DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[startingnew]

Morning Mrs D

im glad you stayed at the pain clinic, pity about the small amount but sometimes smaller is abit better. i hope as time goes on youll be able to learn more things and maybe share some of your own frustrations with the group, im sure many would be able to relate to you and share some tips as well...

its frustrating when pain gets in the way of things and you find yourself having to rest rather then being outside in the garden etc. do you find concentrating on your study helpful when in pain, that can be hard to do to though.

i love the rain too, makes everything look pretty when the sun comes out. its a lovely day here, warm but not hot and clear skies.

hmmm your course superviser seems to be rather slack i must say, are you able to contact someone else for help and enquires at all? maybe try calling them a few times in one day, surley they are able to answer or at least return your calll.

theres a thread here called 'Eep when studying is overwhelming- Tips, Tricks....(um ive forgotten the rest of title) but that might help you with some study tips and your anxiety? remember though to take a few deep breathes, helps clear the mind abit.

hope you have a good (if not better) day 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

I will see if I can find that thread you mentioned as I am really disliking study, it makes my anxiety increase and I become really depressed and angry as well.

I do realise part of my issue is that computers frustrate me incredibly as I just don't understand how to use them adequately. The course I am doing is all online. I forget how to open new tabs and loose the work I was already doing.

There is supposed to be a HELP mechanism that will connect me via email (or something), but when I go to find that, I can never get the choices that provides me to line up with the work I am actually trying to do. It is a bit like when you make a phone call and you have to push 1,2, 3 6 or what ever, only nothing seems to coincide with what I am working on.

I have tried to discuss this with the employment lady who organised this course...only for the last 4 appointments booked with her she has not been available and I have had to relay this information onto other people in the office. Still waiting for a call back from 2 weeks ago from the employment lady.

I'm getting frustrated by the whole process! Does not help my depression or anxiety and I need to work on my anger management skills! When I am studying they are non existent! I am like a lion with a sore tooth! The study does not finish until October!

Maybe I will chat to the psych about this next week.

Cheers SN and All from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

often in libraries they have computer classes- do you think that might be a good option? or do you have someone tech savy that could teach you the basic so your not so frustrated?

maybe dont use the HELP function, just email the tafe/uni/other itself and ask for help that way and explain youve tried to contact them several times but no responses.

is there anyone around you that could help you with the work? someone doing the course or has done the course- often you can find tutors through facebook/study support groups.

it sounds rather frustrating and much harder than it ought to be so i hope your able to work something out and quickly. if only you could share abit more here re study- maybe someone would be able to help you that way..

i hope todays been ok for you

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

Thanks for all your advice, the course I am doing does not have an email, only the online HELP or phone line. I really need to work on my coping skills when it comes to the study and computers. I have done a few courses, my brain just does not retain the information I have learnt.

I look at the notes and training manuals and my mind shuts down. Nothing seems to click so then I go into panic mode. It is like being allergic to computers or something! This old dog has trouble learning new tricks! Ha. Ha. I keep forgetting what I have learnt. I read it then my mind goes blank.

Yesterday I ended up going for a walk, did some washing, washed the windows, swept and cleaned up the front porch than read a book for quite a while.

I am supposed to be having an appointment with the Employment lady this week, I will see if she can help me find a better way to contact the course group. If she is not there I will have to get one of the other staff to help me.

Maybe it is also just another case of feeling like I am banging my head against a brick wall and am not getting anywhere trying to receive help and assistance!

I should be thankful I have the opportunity to do some study and the Government is paying for it...but right now I am not. It frustrates the heck out of me. Hubby could help and does quite often, but like he says, it is not his responsibility. When I am angry and frustrated I am not a nice person to be around either! Ha. Ha.

Thanks SN. We don't have any kids to ask for help with computer stuff either.

Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Always listening Doolsy

Sounds frustrating, they should be accessible for you.

When you go into panic mode Doolsy try nice slow deep breathing in and out and focus on relaxing, it puts walls up when we go there and to learn they need to be down. You can do this Doolsy I have faith in you.

Pulled a heart string when you said sometimes your whole body aches so badly you poor thing and yet you persevere

Inspiration to many

Hope your days better 🤗

hi to everyone too ☺

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

I am sitting on my front verandah enjoying the warmth of the sun warming my tired body.... I'm just sitting here, Ive read your post and you sound so disheartened with yourself. Please dont, you might not know computers now, but in time you will.

Dools, I'm watching some hornets, they are flying around and landing on my frangipani tree, maybe there building a nest ..but no matter what they are doing they are doing it happily.

There is this fly..it's really annoying me..it keeps landing on me, then I'll wiggle my toes to make it move, next it lands on my shin. I move my leg to make it move..lol I'm to much enjoying the sun to move, the little fly continues to land on me..Geez it just keeps doing the same thing lands on me I move to move it off me...This little fly doesn't give up and move elsewhere, This little fly is just so persistent just constantly landing on my toes or shin.

