Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo, Saree and Mary .

Sorry I will post again soon. There are a lot of things happening with the family . A lot of arguments. It’s really not good .

Thank you for your posts

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Its so good to hear from you, however, you don’t have to apologise for not feeling like posting as you have enough to deal with atm.

I am sorry to hear you are still struggling at home and doing it tough. Please try to go to the psychologist this week and let her decide how she can help you that’s her job. Get some support for yourself- it’s your turn now.

I agree ten sessions is not enough, but it is a start and Saree is learning new breathing and grounding techniques so maybe that would help you too.

I believe you have the courage to attend your appointment on Thursday even if you don’t believe it, so please go along.

I hope your son is improving and starting to settle down.

Take good care of yourself and let us know how you go on Thursday if you feel up to it xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔

[Saree_p]

Hi Lilly,

It is so wonderful to hear from you.

Please take a look at the website - it isn't about what you will read about yourself, it is what you will read that will help you understand what is going on internally and why. Well thats what I hope. It did that for me, the fear and terror makes a lot more sense, and whilst I am still annoyed by it, the level of self-punishment has decreased as I recognise that its a response I can't really control. Which is why you feel so out of control at times.

I do hope you made it to your appointment??

We are here wonderful person.

Lots of Love,

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just wondering how you are and if you made it to your appointment today. However, it’s okay if you would rather not discuss it.

I went to my art group today which was fun. I am working on a picture of a peacock at the moment which is turning out quite nice in bright and vivid colours.

It sounds like the article Saree has found would be worthwhile for you to read - see what you think.

My thoughts are with you xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree,

Thank you Saree I will look at the website and let you know what I think . I will have to wait for a calm day. There isn’t any atm.

Jojo art sounds good . I can only draw stick men .

Things aren’t good emotionally . I am not doing well. My son is saying lots of things to me . But it’s nothing I don’t already think about myself .

We had a really big fight Thursday before my appointment and all week . . Anyway I still went could hardly drive there . I went into full blown panic and couldn’t breath or talk. She tried to calm me down but she couldn’t . I left quickly . She is going to call me to make another appointment however I can’t see the point . I have had enough . And feeling extremely guarded.

My son won’t call the kids helpline and atm I couldn’t either.

Sorry Saree you have so much trouble getting help that you need . I do think you will get there in the end . Hope you like living with your bf he sounds lovely.

Thank you dear friends for everything

lilly

[Saree_p]

wonderful Lilly xx

Please do not worry about me, I am getting there - it is beyond frustrating, but I am getting there. It seems it will be years away to get the actual help I need, but these small steps may remove all the hold ups and get me in the right direction - I just have to hope that I do not keep collapsing so badly I am forced into hospital.

Plus I have an amazing person in my life, I am more terrified of stuffing it up!

I am hoping that reading the article will actually help ease some of that turmoil, could you try to play some music, have a glass or two, some quite time to yourself and read it?

Prayers are with you dear friend.

Please remember your son is lashing out, he knows you and therefore knows how to hurt you. I know how hard it is, but please understand it is not you.

Suggestion: Could you be alone for an 30 mins, an hour, or more? play some music you like or is relaxing (drown out the world), have a drink or 2, and write, just write. Write whatever comes into your head, just let it go.... and then fold it into an envelop.... the rest of my suggestion would be then to hand it over to your psychologist or GP, no alterations, just raw you. but this only has to be done if you want it to be. I know how hard that last step is, let alone the first ones.

Lilly, please try it. Its what I did the other night, and it worked! nothing is fixed, but I am not alone bearing this huge problem. The pieces of paper and myself now bear the issues. Sounds weird, but it helped.

Prayers are with you lovely soul,

xx

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are amazing for making it to your appointment especially with all the turmoil at home. Good on you! And don’t beat yourself up for leaving in a hurry. I have done that - I just got up and ran out the door! I suspect that happens a lot at first. However, I am so glad I went back.

It sounds like your son needs to talk to someone rather than take his anger and frustration out on you. Hopefully he will eventually ring the Kids Helpline or Headspace.

I think Saree’s idea of writing things down for the psychologist is a good one, especially if you are finding it hard to talk. However, onlywrite what you are comfortable with so that you are not too overwhelmed. See what you think.

Please don’t give up. I know how difficult it is, but you have taken the first few steps which are the hardest.

Again, very well done Lilly and keep on going xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree ,

Thank you for all your help and support. But I can’t go. Back to the psychologist.

Sorry feeling very low atm. I think I have just given up on myself.

sorry

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree,

Sorry feeling really emotional writing this .

My son has left and I don’t know where he is . I have tried to keep him safe for his up coming court appearance in a few months . He has to appear and then it’s going to a higher court. This has nothing to do with his accident this is so much worse . It could be serious jail time .

I couldn’t protect him . I am such a failure as a mum. There isn’t any amount of talking to a psychologist that’s going to change anything .

Feeling extremely overwhelmed . Beating myself up big time. I don’t know what the point is anymore . I feel so sad I can’t get hold of my emotions .

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Don’t give up on yourself- you have done so well going to see the psychologist. It takes time to notice any change or improvement as it’s a gradual process.

It’s like Shrek says he has layers like an onion! It takes time to unravel what has happened and it is no different for people! (another of my favourite movies btw).

Having counselling is hard work and you need patience too, so please be brave and reconsider going back and seeing it through.

You can do it Lilly, do it for yourself and do it for your family xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