DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

Welcome back, It sounds like you had quite a fight with your depression at times, but you came out in front. Well done..I'm also proud of you for sticking it out and using some coping tool to distract your depression by being active..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy....Karen

[Doolhof]

Hi Karen,

Hope you are doing okay! One thing I practiced while away was not taking on other people's issues and letting things slide more instead of taking it all to heart.

Having thought about possible coping strategies before I left helped me deal with issues that did surface.

I can't change my family history, I can change how I choose to remember it and how I decide to react to what happens now.

Focusing on the negative seems so "easy", trying to focus on the helpful and positive can be a little harder.

I have a choice, think about the not so pleasant stuff that happened, or highlight the positives!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Dools I like the idea you used- not taking on anyone's problems while you were away. That would have helped you focus on your own, and getting through the visit.

you're right, you can't change the past (which is why I have to stop dwelling on it), but the future is unwritten. Anything could happen. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

so welcome back! Have a peaceful night x

chloe 🤗

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe and All,

Thanks Chloe. I was exhausted yesterday afternoon for some reason and my back was aching from the three different beds I slept in while away, and possibly from trekking up and down hills. A little pain now is worth it, as I know with a few exercises, heat packs and stretching, being back in my own bed, it will all settle down again soon.

Yesterday afternoon I had the bedroom window open, the cat on the bed and read for a while then did a lot of snoozing. Today I will achieve a few jobs that need doing and hope to spend some time in the garden.

I have another self help book which was sent to me by a mental health centre so will start to read that this afternoon and see what ideas I can put into practice.

Cheers to you and all, from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

I hope you achieve all you set out to do today.

I can relate to different beds causing your back to ache, there really isn't anything like our own bed with all the crevices and bumps we put in them.

Its a beautiful day where I am today, I'm really hoping it is there for you as well and you enjoy your gardening..

I have just started preparing my compost heap for veggies next year. A few years ago I tried to grow carrots, Hahaha the shapes they turned out to be, were so funny, I wonder how you get them to grow straight instead of all twisted up like weird shaped little monsters..

Enjoy your day Dools, and be gentle on your back..

Does kitty help you in the garden?

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy and All,

My plans changed a little yesterday. I did manage to clean up the patio area, vacuumed the house and did the ironing. I had a lovely walk as well. After all of that my back needed a rest.

I went out into the garden to read a book on mental health, had only sat for a minute and the neighbour revved up his chainsaw. Back inside I went.

Regarding those carrots, I had the same problem once as the soil was just far too hard and compact. The carrots didn't have the strength to grow properly. My parents have sandy soil, their carrots grow huge!

I would love to have the cat in the garden with us. My husband is very protective of her and likes her to be an indoor cat. That is best for the wild life as well. She does get to sit in the patio area which we have enclosed.

I sometimes let her out for a walk in the garden and just watch her. The darn fat thing can run fast when she wants to though! Ha. Ha. If anything spooks her, she runs to the door and wants to get back inside.

Today I have a Drs appointment for my back, the Op Shop, a visit to the Employment lady and then some study in the evening once my husband has gone to work. The day will be full!

Hope you all have a good day and that you find ways to deal with your mental health issues effectively!

Cheers all from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

oh Dool when I was reading about your adorable cat, I got a picture of Garfield in my mind..lol I'm sorry, but you made me lol..

My little dogs are small for Maltese as they have Yorkshire terrier in them..When anyone walks past my front yard, which is rare they will bark so much..lol but if anyone attempts to enter my front gate they scoot of as quickly as they can under the house with there heads sticking out, just giving them the eye...

Im pleased I'm not the only one who grew little monster carrots, now I know why, maybe my compost, grass cutting garden will be softer, I'll try again this spring..

You sound like your day today will be very busy, that's good Dools, it will keep the negative thought away...(I hope). I hope your day is a fairly good day today and you have some interesting people call into the op shop..

Kind and peaceful thoughts,

Grandy

[demonblaster]

Heya Doolsy and other lovelies

Bear with me Doolsy lol even when your struggling it's a pleasure to read your posts 😂 because now here's the point you never fail to put positives in. You too amongst many I'm learning so much from and I sincerely thank you as well 🤗

I know you were remembering to do your back excercises but a reminder if you need it ☺

How's your heart health going?

Well done keeping so active you certainly don't let M/physical health hold you back, impressive. Trooper true to the word.

I've been reading and I think caught up mostly but will if not later.

Although it sounded like it had it's moments I'm glad your trip to your parents gave you some nice walks. Talking of one of the things you've made me more aware of as well as in Shellys walking shoes thread that I love hearing yours and the others descriptive walks has made me take more notice of surroundings, I use to look and love it but taking in more detail that's a positive for good memories and mindfulness. Memory allowing of course but that too with practice hopefully.

I'll have a go on Shells thread sometime, won't be up to you guys standards but I won't get good at it without practice.

Hope your days good everyone 🕊 Grandy I've stolen your gorgeous peace dove 😚 oh and loved your carrots 😅 sorry

[Chloe_M]

I Agree with DB about Dools' posts... Even when she is at her worst, she manages to include positives and funny jokes and very imaginative phrases!

a pleasure to have on here x that goes for all of you

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy and All,

Our cat is not quite as fat as Garfield...yet! As we don't let her run free in the garden to chase birds, I guess she doesn't get as much exercise as she requires. We have tried all kinds of toys with her. Usually she just turns her back on us and looks elsewhere, even when we roll the table tennis balls past her, she ignores them.

She will lay on her back, lick one paw once, then just relax in that position and fall asleep! It is like okay, I made a start, that will do. I love the story about your dogs running away if someone comes into the yard.

I had a Drs appointment before I went to the Op Shop at 9.00 a.m. After waiting 3/4 hour I was ready to walk out, but managed to stay there. Seems the back just keeps on detreating adding more pinched nerves doing all kinds of wonderful and weird things to my legs!

DeeBe the old ticker was doing its tricks again and my heart rate was up there pretty high. The Dr just suggested I had it checked later in the day. While I was at the Op Shop I felt like I was going to pass pout a couple of times.

People next door were doing a first aid course, so I thought if I did pass out, I would have plenty of people there to assist me. I didn't end up passing out so guess the old ticker will keep going for another day or two!

Hey DeeBe don't think you have to meet anyone's standards here! I love the way you communicate, you don't need to change a thing!

Apart from feeling like I was going to pass out, I did enjoy my time in the Op Shop today. We were really busy and seemed to have a lot of people from many different nationalities pop in, it was like a mini United Nations today! I loved chatting to a lot of the customers.

Had a bit of an attack of the blues and a stress out time trying to do some of my study after dinner. Tried to tell myself I am very fortunate I have the opportunity to study. Tried to think positive thoughts and reaffirm I was doing something good for myself and my work prospects. Tried to accept my depressive thoughts and kept plodding on.

Thanks for the reminder about the back exercises DeeBe I will do those after I have washed the dishes.

Cheers everyone, from Dools