Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[blondguy]

Hi CMF, my daughter has been throwing the same barbs at me too and its a huge let down after all the TLC I have put into the the parent/daughter relationship

It depresses me too and I understand where you are coming from cmf

You are and never have been a failure in your life Country Music Festival. Yes....I see pain and frustration similar to what I have been going through.

This post isnt much help but my daughter asked me for another months rent as she has another eviction notice. I just gave her agent $1400 for December....I cant believe that she has asked me again for another month..

I feel your pain cmf.....more than you know

You are a legend of a mum >>>>>>> and always will be too x

My Kindest always

Paul

[Quercus]

Arrrgh! Internet failed and I lost my reply (sobs). Was a good one too but unfortunately CMF and Paul as it is 1am here I will have to give you the dot point edit.

• Kids can be complete and utter assh.... sometimes.
• Lets wave the flag for some good old boundaries and demanding couresty and respect.
• If your son exibits jerklike behaviour the correct response is NO. No you have no right to treat me like that and then demand my help.
• He wants a lift to gf? Haha. NO! I'm not your slave. You want me to help you out? Then you learn to treat me with the same kindness and respect I show to you.
• You're doing him a favour.
• In the real world you treat people like crap and they won't help you.
• Hold out for your apology. He owes you one big time.
• Work will come. Don't even for a second let the words your ex poisoned your son with bring you down.
• School holidays a problem? Check out cleaning at a school. Permanent staff in WA are on salary don't work school holidays except for the big holiday clean (a few days).
• Heads up. Two bloody awesome parents I'm looking at in CMF and Paul. So head up and know you are doing great.
• Not huggy but I'll give a really awkward hug of support a try. Cheer squad of one here for you both.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Hi Paul and Nat,

Thank you for your messages.I appreciate them so much. Well, a huge day in our household. Little miss started school. OMG she looked adorable and handled it pretty well, she has 4 kinder friends there so they were playing before class started. On the weekend I emailed my resume for expression of interest for a few jobs. one was a real estate agency and they f=rang me at 7.45am this morning and i have a meeting with them Thursday! It is just a general chat but still...I got in touch with my RE contact who encouraged me to see him when i am ready and i am going to see him this afternoon. I'm going to jump in and put myself out there.

My son is stressed about school, year 11. One of his books has not arrived and he was stressing I have been running around trying to chase ti up, it should be in by Monday, but i sorted it out with the school and they said it will be fine. I'm trying to keep him calm as possible. He has his rants and gets crabby with me and 10 minutes later he is fine again.

By Friday they will all be at school and we can settle into a new routine.

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

**hugs** and hello guys!

CMF - change passwords on the internet. Block favourite sites, ie social media.

Sorry fast reply as at work and busy today.

Dang kids. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

[CMF]

Oh such a headache. What a day.

Went to see my local RE agent re any upcoming jobs. They are having a meeting next few weeks to see where they are at and what they need and will get back to me. Hopefully they do. Little miss had a good day, bit tired but did just tell me she doesn't want to go back because she doesn't want to draw at the end of the day -lol. I Didn't eat all day, feeling quite anxious at the moment. All these changes, anxiety rising, headache getting worse. Little miss' dad came to drop off/pick up. As always he was negative saying how school is a waste, should be half day so kids enjoy life and family time, it is just an extension of kinder etc etc. He kept saying take photos of this, take photos of that.When we picked her up we waited outside the kids are brought out and dismissed after lining up. Well, he went inside. I know he is a nosy parker but he had to go in to see what she was doin.No other parent did, just him. He hasn't done much for almost 5 years, now I feel he is trying to push his way in, he always has to change how things are done. When we got home she whispered to me she wanted ice cream, he insisted on knowing what she said. I went to pick up my son when i got back she looked upset. i got her ice cream and he intervened and added milk to it. She agreed to it but i knew she wouldn't like it so she got upset and i got her another bowl. i know he was trying to help but it is annoying when he has to intervene on everything. We went to the pool on the weekend with friends and he turned up for a bit. I had told him it was salt water, well he started...this isn't salt water, there is hardly any salt, it's all chlorine blah blah blah, always against everything. Did Not approve of the sunscreen i used, my friend could see i was getting nervous.

I'm drained, anxious, teary. He is too much, always clowning around unless you go against what he says, then it's a different story.

I was feeling great, positive now i can't cope anymore. Maybe too many things all at once.

cmf

[velvetfaerie]

Everything all at once is not fun. Manipulative controlling people, (adults), are also not fun. I hope you feel better today. Argumentative people also no fun.

Just saying hi. I have no words of wisdom. Not a parent. can just say I am hoping you are feeling better today.

V.

[CMF]

Hi Velvz,

thank you, i am feeling better, just tired. Finally went through all the paperwork for kids schools and got most of it done plus other little bits and pieces. i have printed up my resume and covering letters and preparing to drop them off next few days. i did one today at a local store i go to. the girls know me and directed me to the manager so i gave it directly to him and introduced myself. he said they are recruiting in March/April which is good. i just hope the hours they may have will suit me.i forgot to put my availability on my cover letter - grrrrr. Oh well, will see what happens when it happens.

[velvetfaerie]

So much progress. You have got to feel lighter. 😄

March/April is not far away !

😄

[quirkywords]

You are very organised with your paper work.

I wish I was. I procrastinate with my tax till it gets a bit overwhelming.

Quirky

[CMF]

Oh wow, what a morning. Little miss cried today :-(. Teenage daughter realised she needs a different calculator $230 so she felt panicky all morning, the dictionary she needs is $80. My son also needed the same calculator but will make do with what he has. Over $450 for 2 calculators on top of school fees and other books. It is absolutely ridiculous and makes me so angry. My son had issues with his locker allocation yesterday so looked a bit anxious today. I have a meeting soon with a RE agent i emailed my resume to as a general expression of interest for jobs. I'm feeling quite frazzled now, mind not clear.