Domestic abuse

monkey_magic · ‎22-01-2017

He started out supportive,courageous,and huge hearted. We became intimate & that's when he's insecurities & past issues overcame him. I was yelled at,owned,controlled. He was jealous & used to scar me with his cutting words. I was hurt, suicidal & confused & genuinely fearful. How could a man that loved me change so rapidly & then change back? I was experiencing different ppl in one! I found him intimidating, aggressive & then homicidal & suicidal.... I needed to run for dear life,especially feeling like I could b killed. Mental illness also surfaced in the time we spent together. I was caught in the firing line. I went back one last time after his yelling demand of me coming to get my bike as it was in his way. I was out the front of his place looking at him through the curtains, he was in a bad way. I felt scared & thought I should leave. I went against my instinct. He opened the door ,I said I've come to get the bike & I'm leaving, it set him off!! I paced backwards towards my car. He was screaming,picked up my bike & threw it, screaming, puffed out his chest & stomped towards me with fists clenched. I wanted to run and go into the car but thought he'd probably smash the window so I stood there shocked staring into his eyes as he stomped towards me. Strangely he got right in my face fists still clenched then raised & started crying. He held onto me & wanted me to come inside with him. I was scared & just wanted to leave but went inside. There, he was consuming alcohol. I also had some & reached for one of his cigarettes but he didn't want me to have one. I had one anyway. It set him off again. He said u don't care & attempted suicide. I called the ambulance. I am glad to say I am no longer with this man. What turned into emotional abuse could have turned physical. I believed if I didn't stare into his eyes with all my strength as he stomped towards me, I might not b here today. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎23-03-2017

So shocked to hear all this babe,

Sorry I wasn't online. My internet was disconnected yesterday (cos haven't done any banking for 3mths so credit card suspended, not maxed out though, phew)

Hope you keep holding it together. You sound like you must be feeling better if at the gym. Good stuff. So glad you feel calmer. So was it a panic attack or PTSD thing maybe?

Good to hear your mum's going in to bat for you. I don't think they'll be able to do anything against your will if she's happy to vouch for you. Plus you have good accommodation and support there, so there's no reason for them to interfere. Unbelievable, what gives them the right? You have total power over yourself and what happens to your body, including what medications you take. Keep being assertive, and above all, be rational. Then they will have to leave you alone.

As for medical records, you can ask for copy. If any problems, then you can apply through freedom of information. It might be helpful to get a copy if you think they are incorrect. There is an medical ombudsman too. Hopefully you won't need to take it any further.

You just need to concentrate on yourself. Starwolf is spot on as usual. Time of crisis is turning point. World falling apart is necessary for everything to fall in to place. Take your time and think things through. You will know the things you need to do.

I gotta do the same. My warning call not quite as dramatic!! I've been waiting for the stuff to hit the fan. I gotta start facing real life again and dealing with all the bs. It's felt so good not to have to, I really dont want to start again, but reality is now knocking louder. I can't believe it's almost the end of March. Where did it go. Another 3 mths off would be great, but I'm lucky that everything hasn't imploded already. Although maybe it has, I just don't know, cos still haven't put phone back on hook. Sigh...tomorrow??

Sending tight hugs, Lee ooxoo

monkey_magic · ‎24-03-2017

Thankyou so much for your reply Lee, because of my mum I'm not in there. Its like walking into hell. In the past they were medicating me against my will so I didn't have the power over it. I do however have the power to expose them and hopefully this gives a voice to all the other victims out there...& they should all say their piece....I appreciate your words...as for starting again, I have so many times...life on earth is short... I think u r finding your power or will find your power...xx

monkey_magic · ‎24-03-2017

Hey Simona,

Your thread is knowledgeable and you give great insight into your condition.

