Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are wrong. Both your children need you so much. They are at a very vulnerable and impressionable age. You have done your best under really difficult circumstances. You are not a failure, you are unwell and in need of support. Also you are one of the strongest and most resilient people I know.

Please don’t give up. It is worth the effort. Who will take care of your sons if you are not there? Where will they live? But most of all they would be devastated.

Stay safe and strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers xox

With love & hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🕯

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

Jojo is right (of course). Your children need you. They will not see it or ask for it, instead they will most likely hurt you rather than show it. But in years to come they will see what you did for them. It is clear you love them dearly.

I know I am not one to speak atm and my issues probably do not provide a comforting ground for the concept. But could you please try and seek help?

knowing you have done so many times, but maybe do a her is all one?

What do you think?

I confess, my head is not operating atm and I feel I have lost touch with where you are at at them moment. Are you still working - last I can remember you had taken time off. Could you walk into your GP?

I confess I would've yesterday, and almost did, bar knew she was away and couldn't deal with someone else.

Thoughts are with you Lilly, I really really want to send that boat out to give you support! You deserve so much more. I am truly sorry, life sucks!

Saree

[Lilly99]

Sorry for everything Jojo .

Thank you for helping saree.

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Thinking positive thoughts takes practice. Try repeating something such as: I can get well over and over again and try to reduce the amount of times you think I can’t....

Otherwise I am going to have to send you to the shack to keep Saree company lol!

Despite what you say, you are still continuing on, which shows your strength of character and determination.

Keep your spirit up and keep fighting on because you are worth the effort.

As always my thoughts and prayers are with you my dear friend xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I have so much going on . I don’t know where to start.

Years of this struggle . There isn’t any light . Only ever darkness .

There is no way out of the darkness .

Lilly

[Lilly99]

I should have never opened up on the forum about my past. I am so ashamed and embarrassed .

I don’t even recognise who I am anymore. I normally keep things close. I have opened up more than I ever have. I am beating myself up big time .

I need to push people away. That way I feel safe. I won’t post for a little while.

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You can breathe Lilly you can breathe just slow down, slow deep breaths. You are safe. No one is going to harm you. I am holding your hand, I am right beside you in spirit.

Try and get some rest you must be exhausted with visiting at the hospital. Try some herbal tea and a hot shower before bed.

If things get too much please ring one of the emergency numbers.

Please think about going back to your GP as talking to someone in person can be a comfort. She is probably wondering how you are too.

Stay safe xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🕯

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Please don’t beat yourself up for sharing. You have no need to be ashamed or embarrassed as you are not alone. It takes courage to open up and I for one am proud of you for speaking your truth. I hope this can be the beginning of healing for you. (It gets easier the more times you share your story).

Its okay if you don’t feel like posting, however, I am not going anywhere you are stuck with me!

Good night to you xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Lilly99]

Dear jojo

The thing is I feel exposed , vulnerable, dirty . Ashamed .

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I felt the same things, however, that’s where counselling really helped me. The feelings and, especially the shame, belonged to the perpetrator not to me.

That’s why trauma counselling could help you immensely. If you could write down what you said in your post and take it to the psychologist they would be able to help you process what has happened to you.

There is light at the end of that tunnel and hope for your life to change. You have taken the first most difficult step by sharing on the forums. Please consider taking things further.

Go back to your GP and ask for a referral to the trauma counsellor. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Set yourself free from the blame and shame that doesn’t belong to you. You were innocent and still are.

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