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DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
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Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
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Hello Dools,
Im sorry your day started out not so good, I hope that it improves later on..
Dools, not sure what your day is like today, but mine is. Icey winds, and overcast...
I think the part of Australia I'm living is, I think the weather is feeling depression as well...no sun, no birds, looks dull the day just looks and feels sad...But maybe later today, tomorrow or the day day..the depression will leave and the day will shine and the day will be bright and happy again soon.💜
Sending you positive energy and some hugs 🤗🤗. With a special little 🌹. to pin on your dress 👗..
Care for you, Grandy..
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Hi,
I'd say fight it, Depression just allows you to hide your pain and I think everyone suffering (including me) needs that sort of healing, I just wish i had the courage to do the same, sometimes Depression just takes you completely and want to hide behind the mask just to protect yourself, I wish you luck in the future journey to come
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Hi Rubyredgirl, SN, Grandy and All,
Thanks for your messages. Yesterday was one of those days where depression was there to stay like it or not, so I tried to work through it, accept it and get on with my day no matter how dark it felt.
My day wafted around tears, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety, sadness and a whole bunch of other emotions and ridiculous bombarding thoughts that needed acknowledgement for being unhelpful so I could move on.
I cleaned the house, I washed the windows, vacuumed the car, sat out in the garden, read for a while, washed the dishes, did the ironing, watched some T.V. mindlessly and in the evening we were invited to friend's for dinner along with another couple we had never met before and had a lovely evening.
I'm thinking that deep down I was frustrated with things I have asked my husband to help me with but the jobs never seem to happen and I can't do them by myself and don't have the money to pay someone to help me.
I'm sure part of me is feeling grief as well due to Mother's Day.
This afternoon I will make time to write out how I am feeling, do some CBT and consider different options and ideas.
Next week we have a friend of my husband's staying with us and I have never met the guy before so it will be interesting getting to know him.
The course I am studying on line has indicated I have 80 hours of study to complete next week. How is that even possible?
Right. So I need to spend a little time working out how to deal with all of these issues to help manage, reduce and work through my depression and anxiety!
Cheers all from Dools
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Hi Rubyredgirl,
Thanks for your comments. The pain of depression can be exhausting, all consuming and difficult to break through sometimes.
My psychologist is trying to help me to just accept it so the sting of depression is not so intense. That works sometimes, other days it is harder to do.
Maybe there are some days when we just don't have the strength to fight depression, accepting it is easier. Or we can use the "fight" to try and make the day better. In a way it depends on how we look at the word "fight" as it can have various meanings.
Wishing you well also on your journey!
Cheers from Dools
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Hello Dools,
It seems we had the same ideas today, I done a thorough house clean as well, I needed to keep busy as my tears, and a few no healthy feelings directed at me made me keep busy today..it worked. I'm exhausted now, but okay as well..
80 hours study in a week, that's ridiculous, I think that's impossible that's 16 hours per day study to finish on Friday...impossible ..
I hope your husbands friends turn out to be okay and doesn't make to much extra work for you to do..
Accepting depression is still something I'm learning to do. Im finding it hard to do that, but am trying to.
Wishing you much light in you up coming days..xx
Grandy..
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Dear Doolsy friend and other good people 😊
Sorry to hear you're continuing to have such a rough time I've said before and mean when I say I'm in awe of how you find the positives, humour and help so many amidst many more great qualities while suffering so much mental and physical pain.It's an absolute pleasure getting to know you 🌹
I was wondering if some allowances can be made with that insane amount of study needed that's bloody ridiculous due to your physical and MH. If not I imagine there'd be a way of getting around that especially with more understanding of MH these days.
Hope you're still doing your pillates and getting benefit from, research has been same for yrs we need to keep using our poor bodies to avoid seizing up, keeping our machines oiled 😄
Hope tickers doing the right ticking and your back health and body being kind to you and that you're still pulling up in the garden before you suffer too much more. Good you have peace in gardening it's very popular. I'd like to see more raised garden beds for people with physical ailments esp back problems that last I heard about 65% of peeps have back issues and that was yrs ago, might improve in time with lifting machines in nursing (trouble is they're more time consuming but very needed esp one of the places I nursed and loved was Palliative care even then with all the gizmos still tremendously heavy lifting involved and in industrial work
Must away I'm unwell with a migraine and its now 5am woke at 3.30am.
Always want good for you Doolsy lovely 🤗
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Hi Mrs D
I really hope today is a better day for you. 80hrs is near on impossible. just do what you can manage and keep catching up as you can. youve also been at the disadantage of having little/no help and your study centre doesnt return your calls.
Hugs xox
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Hi Everyone,
So I called the Employment Lady to ask if she can call the study place to ask them to release some of the study work today so I will not be hit with impossible task on Thursday.
I explained we were going away for the weekend, that had been booked a year ago and I will not have access to the internet. She told me I can catch up when I get back, plus start the next weeks work on schedule.
Hey I will be turning into Super Woman real soon! I will be able to do a proposed 80 hours of study in two days! Oh yes! I have got this! Piece of cake! What was I stressing over?
Regarding my husband's friend. He seems nice enough. They have gone out for the day and didn't invite me to join them! Oh well. Guess I don't need to prepare them any lunch!
I've cried a bucket load of tears of frustration due to the study issue. Time to wipe my eyes and get on with my day.
Hey DB, the Dr. has asked me to keep an eye on my blood pressure as it has been a bit too high lately. I might check that later on after I have calmed down a bit!
Cheers all from Dools
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Gees Dools. They don't expect much hey?
80 hrs of study in 2 days. Hummmmf is all I can say. Then to top that off, not even asked out. You are having a day of it.
So what are the positive she asks, with tongue in cheek? Well, you may just have to fail this week's study and go out for lunch yourself with a friend (although that might be a little difficult at this late stage).
You know when I was studying, it brought out the worst in me. I was frequently stressed to the max. I was always never doing good enough - yeah, they asked me to do honours. Obviously I wasn't doing very well at all LOL. BTW asking to do honours actually means you've been performing quite well. But who was I to believe anyone else other than myself. If I told me I was doing poorly, then poorly I was doing. Getting a credit or a distinction wasn't good enough, it had to be a high distinction.
Wow, and we wonder why we have anxiety. I can laugh about it now, but back then it was horrendous.
Holding your hand Dools. I know you're not in a good space at the moment. Just trying to put a little humour in your life. Not sure I'm succeeding though.
I love your posts. So keep them coming - when you can. And for yourself at the moment. Don't worry about anyone else at the moment. Focus on you....
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Care always
PamelaR
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Hi PamelaR,
Thanks. I started this course beginning of March and have still not had anything marked. With this study, all you get is a passed or not passed result at the end plus I need to do 120 hours of practical...all in one week! Ha. Ha. At least that isn't true as far as I know!
Congratulations on receiving the marks you were able to achieve. At present I don't know if I have any expectations anymore as no one seems to give a hoot enough to mark anything!
I'm going to "chat" with a few people here on the forum, have some lunch and then go for a walk. It is a beautiful day here so I will spend some time in the garden as well.
Thanks for the cheer up, from Dools