DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi DB and All,

Hey DB regarding the pancakes, at least the pain is only temporary!

Being an OT would be lovely, these days I think you need plenty of training for that and you know how much I love study...NOT! Ha. Ha. At one stage people were called "Life Style Coaches" as well, I don't know if that is still a term that is used.

I'm hoping the Employment lady will help me find something suitable. The study seems to incorporate doing evaluations on people as well to aid them in gaining the appropriate services. Doing that kind of work would certainly be okay for my back. I need to look into what might be available.

The Pilates class will be interesting. Hopefully my fibromyalgia won't play up on my muscles and joints too much and I will be able to participate in all the exercises. At least the class is being run by a physio so she will be able to help me do things correctly.

Do you remember the fitness fashions of the 80's! Those really bright tights or leggings with your underwear on the outside! Ha. Ha. I don't think I will going dressed like that tonight.

Thanks for the chirpy post DB!

Cheers all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Sounds promising having a physio with the pilates yikes fibromyalgias a hard one have some family members with it poor things all of you, hope you manage ok remember just what you can manage don't overdo it lovey.

Haha yeah no thrill the pancakes are they lol

Yes that'd be good if you can get something not affecting your back. When you're frustrated with study maybe as well as breathing you could walk away for a few minutes to settle then go back. Good on you having a go

Hope your days good ☺

I've got bits on most of the wk so that'll keep me outta trouble hopefully 😊

Best always wished for you 🤗

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

Regarding the self harming, guess you have a few options, allow the Dr to ask that question while your Mum is present so she knows all that is going with you, she may freak, but may then want to try to help you and be understanding and supportive.

You could hand the Dr a note when you first walk in, explaining that you self harm, but don't want your Mum to know. You could ask your Mum to leave the room so you can talk to the Dr about this between the two of you maybe towards the end of the appointment.

Regarding the hair in the ear, I'm not really sure about that, as you have been doing it since you were small, I guess it has just become a habit. For some reason you may have found it to be a very soothing activity to do and you just keep doing it.

Maybe you could try rubbing the hair on your neck and not in your ear!

People do all kinds of different things to sooth themselves. Hopefully you can come up with something that still helps and doesn't upset your parents! You could be doing a lot worse!

Hope your day is going okay. I am keeping myself busy, have also been for a walk and done some stretches, now to make lunch and do a mountain of ironing! Than off for a lovely Mammogram! That will be a bit of fun! Not! Ha. Ha.

Cheers for now Chloe, from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

i really hope you can find something that works for you with your studies and your employment lady. all the best with those. it sounds incredibly frsutrating.

pilates sounds good and with a physio too. i hope your aches and pains stay away so you can give it ago.

hugs xoxox

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools

So basically dr and mum discussed who would be the right psych to send me too. Then mum left and me and the dr talked about what's been going on. So I mentioned self harm, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, feeling numb, constant anxiety etc.

he gave me a mental health plan and in the diagnosis bit he wrote anxiety and depression, but the psych will make a 'proper' diagnosis when I see her.

Quite happy with the appt, mum is making an appt with the psych soon.

Have a good day and thank you for your concern 💖

Chloe

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

I will keep plodding on with the study. I will chat to the psyche about it today and the Employment lady on Thursday. The course people did not phone back yesterday. I could have called them again, but have found in the past they just have a recorded message and don't call back so felt self defeated and didn't bother.

The Pilates class went well. It was a group of 6 so the physio had amble opportunity to come around and check we were all doing the exercises correctly. I need to work on my balance, I will try a few stretches at home and see how that goes.

I'm planning on cleaning up a bit in the garden today. We have friends staying next week, so will be nice to have the garden looking a little nicer. Looks like pleasant weather out there as well.

Hope you have a good day, cheers All from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

i hope someone can help you out. its not very fair on you that no one seems to be returning your calls.

good luck with your psych appt today. some self care might be good after that.

im glad pilates went well too, a small group can be good as they can help you a little more and make it abit personalised. did the physio give you some exercises to try at home?

spending some time out in the garden sounds great esp if the weather is nice too.

have a good (if not better day) xox

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

Sounds like the Drs appointment went well. I like the way your Mum gave you some space and the Dr gave you an opportunity to talk openly. That is an excellent outcome!

Hopefully you will have an appointment made soon. You can also ask to be put on a list if there is a cancelation, that happens sometimes.

When you find information that is helpful to you, you might like to share that with your Mum so she knows more of what is happening for you.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder as does a niece. I was able to share a book with my sister on BPD and she was better able to understand her daughter. Experiencing an illness, we have an idea what it is like even though it can confuse us, so I try to imagine what it is like for someone who doesn't suffer from it at all.

Hope you have a good day! I've been doing some stretches and am about to head out into the garden then have my psych appointment this afternoon.

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Good Morning Everyone,

Not having such a fun start to the day so need to remind myself that I have a choice to allow myself to take on my depression or I can accept it for what it is and try to make the most of today regardless of feeling lousy!

Hope you are all able to find ways to accept your depression and mental health issues when they are present and to find ways to work through your day!

Cheers all from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

I hope you can find ways to improve your day.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way xoxo