Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Yeah ooowwwww it hurts 😔like I don't feel like enough of a punching bag as it is.

[velvetfaerie]

I hear ya, only i don't have shingles.

[velvetfaerie]

Good old herpes zoster huh?

Chichen herpes!!

All the stress etc has upset your body.., where I think I have adrenal exhaustion now.

stupod bodies who needs em

[CMF]

Yep, need to slow down I think. I feel better today, notes much pain just mainly in my hip now.

[velvetfaerie]

Slowing down... wise words. Mums on my case atm...

all I wanted was some time off from after tafe finished but sadly everyone else got priority. Meanwhile.... I can’t even focus.

Lets run away to a sunny beach!!!

[CMF]

He picked up little miss grom kinder and took her to the beach. Daid hed be back around 7.30pm. It' 9pm not back . 5 phone calls no answer. He finalky rang back being a typical smart are playing games not answering simple questions. Little miss in the background saying she wants mummy. He' at home, been there gives while. No problem but if you specify a time and it' late and I'm ringing the normal thing to do is answer not be a cocky a hole who thinks he can walk in and do what he wants. He doesn' deserve that right, he needs earn it.

[velvetfaerie]

Sounds like he needs a shingle..... and guess where!!??

AHhahaahah

[CMF]

Now my shingles are hurting, shooting pain in my leg. I typed last post on my phone, hence the spelling errors.

I'm all for him taking her out and giving me a break but answer your damn phone, he answers straight away if anyone else rings, he's just being cocky. He said she ate well and she can start to go there for dinner, told him he can pick her up anytime for dinner. He's forgotten that months ago his excuse was that he was too busy with the house.

Despite all this i did enjoy the break and the quiet time. It's a shame he has to be the way he is, it just ruins the enjoyment for me. He's been cocky all week, don't know why but it's that talking down to me tone that i hate.

Blaaaahhhh, now I'm in pain again 😞

[Guest_3712]

OMG you two kill me !

Shingles on the nether regions Ouch!

CMF listen up ok ! Teenagers are shallow , self serving , brats who go where they can get the most from .

The good news is they change in time and they will see their fathers for what they are .

The bad news is you have to wait it out . Stop beating yourself up about it . They are sponges and soak up everything and one day it will make sense to them ,

You are the main role model and you are giving them the morals and the right way to live .

My kids are in their 30”s and I still have to remind them of manners , responsibilities etc - it never ends but does get better .

I believe in karma- what goes around comes around .

You are a good person and s great mother - believe in you

cheers

Stressless

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Thank you for your kind words, they are much appreciated, I am feeling better so thank you for asking.

I read what you wrote about your older kids dad, very tough situation, I am surprised you son was seeing him again, last I heard when he kicked him out they were not on talking terms? Teenagers are very much influenced by who buys them more, it is so sad but love and doing all the little things don't seem to cut it with teenagers, which truly sucks and again from my experience when I was their age, I was doing the same with my parents, whoever would buy me something, I would be nice with, all these years down the track and it means nothing, I opened my eyes to the person each was and what they mean to me personally. That is what makes a difference and I wish you could fast forward to those moments when they realise without you, their world would grind to a massive halt.

Not sure why little miss' dad would do that with her especially when she wanted you, 9 pm is quite late as well. Very strange, and you are right, he has to earn the right to make decisions for her, as far as it should go, you say when she should be home and that time is final.

Hope the shingles and pain is getting better.

My best,

Jay