DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Ggrand]

Dearest Mrs Dools🤗..

I am deeply sorry that your not feeling safe..Please precious friend don’t hesitate to go to the hospital if you need to...You are important and need to feel safe...I hate hospitals but they do help and provide a safe place with care for you until your feeling able to cope again....Please sweet lady..speak to your gp..asap.

Awe dear lady I’m sure your husband wants you to be safe..you won’t disappoint him if your looking after yourself I’m sure of that...I can hear in your last few posts how down you are and it concerns me you don’t feel safe..please try hard as you can and do what’s needed to do to start feeling safe again...if that’s hospital..then please do it...

I’m sorry if I sound pushy..that’s not me at all..but out of concern and knowing full well what’s it’s like to feel unsafe I’m really concerned about you...

Im sorry I’m not much support at the moment..it’s just that I’m finding the transition back home a bit hard..

Never loose hope Mrs Dools..it’s inside us all...I’m giving you some of mine if I can... as well as some prayers for your wellness....

Please look after you sweet friend and take all the care you have for others and use it or yourself...

Love precious friend and caring hugs..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear Doolsy 🤗

I know how it feels to be so low that you don't think you can go 1 step further.

You can Doolsy you have to believe you can. I know your minds telling you that you can't but you can.

Please don't give up on yourself.

You've been here before and you've made it through and you can again.

It's so bloody hard but it's there it's in you.

Too many people love and really care about you. Please pull up with everything you have.

Tell yourself you're NOT going to suffer anymore!

You've had enough of this crap!

Turn the pain around Doolsy I know you can. You do have the strength

Please

Love Deebi ⚘💗🗯

[Doolhof]

Hey Deebi,

I don't have the strength right now.

I give up.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools,

I’m very worried. I understand you’re hurting. You’re heard and cared about here. Very much so...

I know you mentioned how you were considering hospital before. Do you think that is perhaps where you might need to be?

I’m very concerned. Thinking of you xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Mrs Dools,

Iiam as well as Deebi and Peppy very worried about you..please can you go to the hospital? Where you will be cared for until you feel stronger......

we all love and care you dear precious friend..please try honey..💜..

Love and hugs..🤗💜

Grandy

[demonblaster]

Dear dear Doolsy 🤗 feel strength in this hug and love from the vast amount of people here and real life that love deeply care and need you.

I've repeatedly lived wicked pain that gets us to this point. It needs release hun.

Our strength comes with energy. It's still there.
Depressions drawing on it.
We can draw on that with belief and determination in thought

Tell yourself Doolsy.. yell.. scream..be very firm.. pull that power up saying ..
" I don't want to feel like this. I can and will get on top"

The depression's stopping your fight, give it a mouthful!

You've worked way way too hard in your life to give up my now my friend.

If you do the horrific pain that how many times you've risen above.. all you've achieved.. the strength you've gained whether you realise or not.. it IS still there

You're still standing...
That'd all be for nothing.
No way.. that's not you Doolsy.

There's a reason you're a survivor
Trust in your God darlin ask him to help you

You know one of the main reasons you're still here dear lady. It comes from your will to not let it take you.

I know you can't feel any hope atm because you're so incredibly overwhelmed and hurting so badly. My heart goes out to you 🤗

Breathe darlin deep & gentle ...let the pain go in exhaling.

Focus on the tension in your neck and body let it relax... often..feel the softening.. breathe again a few times

This intensity will lessen in time, that helps me in this torture which I've pulled up enough to get through. You can too hun. Backing ourselves makes it a lot easier

Darlz I've had a taste of what can be..
Trust me but moreso yourself is important
I truly believe most of us can have that.

Most people have known happy times...seriously that's just a touch of what can be unleashed

Worth It.. Oh My Goodness Doolsy believe me it's beyond what we thinks possible

What if I'm right...

Sending love power and care dear lady. Please listen to your voice of survival. You're being guided where you can get the help you need

We're with you every step 🤝 united we stand strong ⚘💗🗯

[Doolhof]

Hi dear Grandy, Deebi and Pepper,

Thank you so very much for your love, care and concern. I really appreciate it and know what you are writing is true in regards to getting through this.

