think I will fall asleep on the sofa in front of the TV tonight.

Stressless. So proud of you wanting to be with your mom. I know how hard this can be. When she has gone I think you will be more at peace. At least I hope so.

Foxy Lady. Love your post. Perhaps a name change to Joan of Arc? Haven't heard from you for a couple of days, hope all has been well.

Mary

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mary

No reason to be proud of me my friend-! my motives are purely selfish. Right to the end I'm waiting for the validation- something that tells me I'm not a horrible daughter.

Anything - a smile a hand squeeze . Even now I would say it's ok. I forgive everything just to know I was loved once .

Stressless

[White_Rose]

Stressless

I am proud of you. You could just walk away and say 'stuff it'. And being prepared for any small sign is fantastic. However I did have a little weep about you. All OK now.

Mary

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mary

Please don't cry for me - it's ok really I will get closure of sorts just not the kind I hoped for I guess.

I hope you are ok I worry when you spend so much time looking out for us all here that you are not being good to yourself too.

Stressless