Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

Declutter must be in the air.

[CMF]

Hello my dear friends from the West,

Yes, decluttering is the way to go. When my sister moved i also told her to store everything in the attic and only take it out if she needed it then get rid of it after a period of time.

Nat, you asked what I am doing differently. You may have read on other threads that this year my aim is to go 'cardless'. For daily expenses i want to set a limit, withdraw the cash and use only cash. It makes me more conscious of what I spending and i look for what is on sale on the supermarket. No more buying things just because they are on sale ie clothes/bags. Using the card all the time made it too easy to lose track. I think I need to tweak the budget a bit but so far i am happy with it. I actually have some left in my bank account which will cover bills. Today i bought my son's school books and needed to change one for my daughter. I go to a second hand book shop and As they only had one with pencil writing in it the lady gave me $5 back for it. I then got home, checked my email and had an enquiry re my son's old school uniform i am trying to sell. Hopefully she will come look at it on the weekend. I just want to get rid of it. I then got a call from my old gas/electricity company offering me a better deal than what I currently have so I may switch back. All these little things add up. I'm a bit anxious after talking to the gas/electricity guy as changing these things always make me anxious but if it works out better then why not. I had been thinking about ringing around anyway. Yes, cleaning out the bills yesterday did give me anxiety, triggered a few things but i will be ok, just like i have been triggered with the phone call today but it's ok. I've done it before and I can do it again. Hoping to change my phone plan also soon. Finances are my big trigger. I also feel good because little miss is going to school and i can actually look for a job. I thought I could last year but just was not viable as kinder was 15 hours a week and the hours per day were not enough to do much. I did feel the year was a waste but this year is different. I can change my life this year, get out there, do something. My kids are finding it hard to adjust to this new attitude with budgeting. No more going out shopping and buying lunch every time, eat before we go and remember the bottle of water. It caused a disagreement with my teenager today but bad luck, I've been too easy in the past. I should have done this a long time ago.

[CMF]

I also had a dentist appt today, they always give a little goody bag. he was running 15 mins late, no big deal but to make for it he asked what toothpaste i am using and gave me 4 medium size tubes of toothpaste for the inconvenience. I did not expect that, it was very thoughtful.

I feel I shouldn't even be talking about these good things because now something bad will probably happen. I'm going to jinx it.

I am worried about Jay, hope he is just away relaxing.

[velvetfaerie]

I find de- cluttering and turfing things out very cleansing. I aim to do more this weekend. 😄

Hope the teeth are ok CMF?

[CMF]

Hi Velvz,

Yes just a routine clean. I had extreme dental anxiety a few years back. Im getting better. Still get nervous but not as bad.

[CMF]

Well I am continuing my clean up/declutter but had a mixed day yesterday. I am continuing with my budget/cardless spending, may need to tweak it a bit but that's ok. Yesterday I went to the pool with my girls and my tenneager and i were going to the movies at night. She was given a movie voucher for xmas and decided we could go together tho. I also had a free pass but the movie was no free tickets so i told my daughter and she reminded me she was using her voucher for our tickets.The pool cost $15 plus little miss got an icy pole. We came home and miss teen asked if we were getting popcorn at the movie. I sort of lost it a bit as we had just got home front pool and there were already questions about what else we were getting. I cracked and commented that now she wanted popcorn too and her response was 'well the voucher was a xmas gift and I'm suing it to pay for everything'. I suggested we cancel our plans as the wanting never seems to end. I told her i would pay for my own ticket. In the car she said she would pay, it was her treat as that was what she said from the start . I thought that was the plan all along too. We did a bi of shipping and i returned the bathers i got her for xmas as they did not fit nicely,she wanted the cash instead.I paid for my movie ticket, she paid for her popcorn. I sat through the whole movie feeling upset, like a failure for not buying her popcorn. She has been a bit funny this week. She bought pj's last week with her own money. She wouldn't buy kmart, had to get Cotton On. I gave her the money when we got home and it was extra as i had no change. We were shopping during the week and she wanted things for school. I asked her to wait till i got her brothers and i would get it all at once. She said no she would pay for it and i got annoyed as she shouldn't have to pay for it but she insisted she had to get it that day. I gave her coins i had to pay for it and she said i never gave her the money for the pj's. I reminded her that i did plus extra. She has been a sour puss all week. Last weekend she was at her dad's and his GF and her kids were here. They went out to eat in the city 2 or 3 different restaurants, went to the movies. whenever I ask her to go out to eat she says she feels unwell going out but with her dad says she just sucks it up. If we go our shopping she is always hungry and wants food. I can't do what their dad does, eat out at restaurants etc.

[CMF]

Last year when my ex husband kicked out our son he told our daughter that he would buy her clothes for his house and she could spend more time there if she wanted. He did buy her a few things as they had a few functions on but she said she ordered some online last week but was going to pay with her pocket money. He has gotten into the habit of telling her, whenever she asks for something, that he pays me child support and that is for clothes so i feel she is now hesitant to ask him because of that reaction and so she uses her pocket money. I am no going to buy her clothes to keep at his house, if she does not want to cart things back and forth he can deal with it. He has also made a point that if he buys her things she is no to bring them here, they are to say at his house. This is fair enough I guess but Should I then make the same rule? It is really picking at hairs and ridiculous. She is his daughter and he has plenty to spend on going out for dinner and his gf and travelling interstate across the country every week to see her so why the big issue with making his daughter happy? It is more about being spiteful toward me and putting pressure on me.

[Quercus]

Hi CMF 😊

You are doing just fine! You are a good mum!

My friend has a teenage daughter and is in the same boat as you (ex is a jerk) and makes life difficult.

And I just wanted you to know your reaction is identical to hers.

Ok so your daughter is using her pocket money to buy what she wants. That is a good thing. She is learning financial responsibility.

Ok so your daughter used her voucher on others. How is this a negative thing? When we love people we share. That is a good lesson too.

Your ex gets to do the fun stuff. And for a teenage girl that is a priority. But down the track she is not going to remember the stuff she was given by him. She will remember the TIME and effort he. parents invested in her (or didn't).

Keep doing what you are doing. Reassure yourself you're doing well because you are.

And if your ex has a go about the child support and how it is used maybe suggest the kids stay with him for a week while you and little miss take a break. In this time it is his responsibility to sort out EVERYTHING for the kids. Appointments. School run. Activities. He currently has NO idea what the kids cost if he is giving you a hard time.

You're great. Go team CMF! Boo to the unrealistic ex.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Thanks Nat,

I know what you are saying is correct. Others have also pointed out to me that it is ok for the kids to use thier own money.

"And if your ex has a go about the child support and how it is used maybe suggest the kids stay with him for a week while you and little miss take a break. In this time it is his responsibility to sort out EVERYTHING for the kids. Appointments. School run. Activities. He currently has NO idea what the kids cost if he is giving you a hard time."

Haha, I don't think he could run away fast enough! If I ask him to do anything his excuse is that he works. So he criticizes me for not working but is happy for me to do all the running around. Hmmmm, I wonder what his argument will be when i work? Might see a bot of back peddling lol.

[velvetfaerie]

I have a work colleague who is "happily" married and he takes no responsibly for the two young kids. Appointments? No she has to take time off work every time. Organising things? Nope. Nothing. Some people are very unrealistic and want ALL the fabulous stuff when it comes to being a parent but can't be assed with some of the harsh realities.

I think it is unacceptable really. You choose parenthood you choose to participate in it even if you are not with the other parent romantically.

My 2c.

V.