Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Hi Jojo,

Honestly I have been in full blown panic all day . Not going to contact the psychologist on a weekend . Really I just don’t know anymore . And reading her text she probably just mean’t to contact her after my last session . I just can’t do this everyday . Sorry I feel completely out of control . It’s so embarrassing.

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I am glad you saw the psychologist again and she has been in touch by phone and text.

I don’t know whether she would take calls on the weekend, probably not, but please contact her again on Monday.

You are probably tired of me saying this, but for now try concentrating on your breathing - deep and slow. When we are stressed we tend to do shallow breathing and at times almost hold our breath which doesn’t help.

Has anything happened today that has caused you to be feeling so overwhelmed? (It’s okay if you don’t want to say).

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Lilly99]

Hi Jojo,

I have a lot going on with my son . But it’s not only that . All day no matter how much I try I am panicked and emotional . I have tried meditation but with my agitation it’s hard to sit still . I am completely exhausted by night and then the thoughts come . It’s happening every day and every night. It’s relentless .

I am trying everything . I have contacted 2 chat lines today which didn’t help and I am not good on the phone .

I don’t know . I think this is going to be my life forever . I can’t see it’s possible for me to get better. I am trying everything to get help .

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Sorry things are still not going well with your son.

Have you ever tried using essential oils such as lavender for stress and anxiety? Putting a few drops on your pillow or on your neck or temples can really help with sleep and calming.

This is not going to be your life Lilly there is hope for you. You are much more open than when we first started chatting in May. You have progressed a lot, although you may not realise it.

Keep in touch with the psychologist and let her help and support you. That’s really good she is calling you regularly. You are doing well Lilly as therapy is hard work so very well done.

Stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

I will try the oil’s thank you. I am really trying to help myself but it’s living a nightmare I am so sick of facing everyday and night .

I really don’t know about theory . I can’t engage so pointless really . 6 sessions to go so really what could it possibly achieve . My agitation increases and then panic I can’t breath or talk . And after the session I am in a worse headspace . Sorry I am so negative . But extremely hopeless about my situation .

I am trying to stay strong but I just don’t know anymore .

I Hope You don’t feel obligated to respond to my posts Jojo. Thank you so much for sticking by me. I wish I could meet you in person to say thank you. I can’t say enough how I appreciate everything you have done for me.

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I respond to your posts because I care and I see someone who needs a friend. I’m not sure I always help, but I do try.

You can get lavender oil in Woolworths in the medicine section as it can also be used to soothe insect bites.

Thank you for your kind words. I too wish we could meet so I could give you a great big hug and see the amazingly strong person that you are.

Please keep on with the psychologist as she may come up with some new strategies to help you cope. You need people in your life who can support you and who know what’s happening to you. You have come such a long way so don’t stop now.

Poppy is going to turn 10 this week so will get her a new toy. All her other ones have no fluff left in them and she has managed to get the squeakers out! How old is Jack?

Take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Saree_p]

Hi Lilly,

How are you today?

The weather here is completely yuck! I am about to go play netball tonight for the first time in 8 years (scary). Tons of shit due for uni and nowhere near complete - focus really sucks right now!

Do I need to pull out that boat? Hold on, dear friend. Contact the psych on Monday, you can do this lovely lady.

Have you got a teddy bear you can hold onto tight? If not could you go out and get one? or a heavy heavy blanket? park yourself in bed or on the couch and put on a favourite tv series or movie, let the world pass by until tomorrow? Shit is bad right now, but maybe if you can disengage and go numb it might be a bit easier for you? Just a thought.

Lots of love,

Saree

[White_Rose]

Dear Lilly

I am so very sorry to learn you are so distressed. I don't keep in contact with you as often as Jojo and I am glad she can post so much. I have been in pain a lot for the past few weeks, someone tried to use my credit card and I managed to damage my car in Woolies car park. It's now being repaired and hopefully I will get it back tomorrow. I am saying this so you don't think I am abandoning you or I don't care. I do care very much about your well being. It's just my energy trickles away quickly at times.

Now please do not worry. I am looking after myself and I would like to chat more often. I have decided to tell you this so you will understand if I don't post frequently. Please do not beat yourself up about this. I would not have explained if I thought I was making you feel bad, so don't disappoint me. I am OK. Talking to you is also a great help to me.

It was good news that you saw the psychologist and she is phoning and texting. It shows she is concerned and is a caring person. I gather you were fairly open with her about the past. That is terrific, it really is. I can understand why you are now having panic attacks. Such a huge disclosure and I am sure you are now worrying about whether or not you should have said anything. Trust me, you did the right thing. Life is a bit uncomfortable because of this but IT WILL PASS. It really will and you will move on to the next stage.

You know what they say in exercise classes No pain, no gain. This applies to emotional problems as well. It is hard, it is tough and it requires strength of character and determination. I believe you have all of these attributes. You will say not but you have already demonstrated you can change. Jojo commented on this above and I have also said this. Look how far you have already come.

Trust the psychologist, trust yourself to move forward. I know your life is hard at the moment but you can change it. Lilly, even if it is kicking and screaming all the way, trust those who are helping you that you will come out intact the other end.

I have to trust my medical people to keep me well but I also need to do as they say. Not something I am good at but I am learning. Please do the same.

Mary

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree,

Jojo- Thank you , you do help a lot . Jack is 13 years he pulls the stuffing and squeaker out as well . Happy birthday little poppy . I hope you are well Jojo .

Saree- congratulations on your new job. Very exciting . And the private psychologist sounds good . And thank you for your advice I will try . Sorry I haven’t been there for you. Beating myself up I can’t help anyone on the forum . I could do with the boat .

Today is like everyday emotionally but a lot more intense . I am so embarrassed a grown women being so extremely needy . And so pathetic. I couldn’t hate myself more for my behaviour. .

I am trying but all I want to do is give up . Sorry it’s hard to explain exactly on the forum

It’s just so hard fighting this

Thank you again

Lilly .

[Lilly99]

Dear Mary ,

Sorry I didn’t see your post I was typing . So sorry to hear you have been in pain I wish I could take your pain away . And then your car and credit card . That’s not good at all . I honestly do understand when you don’t post . Please take care of yourself .

I haven’t disclosed anything about my past to the psychologist All I mentioned was where my thoughts are taking me. I just can’t talk when I am there so I think it’s unlikely I will disclose anything . Maybe I am having these attacks because I am afraid of where she wants to take me . I am not sure . I know I have to trust her and she seems really nice. But trust isn’t something that comes easy to me .

Sorry I don’t want to let you all down . But it’s just really hard .

Thank you Mary

lilly