DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[demonblaster]

Hey Doolsy & all ☺

Good hearing how you're going.
Sounds like a lovely time with your sister exploring.
It's a shame seeing places out of commission esp when theres a need for accommodation in so many areas. I love older houses something about the run down wooden ones they have so much character and a feeling of history to them.

In nature there's so much variety. There's very few trees I don't get a lot of pleasure looking at esp gums. I know you like them too. a
Animal lifes great and watching them go about their lives. Eagles are in a class of their own aren't they.
Then there's water flowers plants. We certainly are incredibly lucky to live on such a beautiful planet.

I wonder if you might like to write about your lovely day Doolsy in your happy journal to call back on good memories in hard times.

So glad you have your time with the elderly they are in majority beautiful people doing it hard.

Good on you keeping in the moment which would no doubt have been quite an achievement. Uncanny being a 21st the same number as your anniversary.

I find it incredible how much power the moon and Sun have such power from immensly vast distances and affect our moods and the tides.

I hope your foots easing off and that your mobilities easier. How's your heart these days?

Doolsy do you know how to take videos/pictures on your ph or if you have an Ipad or tablet. That could be a good way in the hards to bring on nice memories. Alternatively whoever you're with might be able to do that on their device and send it to yours.

Ok good lady keep on keeping on hun you really are doing so well in such hard circumstances hope you pat yourself on the back regularly.

C u later 🤗☺⚘🌱

[quirkywords]

Dools and everyone.

Just a quick hello to say I enjoy reading the uplifting comments and even the sad comments that show such courage. It really helps me to read how Mrs Dools and others are working hard to improve their lives with such honesty.

find the posts here inspiring.

Thanks to everyone.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Dearest Mrs Dools...

I wanted to reply earlier to one of your posts but I’m sorry I just couldn’t...if it’s not too late can I also give you a very comforting and very caring hug..🤗..given from my heart..💖....

I hope your day with the beautiful elderly people went well for you..I know that they would have enjoyed your company and received some of tgat love you have in your heart...

Your weekend sounded lovely..I love that you and your sister had an enjoyable time exploring the surrounding around you...I have behind me two empty homes..although they are not abandoned, there owner come up every so often to care for the lawns..If they don’t the council rings them to do so...because of the risk of bush fires and snakes...

Picnics are fun ....I’m pleased you found a beautiful quiet place and the frogs 🐸 weebit are an added bonus....

How are you feeling precious friend?....I really do hope your feeling better then okay....

You have a beautiful time with your sister planned next month...that’s something that you can look forward to with lots of positives...

I have been listening to your posts along with your beautiful friends here who talk and encourage you with so much love and care....they always gives me inspiration to try harder then I do...

I rang my cranky neighbour last week to check on my fur babies..she told me that theirs a few eagles hanging around..she said she shooed one off my electricity box!!..around me is lots of small swallows and sparrows...I hope in a way they are still their when I get home tomorrow.Ive only every seen one and they are a magnificent bird..🦅...

Im wishing and praying that your healing journey starts to get a lot easier for you dear friend....

Sending you some love and warm hugs Mrs Dools....💜🤗.and too everyone else here as well...

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi, Quirky, Grandy and all Reading,

Deebi I know what you mean about houses being empty when so many people need a home. These houses we were looking at are old stone buildings maybe from the late 1800s or early 1900s that would need many thousands of dollars spent on them to make them habitable. Some have had their roofs removed.

I do take photos on my mobile phone and occasionally have some printed off. I try to record my happier days in my journal.

Quirky thanks for dropping in and for the encouraging comments.

Grandy thanks for your lovely comments too Grandy. Hope the eagles are still there when you return home.

To All yesterday was not a good day. I'm having some issues with physical health and finding it tiring trying to make an appointment to see a gut specialist. One Dr refused to make the referral for me!

My ankle didn't enjoy all the adventures I had with my sister, so next time I will wear my walking boots and put my brace on.

My mind was taking me to some dark places yesterday so I mindlessly watched some T.V. I didn't get out to the groups I normally attend, so will try to do so next week.

Today I am taking all my medical forms to the psychologist attached to the employment agency and will see if she can get them put on my file seeing as the staff have not done so since 2017!

Yesterday I wondered why I keep on trying! It would be so easy to just give up and do nothing! I feel like I keep getting kicked in the head by people who are supposed to be there to help me.

They are only a part of my life though aren't they! That is what I have to remind myself! I will see a different Dr and keep seeing Drs until one will write me a referral.

ARRRGH! I have deleted more negativeness here. Time to get on with my day and prepare for my appointment.

Cheers all from a mixed up Dools who can hopefully head in a positive direction for some of this day!

Cheers.

[demonblaster]

Dear Doolsy hi and to everyone ☺

You have so much stacked against you hun.
One of the many things I really like about you is you continue to seek positives. While they're in your mind beasty has no voice temporarily.

Wow! Did the doc say why no referral?
We know our bodies and they tell us if somethings not working. Good plan to keep seeing them until you get someone that will look into it thoroughly.
Maybe an option could be to land in hospital. Maybe tell them whats going on after they check you out.

No probs at all letting your negatives out Doolsy thats what here's about. Many people care about you and want to know so we can be here for you.

I get your frustration hun really I do. Try hard not to entertain giving up dear friend. When as you'd well know we start thinking in that way our minds go with it.

