Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

Poor bird.

Are you ok today CMF? Was your weekend ok otherwise?

v.

[CMF]

Hey Velvet,

Yes I'm ok. I'm very tired went to bed quite late. The thought of that bird still makes me feel sick, I can't even eat properly. Had a big argument with my son this morning. He stayed at his gf's house again as she is going away this week. I picked him up and he told me he had organised someone to take his shifts next week as he was invited to go away with a friend and his family. I asked the dates, one being the 22nd, and reminded him he has his grandfather's bday on his dad's side on the 22nd. He is turning 89 and my ex's family have made a point of letting my son now so he will be there. My son and I also agree he must go as we don't know how many bdays he will have left. Well, when my son realised the dates clashed he cracked it at me! I told him it is not my fault he cannot go away and he said it's my fault as I never go away with the kids and therefore he doesn't get to have any fun. Well, well, well. First of all if i organised to go away he probably wouldn't come, secondly he has been away many times with this dad but he said they were not fun, he didn't like being there. His dad invited him to go fishing not so long ago and he declined. So somehow he has turned it around to be my fault that he cant have fun. I am responsible. He goes out when he wants, stays at friends' houses when he wants and now he has no fun cos i don't take them away. I was fuming, so upset with him. He is becoming more and more like his dad.

I looked up quotes about obstacles as the bird thing is bothering me. Obstacles put us on the right path, overcoming obstacles gives us more glory etc. I feel a little better. I just keep hearing that thud and seeing that bird.

[velvetfaerie]

I love how people do that twisting things around. In fact it is a huge things for me. I HATE IT. Responsibility starts with the self. Finger pointing is terrible. I know he is your son and a teenager, but, yeh. NO.

To me it sounds like you are a more than fair mum. They have freedoms and with freedoms comes responsibility!

I understand the trauma thing, (the bird). Some things just take a while to ebb into the background.

V.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Apologies about the delay in between posts, I wasn't on the forums last couple of days (Will be replying to my thread tomorrow) but wanted to come and speak to you on yours. I am sorry about the bird flying into your window, there may be a symbol there, sometimes it's just a little bit of unluckiness on the birds side. You didn't do anything wrong to cause it.

I am sorry about the argument with your son especially when a couple of posts ago you were saying how worried you were about him. I think he gave you a typical teenage response because he couldn't get his way. I don't think he meant it at all and if he should direct his frustration anywhere, it should be towards his dad. Has it calmed down at all since the argument?

My best,

Jay

[velvetfaerie]

Whats happening CMF?

😄

[CMF]

Hi Jay and Velvet,

Not much happening here. I started making some planters/terrariums again and have been trying out sand art. It is quite fun but again no point making to many if i have nowhere to sell them. Besides that i have been watching the tennis.

My son did settle down but he is moody again today and we had another disagreement. He is always complaining of no food in the house. I ask specifically what he wants, he says tuna, baked beans, some snack foods ie chips so i but them. Today he asked if here was any food for lunch , i pointed out i bought all he asked for and he complained i bought the cheap brand not the good one so he won't eat it. Amazing, even food has to have a 'label'. Told him tough luck, if he is hungry he will eat it. He complained again of no food, I asked again specifically what he wants he said 'i don't know just normal food not fake brands' We had chicken, chips and salad for dinner, after dinner he went out and said he was 'buying his own food' so he went out and bought snacks and chips even though we have some in the pantry. He asked me to buy dips and fruit as there are non in the fridge. The dip was finished today, can't help that and there is cantaloupe in the fridge, i offered to cut it up, said he downs twan it, offered to make him nachos, didn't want it. i am at a total loss. I seriously do not know what he wants. Teenage daughter frustrating me too. She asks a question, I tell her I will confirm or to give me a minute to sort out other things and she keeps asking. I don't know what she is not understanding about my answer.

Ah teenagers, besides that all is ok at the moment.

[Quercus]

Hi CMF,

Bleh. The "brand name" phase. Yuck. I remember going through that. My family never had a lot and I started highschool in a group who all had money. It was being worried about being called out as poor. Different. I was such an ass to my Mum.

I grew up eventually. Found new friends who weren't jerks. Learned there were more important things in life than brand. The key part... Leaving home and having to fend for myself. It is easy to want if you don't have to be responsible for the bills.

Try this maybe... Write your grocery list. A big shop with all the staples and cleabing stuff etc. Give your son and daughter the money and say off you go. Maybe it is time for them to see how much the shopping actually costs.

Your ex hasn't helped. It sucks that he throws money around for his girlfriend's kids but not his own. Not a great way to explain cost of living to them.

Hmmm. Hang on a minute. If your son is old enough to stay overnight with a girlfriend what is he doing to help at home? He's working yeah? A lot of friends started paying board to live at home once they were of age. I found it strange but it also made sense... When I went home it was my job to cook and clean and do laundry and I cleaned my Grandparent's house and cooked meals too. No board but I paid my way.

Do you think maybe it might help to have a chat about the kids being old enough to do more. No such thing as a free ride in life. Your son doesn't like the food? Well he can cook for all of you instead.

Just throwing out ideas. If they're crap just ignore ok.

Thank you for your post on my thread CMF. I'm ok. Slowly working through some issues but I'll get there one day 😊

❤ Nat

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Is it hard a local market to sell them?

They really are giving you some grief, school holidays makes all teens way too comfortable. I think he should buy his own food is he isn't happy with what you buy. He is working so if that is what he wants then maybe he should pay for it, especially when you are giving so many options to him as well. Not long until they are back at school and order would have been restored?

Much on for the weekend?

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Nat & Jay,

My son is being a pain in the but, if he doesn't like what I buy he can go hungry. He went to his gf's yesterday and she wasn't well, bad headache, it was 42 degrees. . He said he looked after her, put the cooling on, made sure she was hydrated, wet cloth on her head. He would never do that for me but I'm glad he did for her. Teenage daughter has a bit of attitude lately but we had a laugh tonight. I expect my kids to give me grief but I wNt them to be polite, respectful and considerate around others and in public. If they do that, I am proud. We've been busy, went to the pool a couple of times with our friend and her kids as it was so hot, watching tennis, catching ip on housework. I actually applied for a job today. A friend of my cousins befriended me on fb a while back. We know each other, used to all go out and spend holidays together. Her nephew has a plumbing business and posted a job on seek for an office administrator. She shared it on fb so I asked her questions and found out it is initially 3-4 days, few hours a day and work from home. Perfect for me so I applied today! If nothing comes of it it's ok, I'm glad I did it, looked up cover letter examples, spent time putting it together. We will see what happens.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Dear CMF.....I have all fingers crossed and sending positive vibes to you about this job...sounds great for you...I really hope you get it.

Your son sounds a lovely kid and I am sure your daughter is too......they will be fine. If you can survive these terrible teenage years, they will eventually turn into humans again and love you to bits!......luv Me x