DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[PamelaR]

Fantastic Dools. What a great day! You've achieved lots and had lots of chocolate biscuits too (LOL).

Other than your crochet blanket, what sort of craft things do you make?

Hmmm, not so sure about cuddling the black dog. Not a doggie person really. Give me cats any day. I still have this persistent, nagging need to get it off my back. But am trying to do as Paul suggested.

Hard work as you say, but all good in the end.

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe, Karen, Pamela and Everyone,

Thank you once again for your delightful messages and encouragement. Hopefully other people reading this thread may feel welcome to add their own comments, or just continue to read on.

Last night I put on a Dance exercise DVD I had not watched before. My goodness me! Once again I could not tell my right from my left and had no idea what my arms were supposed to be doing, let alone which direction my feet were meant to go.

It was hilarious! At least I was moving! Than the lady on the DVD said she was going to speed it up a little! I thought she was going really fast in the first place. I looked for my Yoga DVD but couldn't find that safe place I had put it.

While at the craft group yesterday, there were some books and magazines the library had donated to the group and were all free. I picked up a couple of quilting and patchwork books, another craft I enjoy but have not done for ages. Need to go and find "Motivation" hopefully the books will help!

Today I am planning to leave an hour earlier for the Op Shop so I can go for a walk in that town in a pretty park, so won't be on the forum for long.

Later on I have an appointment with my Employment Lady and tonight I will need to do some study.

I will try to find ways to relax myself while I am studying as I am not enjoying it much at all. I will take a break each hour, have a little wander around outside, look at the stars and then come back in feeling a little refreshed.

Pamela, we have only ever had pet cats, I would love to have a dog actually, my husband dislikes them with a passion though. When I think of cuddling the "black dog", I certainly don't have a vision of a snarling German Shepherd in mind! Ha. Ha. Even though that is how depression feels sometimes!

Right, time to have breakfast, prepare my lunch to take, get my sandshoes and make sure I have plenty of time for that walk this morning!

Wishing you all a day where you manage to find ways to overcome your depression, fighting it, embracing or cuddling it!

Cheers all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hey Doolsy and all

Finally got here, I've read bits back to my last but intend to catch up

So LOL acceptance 😄 ...sorry it's not funny, well it is from my perspective because my heads like concrete sometimes, I just can't accept (cuse the pun) because... please go for it and keep doing what you good people do talking about stuff which is awesome forlearning. Sorry I know I deviated and am again, I am stubborn as but this isn't being I just simply can't understand it because...acceptance to me means you take it or embrace or willingly accept something. When I say fight I'm meaning I'm not going to let it beat me anymore, it's a bully. I don't doubt yous are on the right track and there's books Claire Weeks Blondy Paul 🙂 A psych had rope him holding and me pulling and the resitance, yeah I see and mostly hear that BUT lol god I've put so much thought into this for mths when I see it around anyway so fightings worked for me by hard talking beasty some were a full on anxiety or one was about to explode and one of those really deep downs talked it away never have I been able to do that before, it was amidst a down I was holding at bay. Also a few other times hard talk worked, kicks in the logical part of the mind

Maybe I'm saying fight and it should be challenge or question I've heard they're good words btw and I've learnt stuff too from what you good people have been saying, Quirky once said to Grandy she was glad she didn't get angry because now my minds blocked but I could see that and it'll come back. There's other things too I've learnt, so is it meaning to take it calmly as opposed to fighting which pumps us up and creates walls which I can see that one. That was the drift dear Quirky said.
I accept as in ok I'm in depression just can't let it be or relax

The depths BP goes like many know or for other reasons sadly is rock bottom (better lately, last night rough) I'm terrified seriously of going back there, this is hard enough, before I started learning more here but was here learning other things I"d started making small progress.

Ok was going to bed which I so badly need but durries are winning that battle so on my walks I've been Doolsy Pammy Shelly and others looking around which I do but tuning in more to nature from your excellent nature descriptions

thank you guys for your gentle patience, yous help many. Everyone does 🙂

[PamelaR]

LOL Dools, a snarling German Shepherd doesn't do much for me. Starting New suggested substituting a dog for a cat. Now I can live with that and in fact it makes life so much easier for me.

