DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

Thanks. I am going to try to make peace with stuff from the past and what ever happens while I am there.

In some ways it would be nice if my parents lived closer and in a different house. I think I would see them more often! If they lived even a 4 hour drive away, I could spend time with them in one day, or even stay the night now and then, and drive home the next day.

Either way, I am going , I will try and make the most of it, will practice forgiveness for myself and for issues from decades ago and find ways to feel gratitude and acceptance.

The Feral Cat, The Black Dog and The Obnoxious Ghosts! Sounds like a funny title for a book!

Cheers from Dools

Hey, hope you are doing okay Chloe!

[Chloe_M]

Hey Dools,

thats good that you are going. I always try and make the most of everything, I'm glad to see that you are going to try and do that too!

haha yes, those creatures would make an interesting book!

im alright, we just got my nan and her dog from her house as the area is being evacuated because of the fire. She'll be with us for a few days. I am still worried for everyone who chose to stay and protect their houses, but nothing that happens is under my control.

i have been only a bit anxious today, and have been pretty productive. I organised a meeting tomorrow for my history project and tidied up the marking criteria. I also face timed my friend who is currently in NY, she asked me for details for the history project (as her and another member are in NY for our schools performing arts tour, I would have hone but I wasn't allowed 🙁).

Im looking forward to seeing the guys tomorrow, I'll be seeing my best friend, which is good because I could really do with a hug, and he gives the best ones lol.

hope you are feeling okay, try and make the most of this visit, you never know what might happen!

hugs to you from Chloe 🙂

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

Im just popping in to wish you a safe trip and hope you have a good time with your parents..I liked it when I read that you will be trying to find positives.. Dools I really hope that good positives comes from your visit..

Chloe,..I'm really happy you got your nan and her dog away safely from the fire..How lovely that you will have your nan staying with you for a few day.. please enjoy your time with your nan...

Wishing you all peace🕊.

Grandy..

[Chloe_M]

Hey Grandy,

I am very relived that nana is with us now... Her and Toby (her dog) are staying with us until it is safe for residents to move back in. In the meantime I wil enjoy my time with them and try not worry about any people staying to protect their homes From the embers.

Peace to you as well ✌️🕊

Chloe 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

Last night I saw the fires on the news, had not seen the news in weeks! I too hope that people stay safe, and also hope all is well for your Nana's home and those who live close to her.

Hopefully you enjoy having Nana with you and her dog as well. We didn't see our Nana very much growing up as she lived so far away. I remember as a young adult visiting her in a home for the Aged. I don't think she had any idea who I was, but we had a lovely chat together anyway, that was the main thing.

I really do hope everyone keeps safe in the fires and you Nana will enjoy her time with you and the family and not feel too stressed by the fires.

Cheers to you, from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

yes the fires are pretty bad, the whole fam watched it too last night I believe it is still out of control however my nan maybe allowed to go back today but we are not sure yet. I am less stressed about the fires and more stressed about seeing my friends for our project today I am really anxious, that darn black dog is playing tricks again.

oh well

Hope you have a wonderful day, lucky you being a long way away from the fires, it's supposed to be a nice day today in Sydney but it's super windy and if the wind changed direction then we'd be chocking on ash and smoke again 😞

chloe

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

I hope all goes well with catching up with your friends and working on your project! All the best with that! Do your friends know you are struggling with your mental health?

Are they able to help you at all? If you were to tell them you are not feeling so great and could do with a High 5, would knowing they care even a little help you?

Regarding the fires, we have been in our little town for 5 years now. In 3 different summers fires have come with in a kilometre of the township. S.A. had some awful fires just recently. Guess this is the kind of country we live in!

Hopefully the Sydney fires will be under control soon.

Really hope today works out okay for you Chloe!

Cheers from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

This morning was ok. we got a lot done- we started writing our song (stupid history project requires a song!). Of the people I saw today, only my best friend knows. The other 2 suspect but they don't take anything seriously and i dont want to tell them. Not yet.

After me and my best friend walked around for a bit and at the end he hugged me and told me that he'll be there for me and not to worry about what the other 2 think. I'm very lucky to have him. I felt a bit better but am still quite depressed. I watched The Voice just before and that made me feel a bit better. I was singing just before but all i could sing were sad songs 😞 oh well hope you are feeling better than i am.

I believe that the fires are under control know, my Nana went back this morning and is staying there now.

Thanks for the support,

Chloe

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools , Chloe,

Dools I hope you enjoy time with your family and make some good memories..I hope your trip as well gives you some nice scenery to look at. Maybe some nice walks as well in a different area. I really hope you do enjoy yourself..

Chloe..hugs are special aren't they..I haven't had a hug in t/l for so long..a hug makes you feel special..I think composing your own song is a great way for some distraction from your depression. I know you will do good..maybe when your finished it and only if you feel like it maybe you can share it here...

Im so pleased to hear the fires are now under control..

Kind thoughts,

Karen..

[Chloe_M]

Hugs are special, especially tight ones that make you feel like the person hugging you never wants to let you go. I'm going to try and see if I can get him to meet me at the shops tomorrow I really need to talk to someone face to face that I know will listen and not judge (and give me hugs lol).

Depression todsy is one of the worst days I've had... Feeling very sad and suicidal. Even though I had a good laugh this morning I am still very bad today... Dumb dog and cat getting the better of me again. I just want to go to sleep but I won't be able too .

Hope you all had lovely days, it might cheer me up to hear that you guys did

chloe x