Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Mary,

Please don’t apologise for not posting I completely understand. I hope you are feeling a little better. And taking good care of yourself . Please don’t feel like you need to respond to my posts.

I can completely relate to what you said about when you were at your worst and how you felt about your family . As that’s exactly where I am sitting atm . It’s just hard for me to verbalise it.

I can’t explain why I fell so unworthy of help compared to someone else. I know why I feel this way. And if I was to tell someone why I am sure they would be sympathetic but that still doesn’t help me see myself differently. I don’t know maybe blunt works for me more than sympathy. I am not sympathetic at all about myself . I feel I deserve everything I get. I almost feel I need to let this take its full course. So my pain just stops.

I think seeking help to me is prolonging the pain. This never ending nightmare. I don’t see it as a possible bearable life.

I like the quote about the dragon. I will put it on my wall .

I actually forgot to mention I have the smiling minds app. I have used it a few times but doesn’t really help much. I will look into other apps .

When you feel like posting again can you explain how you meditate. But if you can’t it’s fine.

Thank you for your help

lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just wondering how you are today?

Please listen to Mary as she has made some very good points.

Relax Melodies is quite a good app for your phone which helps with sleep and relaxation. It is worth trying a few apps as some are better than others.

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care xox

With lots of love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[Lilly99]

Dearest Jojo, Saree and Mary

Thank you Jojo for the app I will look it up. You have all been an amazing supportive, compassionate dear friends.

I had a really bad night with my family. I can’t talk about it. And I can’t talk about how I am feeling. It’s all so hopeless. 

Thank you for everything dear friends.

lilly

[Saree_p]

Lilly,
You can do this dear friend!

Have you tried yoga?

I'm honestly out of advice, but I'm there with you in spirit dear friend. Always am, and always will be. Xx

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Sorry you had such a bad night with your family. Try and take some time out for yourself to hopefully make yourself feel better.

Saree has suggested trying yoga - what do you think? You can check YouTube for exercises to try.

Take care and be kind to yourself xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

A quick post to you. I am happy to talk about meditation or anything else I have mentioned.

It's good you know why you feel unworthy of of help. It's a great start. Please remember that worthiness does not depend on on how good or bad you have been or what has happened in your life. We are all worthy because we are all human and we are all connected to each other in ways we may sometimes find surprising. When one of us hurts, we all hurt.

I have been in pain again for a couple of days and reluctantly taking some pain relief. I have an appointment with the physio in the morning which I hope will improve matters. Just for now I am tired. I would like to make sure I answer you properly about meditation so I will get back to you soon.

Keep your chin up. You may not realise it but you have moved forward a great deal since you first wrote in here. We often find it surprising when someone says that but you know the expression, "The onlooker sees more of the game". Your onlookers are cheering.

Mary

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo, Sareeand Mary.

Thank you for all you support .

Mary I am so sorry you are in so much pain . I feel so sad for you. I hope the physio helps a lot . I will be thinking of you.

Thank you all for your kind words .

I am not coping at all. I feel if one more thing happens it would top me over the edge , I am so overwhelmed. I don’t know I think I am a lost cause . Sorry feeling pretty emotional about everything .

I keep waking up hoping things may get better .

I am sorry I feel like I am letting everyone down . I am trying to beat this but it’s consuming me .

Thank you all for your help

lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Sorry you are not coping and feeling so overwhelmed. And you are not a lost cause however, you do need to try and reduce the stress in your life and get some support for yourself.

So please please keep your appointment tomorrow and offload what you are feeling and going through to the psychologist.

Hope Mary is able to teach you some meditation techniques too as that would be really worth learning.

Wishing you well and will be thinking of you tomorrow (if you decide to go).

Stay strong xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I hope you are doing okay, especially if you went to the appointment with the psychologist today. It would be great if she could teach you some coping strategies for when you are feeling overwhelmed.

However, if you decided against going then I hope you can keep finding ways to distract yourself from the distressing thoughts that you have.

Hope your son has settled down and is going a bit better now.

Take care and stay strong xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

When I started meditating it was like a new world. I put all my effort into this because it gave me some time away from pain. I don't know if that is the right motivation but it worked for me. Over time I became more able to cope but I would not ever say it was a cure. For that I needed professional help. Meditation helped me to listen to the psychiatrist and try to understand. Over time I found some stillness inside me and that was amazing.

I was taught Christian Meditation but this process has been used for many thousands of year, certainly before Christianity arrived on the scene. The process is simple but not easy. You need to find your own space to sit and I suggest you always use the same place. Sit on a comfortable chair or sofa, preferably one with a straight back. Sit up with your back as straight as you can but without strain. Lightly leaning against the chair back is good. Both feet flat on the floor and your hands resting in your lap or on your knees, whichever is more comfortable. Lightly close your eyes.

Do you have a timer on your phone? If so set it for 20 minutes. If you can put a minute or so of soft music to play before the timer starts that is good. I know I do not have a technical brain so I use a meditation CD which plays some music and then goes to silence for 20 minutes before playing the music again. Not necessary if you can use a timer which indicates the time is up.

Once settled repeat silently in your mind a phrase or word. This is called your mantra. One word which is recommended is the Aramaic word Maranatha pronounced in four separate syllables. Ma ra na tha. If you want to choose something else that's fine. Make sure it's not a word you use in everyday life. I often use the first sentence of a psalm.

Sit and repeat this word/phrase silently to yourself. When you find your thoughts are wandering, gently take yourself back to the mantra. No point in berating yourself or giving up. I do not know anyone who can consistently say their mantra for 20 minutes without some wandering. I am no exception. As you practice this you will become more comfortable. I don't want to tell you what will happen because we are all different. For me I feel some peace even when I find myself thinking about what to have for tea or reminding myself to do something.

Practice this every morning. It will take time so please do not give up after a few tries. I think it will help you but it is your decision to try this.

Mary