Cuddling my cat - yes. BTW my cats can be vicious at times (infrequently), it takes a cuddle to settle them. So I'm on a roll in terms of cuddling the 'black dog' (aka 'black cat').

Also, LOL about your dance video, I know exactly what you mean about 'speed'. You think that it's really quick, then they say, lets speed it up. LOL. Nahh.

Hey Deebi, great to see you here. Love your idea about - challenge and question rather than fight it. Very very good point DB!!!

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I enjoyed a walk in the park before the volunteering in the Op Shop that also went well.

When I went to see the Employment lady. I just sat there and cried for about 20 minutes then asked if I could go home! She did give me a cup of water and the tissue box and asked if I had a support person she could contact. I told her No.

She made me an appointment for next fortnight and that was that.

Now I have to try to get my head in order to catch up with my study! This will be fun!

Feel like I am trying to cuddle the raging dog and the feral cat at the same time! Might throw in a swarm of bees for good measure!

Hope you are all finding a greater sense of peace tonight!

Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

lol Doolsy you've got a wicked sense of humour, the bees will liven it up.

Pammy thanks hun yeah I liked those words too and as much as I'd like to take credit for them I heard them here by two different people I think

Ok how uncanny and I LOVE this stuff and I'd imagine many can relate to this happening sometimes things just pop in outta the Blue and it did just then. Was checking acronym meaning thread (might be changing title to suggested Abbreviations) and haven't got into habit yet but saved a post which I really need to do a lot more of for learning that Peps (Peppermintbach) wrote on acceptance and was going to get back to it and had forgotten would you believe I fluked onto it just when I'd finally gotten back to posting here and have been listening to other comments around but depends on where the brain fogs sitting wether I can retain or understand etc we all know that story and it said about accepting not analysing or fighting but letting the pain hit then let it flow through. Ok we're getting closer...LOL there's IS hope after all lovelies, still gotta get my head thinking differently to the meaning of acceptance. TA DAaaa

take care lovely people 🙂

[PamelaR]

I'm sitting here with tears running down my face Dools.... 'LOL' feral cat.

Okay, nah, nice pussy. Hadn't though - feral. That's so funny.

Yes, I have found a better sense of peace - thanks.

Yeah Deebi, doesn't matter that these words aren't yours. You've used them in the right context and that is so good!! So that was why I was saying I love your idea!!

Pammy ❤️

[Chloe_M]

hi demonblaster, hello again Pammy, hey Dools

you feeling better now Dools?

*Sending virtual hugs*

Your sense of humour is very funny! I feel like today, after telling my dog and cat to sit in the corner and stop taking over my life (not literally, I said that in my head lol), I reckon I could fight off a swarm of bees as well. I feel invincible now, but just you wait I'll be depressed and anxious again tomorrow. Oh well.

As usual though, there is no peace in my house. No way. My mum says sometimes she feels like she has three kids. That's because my dad is really silly and funny. But I did do some mindfulness without too much distraction.

Hope everyone's Friday is full of sunshine and happiness and well behaved imaginary animals 🐶🐱

Chlo 🤗

[demonblaster]

You poor thing having that big cry although I like it for release it's not so good in public, sounds like she looked after you with water and tissues, that was thoughtful.

Good on you it's a nursing course did you say and helps having experience doesn't it in nursing homes, I love the elderly. I'm not up with the better systems now with training so what course or level are you doing, yes it's so hard to concentrate when you're struggling so much with MH issues, you've been having a hard time for a long time Doolsy ((( hugs ))) you don't like anyone being down but esp when you care about them so much, sorry Doolsy, you're so good doing so many things to keep your ferals lol under control

Hi Chloe 🙂 saw you at the cafe and so sorry meant to welcome you as per I walked out and then remembered things lol so a belated welcome 🙂 lovely post btw sunshine to you too

Pammy lovely thanks darls and for another lovely you said in Mandys thread, nice to hear, you're another one that's exceptional with how and what you say x

Leaving a fly swat to let it rip with the bees knees

peaceful sleepies lovelies

[blondguy]

Hi Dools

Thankyou for the super kind post 🙂

I am sorry if I came across that you didnt know how to look after yourself. I tried to qualify my post so I didnt come across like I was providing advice

You have always been a legend to me and the support you gave me when I joined the forums 🙂

My kind thoughts xo

Paul