DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hey Paul, Mate,

HI. Please know I have not taken any offense to anything you have ever written and shared with me. Right now there are moments when I don't know how to look after myself and any help is more than greatly appreciated!

I really like your idea of cuddling the black dog, makes a lot of sense to me, just a difficult thing to do when you are so darn sick of it.

The written word can so easily be misunderstood as well, so if for some reason you have felt like I was annoyed in any way with you, it is not the case! I look forward to reading your comments and greatly appreciate your support!

At present I have 3 medical people suggest I take different medications. Mmmmm. Which one to choose! Are any of them chocolate coated? The4y might be the ones I go for!

I'm also visiting my parents for a few days next week so will not start any of the medication until I return. If I have an adverse reaction, as I seem to do unfortunately with many types of medication, I don't want that hassle while with my parents.

Hey Paul, once again any advice is greatly appreciated! Kind thoughts are precious too! All is cool with you! I'm going through a rough patch that is a little difficult to cope with now and then!

Hugs to you mate, and hoping you are travelling okay yourself!

Cheers from Dools xxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe, Pammy, DB, Paul and All reading,

Thanks so much for all your comments. Yes, I do try to throw in a little humour, it certainly helps me get through. I was talking to one of the ladies at the Op Shop yesterday, she is open to chatting about my depression. I told her one of the medications the Dr had prescribed me could have me sitting in the corner staring at the wall and drooling! We both had a good laugh over that image.

Yer. The feral cat! I feel a bit like that with trying to cope with my depression some days! Even trying to get our cat into the cat box so she can go to the vet is bad enough! I had that darn box hanging upside down one day at the vet and the cat was still lodged in there!

I definitely prefer Paul's image of cuddling the black dog or the feral cat and having a bunch of butterflies flying around instead of a swarm of bees.

I'm off to another Drs. appointment then hubby and I are going shopping for a few essentials in the city. Stuff that costs a fortune here!

Thanks for all your kindness and sharing. Will try to respond more personally next time!

Cheers all from Dools.

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

That lady at the Op Shop sounds lovely! Its great that you have people that you can openly talk to. It certainly helps.

I try to think of my depression as a feral cat and my anxiety as a vicious dog. LOL.

How's everyone feeling today? My cat is still sleeping but my dog is awake and I can feel it breathing down my neck 😞

Chloe

[PamelaR]

Hello Dools (wave to everyone else)

Please don't every lose your sense of humour. It's wonderful. I'm glad to hear the Op Shop worker is open to discussion depression with you - and having a laugh. How good is that. BTW did you find the chocolate coated medication?

LOL, yet again Dools, I have images of your cat hanging upside down in the cat cage. That is so funny.

Are you looking forward to visiting your parents?

Hey Chloe, will catch you up on your thread sometime tonight.

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe, PamelaR and All,

It does seem to help me a little to see my depression and anxiety as dogs and cats! My mind is quite visual at times. Chloe, hope you are able to calm that dog down a little. Maybe go and find some dog biscuits and treats for it. That way it may settle down and be less disturbed!

Regarding visiting my parents, I am trying to be positive about it! They still live in the family home. Due to Mum's mental health issues it was not a happy place as a child and I spent as much time out of the house as I could including moonlit walks along the beach when I was just a kid.

They are my parents, I love them in my own way and I know they love me too in their own way! They are welcoming me into their home so that is something.

I will take some crocheting with me and my notebook to write down all the things I am grateful for while I am there.

I do realise that it all depends on how I interpret things and how my mindset is, so if I am positive about it now and aim to look for all the good things, it will be a lovely time! If some unpleasantness come up I will remind myself it is only temporary and I will cope.

Cheers all from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

Once again, your imaginative mind makes me laugh. I will go get some dog biscuits! And maybe something for the cat too, she was bothering me this morning.

Great to see that you are going to your parents' house. Maybe if you start visiting more frequently you could associate the house with happy memories made from now on.

thinking of you,

Chloe

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools, and everyone else.

The upside down cat Dools that got me laughing when I read it I could see the cat hanging upside down, kind of reminded me Tom from Tom and Jerry...

You have such a great way of describing thing, and that usually puts a smile on my dial..thank you,

I hope your visit to your parents is a happy one.. and you enjoy yourself and have some happy times and memories..

Wishing you all peace,🕊

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe,

It is a bit of a journey to get to my parents. It involves a flight or a boat trip. So I can't just drive there for the day...or escape when I want to or need to.

I fled that area when I was a kid of 17 as I hated it and struggle each time I return.

Maybe this trip is time to get rid of some ghosts from the past!

I'm going to be taking along plenty of snacks and chill pills for the cat, the dog and myself! Ha. Ha. Hopefully I won't need them!

I try to make new happy memories each time I go there, just find it so hard to do so with all those ghosts about the place. They all seem so grumpy and horrid. Maybe they need some chill pills as well!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hey Grandy,

Thanks. I am going to try to make the most of it. I'm catching up with a sibling as well whom I haven't seen for ages either. Been quite a while since I felt comfortable in their home. The last visit had not gone so well.

That sibling actually has a dog that doesn't seem to like me at all! It kept wrapping its jaws around my ankle, good thing I had jeans on! I had to call my sibling to come and get the dog off me so I could go to the bathroom. Not a great deal of space in toilet room. I didn't want to bang the dog's head against the wall!

Had a bit of a fight here this morning with the Black Dog. It was putting very dark thoughts in my mind. Thankfully I was able to confuse it when I started to do my study. I have trouble concentrating on two things at the same time! Thankfully the study took over.

Tom and Jerry cartoons, I remember those. I like Top Cat as well and Sylvester and Tweety!

Cheers for now from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

maybe you could leave your cat and Dog with those ghosts! They could make friends and take loads of chill pills!

thats a little inconvenient that they live so far away, but it is kind of lucky to in the sense that you don't feel obliged to go there all the time.

Maybe this time is the time where it all changes. Fingers crossed, and my thoughts are with you!

Chloe 😄