Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo.

What have you been up to today ?

Not sure about going back to the g.p . Really would can she do. Refer me to a psychologist and I will never open up ever. I can’t see the point .

I am a lost cause I can’t be helped .

Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I have just been pottering around at home today as the weather has been very wet all day.

I hope you decide to see your GP again on Wednesday as she can assess you and see how you are going now. Have you been taking the medication she gave you to help sleep?

Please consider seeing the trauma psychologist as she/he may be able to teach you some helpful techniques to cope with your anxiety, agitation and depression.

There is hope for you Lilly so don’t give up now, you are not beyond help.

My thoughts are with you xox

With love & hugs

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

No I haven’t taken anything for sleep . I can’t explain why on the forum. I hope you can understand why . I can’t let my guard down even to sleep .

Everyday I wake up hoping it will be different and everyday it’s a struggle to get through .

I feel sad and upset I couldn’t do better emotionally for my family . There isn’t any doubt about it . I wish they had a different mum . One that is stronger than me .

I have failed I am a failure .

Thankyou Jojo for everything . For being here for me, I do value you as a friend . I am sorry for being so emotionally needy. You have helped me from the beginning. I do appreciate and heard everything you have said .

I cant seek help anymore . It’s just too hard . I am not strong enough .

Lilly 🌺

I

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I think I do understand why you are reluctant to take meds to sleep. How many hours do you usually sleep?

You are not a failure and despite what you think you are very strong. Can I ask you what age are your children?

You are so self-reliant and independent which is why you are much stronger than you realise. Please don’t lose hope. With help you too can improve and get better xox

With love & 🤗

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

I sleep 3-4 hrs . Sometimes less. . My children are 18 and 19 years Old. So lots of issues at this age. Very self absorbed in there own lives . They are giving me grief atm which probably isn’t helping .

I just can’t do this anymore .

I hate myself more than anyone can imagine .

your friend lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

One of my children isn’t working . Living the dream and very social . And up too a world of trouble The other has and is still having serious health issues for the last 8 years and can only work sml hrs each week. It’s heart breaking actually . And then throw in my lifelong issues it’s probably a recipe for disaster.

I am just trying to keep a roof over there heads .

I have brought them into a world of discrimination and hurt. And then throw in a worthless mother in the mix. What have I done.

Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are definitely not a worthless mother. You are doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances. You are to be commended for keeping a roof over your family’s head especially when you struggle to get through each day.

Don’t hate yourself you have many great qualities such as: compassion, caring about others, courage, resilience, strength, sense of humour and intelligence. You are way too hard on yourself Lilly.

Have you ever tried positive affirmations? These are sayings with positive messages which you tell yourself over and over to try and change a negative thought. Such as I hate myself would become I love and accept myself. Google it see what comes up.

My thoughts & prayers are with you xox

With love your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ?

Yes I have tried positive affirmations with my mental health nurse. The problem is I don’t believe it when I say it,

I have had a massive fight with one of my children tonight . Not in a good head space. I am beating myself up big time . I don’t think I could get any lower . It just has confirmed everything I think about myself .

The knocks keep coming . I am not going to get up from this one .

Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Sorry you have had a fight with one of your children. Are you able to talk things over later and sort things out?

Meantime is there anything you can do now to make yourself feel better? Please don’t beat yourself up as teenagers can be quite a challenge even at the best of times.

I have just found a free app on my phone called Happy Colour which is a paint by numbers app. It is good fun and passes the time. I’ve just done a lovely picture of a tiger. You might want to check it out?

Wishing you well & hope your weekend settles down xox

With love and hugs

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I will look at that app.!

I probably won’t be able to talk things over . They resent me . But not as much as I resent myself .

Jojo not sure if I should call someone tonight . Not in a good place right now .

Lilly