Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Don’t be sorry Lilly. You are a worthwhile person and I just want to see you get well.

Hope things are starting to ease a bit for you and you are not so overwhelmed.

How are you sleeping these days?

Stay positive and keep yourself safe xox

With love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Saree_p]

Boo Lilly,

Sorry for my abscence, I have been following along but didn't want to pass on my negativity - hope you understand.

Have you got that very speedy boat ready? I may need to start preparations to build one and come get you!? xx

Something I want to share with you. In my moments of clarity, I realise there are beautiful things that happen each day. Some days it is so tiny you miss it until you are in a good place to look back. Other days its staring you in the face, you may turn away from it out of fear, or you may turn towards it, but it is there. There is always hope, if you choose to look for it. It is a choice, as is life. There is so much that we can not control, so much we can not change or undo, but we can choose how we interpret and react to things.

Lilly, life sucks, it really does, but what is it in life that brings you peace? Nature? go out, observe it, live it, breathe it, let it be the hope you need it to be, the reason why you choose to live.

Those are my mini moments of clarity, I think they are what keep me going. I know I can end all the misery very quickly, but why don't I? cause there is hope it will be better, no matter how bad it gets, and its gotten bad!!, but then you have those moments and you know why you haven't. They may not be often, but cling to them, as if they are a raft that will guide you to safety.

Hope you are well dear friend.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just wondering how you are? How is the spring weather where you are? We are due for some lovely days which is great.

Hope you manage to get out for a walk once in a while, blow the cobwebs away.

I agree with Saree sometimes you have to actively look out for the good moments in the day. Like the time with the koala bear. So keep your eye out every day.

Take care of yourself dear friend xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree,

I have been trying to reply all night . But can’t find the words .

I am having a extremely bad night . I have tried everything . Not going to phone a helpline . I can’t block out the intrusive thoughts .

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Sorry I shouldn’t have posted. It’s all so hopeless . I know I am never going to be well .

Sorry lilly

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lily99,

We’re sorry you’re having such a terrible night. It sounds really rough, and we think you are so strong. There is always hope. Things can always improve with the right treatment and support. If you don’t feel like calling one of the phone services there are other options:

Lifeline web chat available at https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (7pm-4am)
beyondblue Support Service  web chat available at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport (3pm-12am)

There is always someone to reach out to if you need us. You never need to be sorry for posting and reaching out.

Please take care,

Sophie
 

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Sorry you are having such a horrible time. Did you try meditation? Just repeating a mantra over and over for say 20 mins might help to block out the intrusive thoughts. I definitely think it is worth a try.

If you are unable to find the words to post maybe try writing them down and then tearing the paper up. It is a way of getting your feelings out in complete privacy.

If you are feeling angry or frustrated try punching a pillow for a while and this again gets your feelings out safely.

Don’t ever be sorry for posting as that’s what the forums are for. We are all behind you Lilly willing to listen and trying to help.

Wishing you well and stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐨🚤

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

This is your friendly infrequent visitor. Bad nights really are the pits. I had three hours last night. I thought I would sleep during the day but did not. My bad nights are due to medication for the myeloma and history being triggered. Not easy to put to one side so I can relate to how you are feeling. Below is part of a post I wrote in 2016.

My strategies.

1. Sit outside and watch/admire my garden. Not a spectacular garden but I made it and I like to remind myself that I do have some skills.
2. Meditate. I can also do this outside once general peace of the garden has settled me.
3. Phone a friend. No guarantee someone will be available so I tell myself I can talk later.
4. I like craft work, especially if it needs a lot of attention. This stops me focusing on my misery. So I work on my scrapbooking which requires concentration. I embroider but this allows me to think too much so I either put on a music CD and sing along with it, or listen to a talking book. These are available at your local library.
5. One of the things I found I could not do was to read. Two pages and I was exhausted. Listening is a different experience. Try it some time. TV was also something I found difficult. Too many triggers. Now I do watch some TV. I knit at the same time and it's a good combination.
6. My GP is always urging me to go for a walk, but to me this is a four letter word. I do attend an exercise class. For those who like walking it's a good distraction and especially good for people with depression as your brain releases endorphins and helps you feel better.
7. Projects are good. I don't mean completely redecorating your home, just something small. Planning for this not only distracts you but gives something to look forward to and jogs you into a new path.
8. Make sure you have some regular activities to look forward to. I belong to a book club although there was a time I could not read the chosen book. I went for the company and my friends accepted this and cared for me in this way. Other good activities such as joining an exercise class of some sort such as Pilates.
9. I made dresses for my grandchildren. This was at the suggestion of my psychologist (who I discovered was a fraud) and it seemed important to be able to say I had at least started work.

Some of these are not for you I know but get the idea. Start planning.

Mary

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Hope you are feeling a bit better and maybe you can try some of Mary’s strategies to distract yourself from your intrusive thoughts - or come up with your own ideas.

Might be worth thinking outside the box and being adventurous- see what you can come up with. Google groups and clubs in your area see what comes up.

It would be so good if you could make some friends - you just never know when or where the opportunity may arise.

Wishing you well and take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🚤

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Mary ,

Thank you for the strategies, idea’s and kindness .

Sorry I am not doing very well things couldn’t be worse , it’s hard to find the right words to post atm.

I have seen the psychologist again and she has phoned or texted me everyday to see how I am . She said I could text her and she would phone me back for a chat asap. I have told her exactly how I am feeling .

I am sorry if I have caused any problems, worry or hurt .It’s not my intention . It’s just really hard when I am in this headspace.

Lilly.