Somewhere sometime you'll get the help you need but if you give up then you won't have a chance of a better life and not let these cursing demons win!

Shame the foot complained. Hope the boot and brace avoid grief.

The houses sound amazing so much history there. If they're not heritage same though it'd be big $ to pull down and rebuild.

How lovely sounds like you have a good relationship with your sister. Good of you being there when she needed you.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low Doolsy how bout a get together at your place with your lovelies here for a cuppa and then we could all do a virtual trip to the beach. Nothing like good company & friends that get it. The sound of the waves seagulls drift wood beauty and a nice dose of healing sunlight soaking our skins putting light in our days. Being virtual the water will be to our individual likings and free us all of pain with it's healing magic.

🤝💗🌞💧🌈

Plenty of 🤗 care and love Doolsy 🌱⚘

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi.

Escaping to the beach, preferably one on the other side of the world sounds like a great plan right now!

My mind feels like it is going to explode.

The lady today whom I saw at the employment place said she has been asked to prove I can do the aged care placement. I was under the impression from what she originally said that she was going to listen to my side of the story and consider all the medical reports I have tried to submit to the organisation.

Came home and found out my husband has decided to change my psychologist and has booked me in for a cancelled appointment when I am supposed to be attending volunteer training next week.

I appreciate his help, but how can I be in two places at once? I missed the training last time so don't think they will be happy if I miss it again.

My tired brain can't take much more.

Dools

[demonblaster]

Ahh Doolsy 🤗 hi everyone 👋☺

Not fair you're having such a constant run of little or pfftt help. It was sounding for a short while there things were looking up lets hope it does again

I do feel for you and hear you feeling that your heads going to explode. Breathe Doolsy ..deep and often.

I wonder if there's someone higher up in the chain that you can talk to, to work on your behalf. This may not be the people that might be able to help but recently it was a dead end for me but the man was SO kind and went out of his way to give me further info. He was an advocate for mental Health. Generally what they do is step in, say if someones unfairly being kicked out etc of housing and other stuff. You've certainly been through the mill Doolsy

Ok my opinion and as I say to people you're call what you choose to do with this. I think as much as the timings not good your MH is the priority at the moment (atm).
It's a royal pain going over our stories but a positive can be with someone new is different approaches also with any luck that you're well overdue for they might be able to put the employment agency straight at least. Could have some info the previous one hasnt had.

Doolsy dear lady I really do sympathise with your frustrating battles. Please keep putting one foot in front of the other hun. You deserve a chance at peace and perseverance is needed. It's really poor form but believe in yourself Doolsy ..we certainly do. All the effort you've put in would be a complete waste of time if you give up.

Got a good comedy or magazine you could flick through look at the pictures might spark some good memories you so need a break from beasty.

I've lately been feeling similar Doolsy that I can't take much more but you know when we think that way the more we feel it. I have as I hope you can find too reserves in us. I've started trying to turn the negative energy to work for us not against.

If anyone can see their way through this absolute rot Doolsy I really do believe it's you.

Please hold on and believe that eventually a better change will happen. Surely

Always with you lovely lady. Love and care. Sending strength and light in this 🤗

⚘🕊🌱

[Doolhof]

Thanks Deebi,

I really don't feel all that safe right now.

Part of me wants to see if the Dr will put me back into hospital.

Part of me hates that plan.

My husband will be very disappointed if that is what I end up doing.

Guess I will just clean the house, cut down dead branches and find ways to try and stay sane.

I'm just about over this Deebi . I know these thoughts aren't helpful. They just won't choof off right now.

Dools

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools,

I can tell you’re struggling (very much), and I feel sad and worried that you’re feeling unsafe. But I also admire how upfront and self aware about how you’re really feeling..

I realise that you obviously care about your husband and that you don’t want to disappoint him. I know that’s a very real concern of yours, and I think you have a very beautiful and big heart to think of others despite your own struggles...

That being said though, I feel if it comes down to it, your safety comes first. I don’t know if you’re at that point yet, but I feel if you believe hospital will help then I think that should understandably take priority over what your husband will/won’t think about it...he’s important, yes, but so are you...

How was doing the gardening? Did you find that helpful?

Kindness and care,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Doolsy hi everyone ☺

Ahh Doolsy it's such hard going isn't it.
A beautiful gentle reply from Peppy.
Darls I wanted to reply earlier but couldn't though have been thinking a lot about you. Poor lady being so low. My heart goes out to you.

I think it's a good idea to listen to the part of you that's looking out for you hun especially as Peps pointed out good on you being self aware feeling not safe is a good reason let alone feeling so low.
It does get too much at times and these are the times I think our best move is to prioritise in this case yourself.

Hubby for possibly a number of reasons gets upset. I'd say one out of worry and love Doolsy. He doesnt want you feeling this way and wants you well as you do too of course.
Maybe it could help seeing this as a temporary aid with your MH.

I understand, at least have a clue or two why you don't want hospital. Wondering if it might ease your mind darl if you explore the why nots and weigh up keeping in mind this is a chance to get help you need. You're safety's paramount hun 💗

With what you're up against and I only know part of your journey you do as the psychiatrist said very well under the circumstances.

Listening to your helpful survival inner voice shows you still have reserves but as you know they're running low.

Your many friends here care very deeply about you Doolsy we want you to be safe and where you can have optimal care.

Hold in there huns we're with you every step 🤝

Love and much care 🤗as many hugs as you need for as long as you like ⚘🌿🍃