Do yo think the fly knows it won't win? Why doesn't it give up on me and land on my dogs ?. Do you think that their might be something on my toe that it wants really badly? im not sure but this time I let it stay there....It's just sitting there...oh my goodness Ouchy..it bit me....then it flew away..it's been 5 minutes since it bit me...it hasn't come back..geez..the itch... that tiny little fly..was really persistent it kept at it and at it until finally he got its reward...lol me.

Dools I think we should be like the fly, we just keep at it, keep learning and reading and in the end we should get our rewards..which is the knowledge we learned in the end by being like that little fly and so persistent.

Im rambling I know, but the fly did just bite me..and it took a couple of minutes to read about my fly bite, which is 2 minutes rest from depressive thoughts.

Breathe,in....out....breathe...in.....out...counting...rest...relax take time to sit and wonder about nature, watch the little insects busily getting ready for winter..The little birds..bathing and drinking from the birdbath...I often wonder do wild animals or insects suffer from depression..I know dogs and cats do..have they picked depression up from us.

Nature is a gift to us.. to me Nature is beautiful so..let's enjoy the amazing gift of nature and ground ourself with it by sitting outside and watching, feeling, listening, smelling while drinking a beverage that you enjoy. The perfect grounding tool.

Take care of yourself Dools, look after yourself...that goes for everyone.. hugs for who wants 🤗🤗🤗

Grandy x..

[startingnew]

HI Mrs D


oh that is strange, all tafes etc should have an email so im not sure why thats not the same for yours.
Are you the note taking type of person? I find summarising things into dot points helpful and also palm card quizzes- e.g question on the front- answer on the back. Having different ways to to study can help keep us motivated too, rather than just reading the material.
I hope you can find something that works for you soon, it might help ease that frustration.


Yesterday sounds like a productive day. What book are you reading atm?


The frustration of finding and getting the right assitance can be horrid and so draining! I really bloody hope someone helps you soon with your coursework and employment things. Are you able to request a new employment worker at all?


You dont need to have kids to ask for help, another family member might do or perhaps enquire at your local library or community centre to see if they offer some lessons- often they are free or rather cheap too.


I hope todays been a good day for you. We have had some loveley weather here but have been busy cleaning up inside to help mum with a function shes holding at her house tonight but might go for a walk this arvo.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lovely Ladies and All Reading,

This morning I attended Church and that went well. Occasionally I do the Notices in Church. After the service, one man came up and told me I had made too many jokes while reading the notices. If you can't be happy in a Church and have some joy, why bother going!

My husband's parents came and joined us for lunch. It is my Father in Laws Birthday. We gave him one of my crotched blankets. He said he liked it and asked if ZI would mind if his cat slept on it with him. I told him that would be lovely if the cat curled up on his lap.

The book I am reading is a novel based in a small country town in W.A. Makes a change from self help books.

Yes, I do make copious notes when I am studying. The course I am doing is with a group other than TAFE. I'm not sure if I should mention them. I am half feeling like they are Big Brother in a way as the Employment lady has access to everything I send in.

Due to the way it is set up, apparently any future employer also has access to everything I write and communicate with the organisation. As part of the course I am to do 120 hours of work experience as well, so the place that accepts me can read every word I have written if they so desire.

I'm not sure what the weather is doing here tomorrow, if it is sunny I will spend a little time in the garden. I hope to do some house work and have one of those lovely mammograms booked for the afternoon. Pancakes anyone?

In the evening I am going to attend a Pilates class for beginners that the physio runs in a town close to us. So a full day of different activities to keep me busy!

Thanks DB, Grandy and SN.

Cheers all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Pleasure being in your company Doolsy

Some people need to complain dah hard to win sometimes

😂 😂 😂 Pancakes anyone oh that got me you're a classic

I've heard good things about pilates hope you enjoy that Doolsy, just go at your own pace.

Was wondering if it might be easier physically for you to be an OT assistant to elderly Doolsy. I think OT does a lot different now but they use to do light excercises, games, music etc

Take good care huns ☺🤗

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

yes my mum is coming with me, what do I do if the doctor asks about self harm, my mum can't know about that.

it really depends on how im feeling as to how I wear my hair. It's long enough to braid but whenever I braid it, it is time consuming and my inner critic always tells me how bad it is even though they are neat. It's a bit exhausting. I usually just tie it up in a ponytail but I like wearing it out as I can play with it while I write, it calms me down.

This might sound weird but I always have the urge to grab a chunk of hair and twirl it around my fingers, then I stick it in my ear. I've been doing it since I was 2, my parents have always told me to stop but I can't. Do you have any idea why I do this?

Have a good day

Chloe 😄