I personally believe conditions r changeable...because I have changed my feelings in the past and its healed my brain in the past...I'm all into doing it naturally but if that isn't possible then OK, meds...I don't want meds right now because I'm OK with the signs my body is giving me as I know the feelings and emotions attached to them. I will get well again...without their interference ( mhu)... They seem their way is the only way and they will not listen to me...they will not give me my right of choice which is why I'm angry at them. I have control...just bcas u have a feeling doesn't mean you'll act on it....I rem saying to them if u love your medication so much why don't u take it. I rem being threatened, " if u don't take this medication you will be admitted " oh, OK child dressed as a man controlling others.....Satan is behind some of these people, the devil & they know it and they know it is corrupt...( one side of it) in my humble opinion...

monkey_magic · ‎24-03-2017

As you know juggling struggling accomplish one thing at a time...hope ur OK hun. Lots of love and thanks for your feelings x

Guest_829 · ‎24-03-2017

hiya steph6 it was good reading your posts and i hope things are better and you've sorted some things out and worked out what you want.ive had some rotten times and been through some good and bad experiances over the years,you live a while and you see the good and bad in people if you know what i mean.ive been lost a few times too.read a lot of books,online sites,asked my true good mates advice without actually letting them know there was a problem going on..and sometimes i'd still do the opposite of the smart thing to do.im human,im flawed,the older i get im getting a little more tolerant,and patient with people close to me,if that makes sense.and im not cutting them out of my life just because they do things i dont get,and dont understand,and that make no sense.just want to say sometimes people are going through a bad patch themselves and arent their best,and years down the track you find out they were having this intense battle and kept it to themselves cos they didnt want to bother anyone,or thought no one cared,and stuff like that.because ive been a bit more patient and stood back a bit more some people have come good.some people.and then ive found out oh this was why things were so bad at such an such a time.hope your in a good way and things are looking up for you.

monkey_magic · ‎24-03-2017

Hi everyone,

I'm going to have some time off line for a while I think as I need to conquer some things. Emotions, thinking patterns, life stuff.

Plz believe in yourselves. Plz don't take the easy way out. It can be a rough, tough, hard slog but we have understanding from others, hope, common ground. Pain & depression can lessen. Your knowledge and your story can keep another soul going. And that's the key word keep going...if you are in the worst situation, what can u do to make it better? Take a risk, forgive yourself, let go, free your mind....know your inner voice, be patient, pat yourself on the back, be your best friend...

Feelings can and do change..& situations change...

For anyone wanting to commit suicide imagine u did it successfully and saw hell what would u do then?? That's the situation I found myself in. I drank. I fought! There was no way I was going stay there for eternity & I was brought back to my body...id rather face hell in the physical rhelm. It is better....it might not seem like it but trust me it is. If u feel as though u can't soldier on believe one day u will be able to..just believe or imagine & it could come true...count all of your blessings...you are somebody...and love can b found even if u don't feel it...saviours exist...comfort, the unknown. You are all loved immensely...change is looming ....a bit all over the place but hey that's me ATM....

I truelly wish the best for you all and hope each & everyone of you finds their way...knows their purpose on this earth & uses their gifts whether it be a singing, writing,musical talent, whatever it is....

For everyone that has taken the time to think of me, write to me, help me, give me knowlege, relate to me, support me...thankyou all so much. You are wonderful people & our hardships are shared...when I read your stories I think if they can live with their experience I can live with mine.

Peace to all, even if you don't feel it 😉

To anyone that needs to hear it death is the common denominator...you might think oh that person is doing so well compared to me, they're richer, more attractive, have a better job, good health, haven't had to go through or live with what I do...but you know what we all suffer the same fate in the end...so relax& laugh it out....oxoxo

Please take care

Guest_9809 · ‎24-03-2017

Steph, thankyou for your message. I understand your need to take some time off-line. When, or if, you feel the desire to return here, we will all be here ready to greet you with open arms.

Thankyou for your understanding, supportive and warm hearted responses to me personally while you have been here. Its a pleasure to know you.

Please take good care of you, and do all in your power to make things right. I will miss seeing you around. (-:

Sending you a big hug.

Taurus xx

Croix · ‎24-03-2017

Dear Steph~

Thank you for being you, it helps

Croix

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎24-03-2017

No worries. Ha!

Just don't overthink things. Be your spontaneous best.

This place will always be here if you need it.

Have fun!

Lee ooxoo

monkey_magic · ‎20-10-2017

I heard from the guy I used to see that abused me and felt scared this time. Sometimes he's happy, cheerful, loving and supportive, then has a superiority complex.

I have seen "other" guys since him, currently seeing how it goes with one but having some reservations.

Im sure I am too forgiving and should have cut the guy I used to see off!! Then he's all huge hearted and I think I love him. Haven't seen him in person for a long time and will never get back....