I just feel like I have had too many kicks in the head lately and my resistance is low. My BPD has escalated dealing with the employment people. It has escalated unhelpful emotions and my stress levels.

I need to find ways to believe again that I can deal with this.

Going to our local hospital is a desperate choice for me, so I am surprised my husband doesn't realise just how bad I am feeling at present.

Some of the staff there yell at me, the kitchen lady thinks I can eat food with a little bit of gluten in it and doesn't seem to realise Coeliac disease means no gluten at all.

Part of me must be desperate even considering go there!

Ladies, I will be okay. I will get through this. Somehow.

My husband has mates staying here this weekend.

I have an appointment to see my Dr on Thursday.

Just want to let you know I will be okay. Just feeling horrid.

Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Doolsy ☺

You're such a good soul, thank you so much for saying you'll be ok.

You certainly have had some kicks lately including severe emotional times 🤗

Yes I can see good reasons why hospital there's not somewhere you want to be you poor love.

Hun I'm guessing your absolutely exhausted which as you'd know escalates our stress and pain.

I wish there was an easy answer to give you hope and reason.

This won't be any good for now Dools you have too much going on but when you're feeling up to it I wonder if an email to somewhere higher up I'm sorry I don't know who but someone might know to get someone helping you with this employment debacle. As mentioned why you're not on DSP is beyond me.

I was thinking this morning even if it's too hard to concentrate which I imagine it would be a look through your positive journal and maybe an entry into the negative one could help for release

I'm so sorry dear Doolsy for your incredible pain.

Hun do you think you could tell hubby what you said here that even thinking of hospital etc how bad you're feeling.

Huge hugs dear friend

You really are an amazing lady.

Love and many thoughts ⚘🌱

[Doolhof]

Hey Deebi,

Thanks. Life is a bit of a daze right now. My husband had friends here overnight last night.

I left home at 7.00 a.m. when everyone was still asleep.

Thought of doing some harmful stuff but went to a 24 hour place for coffee instead then walked around aimlessly in a park before Church.

My husband has gone out with his mates. I am cleaning up and doing all the washing.

Might try to get out into the garden. The sun is shining.

My head is really screwed up Deebi. Guess it will get better!

Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Doolsy darl and everyone ☺

I'm glad you posted you're in my thoughts. I didnt know whether to post in case you felt obliged to reply then I thought that could be a good thing too.

Hear you about your head being so svcrewed up hun 🤗 It's so hard being at this point. I assume for you it gets better between times well I really hope so, though I know you have a lot to deal with between extremes times.

I feel sad that hubbies gone out with his mates when you're in such a hard place. I remember not that long ago you opened up to how bad you felt and he was quite compassionate and tried to understand which is hard with his mh I've heard but he still loves you.

I don't know and thats up to you Doolsy how your general relationship is but I'm assuming hopefully right the loves there. You're doing not alone because you have us but you so need support from the person you live with. Wondering have you spoken at all to your sister you seem close maybe she could be there for you too.

What worries me is lovey that you're considering harming yourself. Well done you chose an alternative, not saying this at all to scare you but next thought you might find it harder to resist and from there you're going to be worse darlz.

The cook at your local hospital isnt doing her job properly maybe a word to a nice nurse saying you have to be careful etc cause of the celiac. That way the message might get through without direct confrontation which is the last thing you need atm.

Hun if I was in your situation you'd recommend hospital for me? You need self care hun this is too big to be trying to handle alone. So much going on and as you said being kicked too often. It builds hurts and eats at us doesn't it.

I can guess but out of 10 being the worst where are you Doolsy love. Want to see you give yourself the best chance you can at getting back on top. I fear you'll go down further dear friend.

Can you have a good long chat to your GP darl. If you tell them it at reception you can't wait.

Good let the sun fill you with energy and enjoy your garden hun. Was thinking of Grandys grounding last night for you maybe getting some dirt feel it run through your fingers. Look shoes off feel the grass.

You are strong enough lovely Dools and it's ok to get help 🤗

You're an amazing great lady 🍃⚘🌱