DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[startingnew]

Hello Mrs D

I hope the vicks works. Mum told me about it and now the whole family does and helps so i hope it helps you too.

Oooh yay! Congrats on passing all the modules youve done so far even if its a generic response. Keep up the great work!

Oh im glad your gp is on board and will help you with certificates etc for your work capabilities. That must be a relief for you.

Im glad they are in shadows today and leaving you alone abit more. Your sounding abit brighter which is good to read ❤

Ok that is good you have those numbers it can be really hard to pick up the phone cant it but we are all here cheering you on and supporting you

I hope today is a good one for you and theres some more of those peaceful moments. Hugs xox

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

Mental health really can be like a rollercoaster ride!

Thankfully today it has been more up than down. I attended the pain clinic and tried really hard to have a different attitude when attending, one that was more positive without being so judgemental and discrediting of the information being presented.

I caught up with a girl friend after and we always have a wonderful open conversation about what is going on in our lives.

On the way home I had to pick up an order for my husband from a business. It took three people before the order was handed over to me. A simple pick up was turning into a bit of a fiasco, so I stood there, did some deep breathing and let the three people sort out the hassle.

I was very pleased with myself and one of the guys carried the parcel out to the car for me as well which was lovely. I thanked him very much for his help.

So today was a good day!

Hope you are doing okay.

Cheers from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

I was wondering how you were feeling. I read your first post and was hoping you were feeling a little lighter.

I haven’t been here for a while so I suppose I am reaching out again to listen to others words and thoughts.

Have you ever felt that you just don’t really care about what happens to you? I feel like that. I just don’t really feel. I guess I am wondering if living is an option for me rather than just existing.

Hoping you are not in the depths of the black hole. But if you are sending you a big hug

lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi lulu,

Thanks for your hello and kind words. Sometimes I do feel like it does not take much to topple me over these days, like I have expended all of my energy and strength and there is nothing left.

My psych is telling me to accept the depression, maybe I am just not accepting it in the right manner as when I do it makes me sometimes feel defeated. Like it is here again so what is the point!

In all honesty I have not found staying alive to be so bloody hard as I do right now.

I need to go and find more acceptance, determination to change things, desire, energy, enthusiasm and strength to keep going.

Sorry to read you are doing it tough right now as well. It is difficult when we reach the point where even "feeling" seems to be beyond reach and just existing seems to be the only answer for now.

Guess we need to remind ourselves, that with some effort, some acceptance, some whatever we can get through these moments, one breathe at a time.

Our minds are very powerful. I know what will help, but having so much trouble implementing those ideas, strategies and actions that I know are beneficial.

Wishing you a brighter day lulu!

Cheers from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

Im so glad the day was better for you. Your doing alot to help yourself. Its really good to read.

Are you finding the pain clinic helpful?

Lol ive had those fiascos for deliveries too. I just stand there and wait too they soon sort thenselves out.

Hoping today was a good one for you too. Its was rather cold and windy here so was inside most of the day plus yukky headaches not dissapearing so was just home today.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way ❤

[demonblaster]

Hey dear Doolsy and other lovely people ☺

Hun thankyou for your kindness popping in to see me other day 🤗

I've been thinking a lot of you lately and want you to know I listen to you and boy do I hear you about implementing strategies I've learnt from you and other good people here. One you've mentioned that I'm slowly doing is a list or notes on the tablet so I can refer to when my heads in the darks and cant think constructively.

Also I was wondering if you might be able to through the library get some free basic computer learning courses or there's some interactive ones I think on line too.

Hey congrats on passing, wow you pushed through. What a champ. You must feel so relieved. I too am concerned about your physical health and glad your Docs on board.

I love your positive Dools you and your humour. Think you're an amazing strong lady 🌹

I'm off soon with a new group to maccas, was given a big Mac voucher which is lovely.

Birdies singing there merry melodies and the suns shining, its a beautiful day in paradise.

Hope your days are brighter good people 🤗

[Doolhof]

Hi DB SN and All,

This morning I wrote down heaps of stuff in my notebook. I was not able to stick tot he usual CBT formula as I just couldn't get my head around that. I did write out the stuff that is messing with my thoughts then wrote down what was actually true and realistic.

Our minds certainly tell us stories and create stuff don't they!

The pain clinic is going well, a physio who gave us a talk was very enlightening about pain, the mind, memories of pain and the state of life we were in when the pain first occurred in relationship to where we are at now.

I hope to explore this further.

As I still have a horrid cold I have been using a face mask while I am out. It felt a little weird having a massage with a face mask on! Saved me coughing and spreading germs around. It is nice to share...but not germs!

Hey DB, I'd love to have more time to chat with everyone on the forum, that just isn't possible. Sometimes I feel lead to post in different places. Hope you bounce back okay too!

Next week is the last week of the education part of the pain clinic. I am not really sure how the next bit works in relation to connecting with various people like a psychologist, pain doctor and physio.

I will be starting the second semester of my study as well. The employment lady seemed very surprised I didn't have any revision to do, so guess I must have gone well then! Congratulations to me!

The sun is shining here so I might spend a little time outside after I have done a little cleaning.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Definately congratulations to you.

Good sounds like you're getting something outta pain clinic.

Very true our minds certainly throw a spanner in the works. Thanks Doolsy I feel like me again now and had a big sleep sarvo too.

Care 🤗🐧

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

Well done on doing that writing activity. If you cant grasp the concept of the cbt version altering to how you understand it can be just as beneficial. Sounds like it mightve been for you.

Im glad the pain clinic is going well. I hope you can explore that topic some more. Perhaps if its not something the group wants to explore you could see about a private session if they offer that... maybe the next session will be explaining how it works for linking with people. Im sure your not the only one wondering how it works.

Hugs for your cold. I hope you start to feel better soon.

That is awesome about your studies! Congrats and i hope you continue to do well (and you get help if/when you need it!)

Hopeing todays a good one for you. Xox 💌🌻

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

Sometimes it hard to even write things out when we're struggling so hard, well done for being able to do that.

I was going to ask you about the pain clinic and if you/we can manage pain without pain relief and if it's possible,

I hope your cold is getting better, it has been a horrible year for colds this year and even the common cold seems to be lasting longer..

Congratulations on passing your assignments..I hope you do just as well in the next assignment..

I hope the rest of your weekend is good..

kind thoughts,

Grandy.. xx