Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

[Guest_322]

Hi,

The title basically says it all. I'm something of a sad sack (have been for most of my life).

Some people's trauma seems to come out predominantly as PTSD. Not me, mine seems to show itself as a constant state of blues instead (either that or I'm turning into my mum).

I kind of just want to stay in bed all day. Luckily I'm usually good at dragging my arse of of bed.

Not sure if this thread serves any purpose other than looking for fellow sad sacks- I say this affectionately as I am one of them- who can empathise?

Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD?

Dottie x

[MarkJT]

Dottie, that is a really interesting question you have asked at the end of your post. I mean as an emergency services worker with PTSD, we often talk about why others do not get it when they have seen the same amount of trauma that others that have it have seen. I have just boiled it down to that my brain wasn't loaded with the program the type of trauma I saw that gave me my PTSD.The "funny" thing is that I saw more traumatic scenes and I am fine with that, just not one particular incident. So in saying that, I think that there would be plenty of people out there that have had traumatic childhoods but have not got PTSD but there are plenty that have....ever so confusing and i have successfully confused myself!

This thread serves a huge purpose! I think you would know how many people will be reading this post, not necessarily posting replies, just reading it. The re-assurance to them that they are not alone in feeling sad sackish is highly valuable.

Dottie, you are someone who is brilliant at what you do within the forums and there are so many that have benefited from your knowledge and insight into mental health. What gets you up and about? What do you like doing? Hobbies?

Can I empathise? Absolutely. Just today i woke up angry, tired and the brain going a squillion miles per hour. Did i want to stay in bed and just say to the world that it can get stuffed? Absolutely but life has to go on so it will be a tame day at work. Do what i have to do and get through the day. A fair bit of mindfulness throughout the day and just be kind to myself.

Hope that you get a smile because you are someone really special with the amount of work you do in these forums.

Mark

[james1]

*raises hand* Pick me! I'm a fellow sad sack!

Yes, I had a pretty dreadful childhood, and while I don't suffer from flashbacks or other PTSD type things, certain things will bring out very real childhood thoughts and feelings to the point that I cannot think rationally.

About wanting to stay in bed all day...here's a quote from Inside Out: "I'm too sad to walk. Just give me a few....hours."

Hugs

[Martii]

Hey Dottie,

I guess you could say I had somewhat of a traumatic childhood. One of my parents was (and is) quite mentally ill and violent, life was a constant state of anger and stress and emotion and walking on eggshells. At one stage I feared for my life. However I do not suffer from PTSD, although I am not sure how traumatic you could call my childhood. I am quite blue though, most of the time these days at least. I don't really show it to anyone though, because I feel I have no true reason to be sad, so I feel guilty. I drag myseld out of bed everyday which is an effort but I guess it is routine, not to mention after a particularly unexpected break up with my partner a few years ago I threw myself into work to avoid the pain so that helped the routine come about. I hope that that made sense!

[Guest_322]

Hi Mark and James,

Thank you so much for you responses. Much appreciated and I will get back to each of you individually a bit later. You're both awesome!

Yeah, I'll keep this brief as I don't want to rehash my story (plus people are probably sick of hearing it ha, ha). I've had 15 years of physical and emotional abuse but I have, so far, avoided the clutches of PTSD. I guess I asked the question because I was thinking, surely, I'm not the only one.

At most, vague memories will surface but they're not flashbacks. They're manageable and don't really affect my daily life. My greater struggle would be the constant blues.

I don't know if there's a genetic link. My dad grew up in a violent home himself but has never developed PTSD. Instead, he's chronically depressed (but it comes out as anger).

Anyway, for my whole family, the blues is a bigger issue. Bunch of sad sacks.

Talk a bit later.

Many thanks again,

Dottie x

[MarkJT]

Dottie, no need to do individual reply that's okay. I have to say that I am happy that you have stayed away from the clutches of PTSD. You are obviously a highly resilient woman and are doing the right things to keep it away. Great stuff!

You are getting into an area that is just so fascinating - is there a genetic link? The science behind mental health is just so unbelievably fascinating that I sometimes use that as mindfulness. I spin myself out so much trying to think it through that i forget that i am wigging out!

As we have said before to, why do some get PTSD and some don't?

So so interesting!!!

Mark.

[Guest_322]

Hi Martii,

I'm so sorry for missing your post. I'm guessing you must have posted at the same time as me (?) Thank you so much, and don't worry, you make sense.

Trauma encompasses so many things and there's a degree of subjectivity there e.g. what is traumatic to one person isn't to another person (and vice versa). I would say if you feel it was traumatic then it was traumatic.

I can empathise with much of your post. The violence, mentally unwell parents and, yes, the blasted blues. The breakup must have been very painful. Using work to stifle the pain...hmm...sounds very familiar to me. I can see why you do what you do.

It makes me wonder why other people who grew up in violent homes developed PTSD whereas ours has come out sideways as constant blues instead. Hmm...

Thank you again, it was nice to hear from someone who could empathise. I kept thinking, surely, it's not just me and my dad (?!)

Speaking of the blues, it's come out to bite my bum again. Novelty of uni has worn off already so I've been a bit of a teary mess this week. At least we can empathise with each other here.

Many thanks.

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Mark, thank you again for all the lovely compliments, support and encouragement.

Yeah, it is interesting why some people get PTSD and others don't- I'm guessing it's a combination of factors. I am very curious about the role of genes though.

To answer your earlier question about what makes me tick, I would say the single biggest thing for me is music. It's the source of my sanity.

Growing up, I didn't have much emotional support and things were often very difficult at home so music became my "safe place." When the music was playing or I was playing it (either way), everything was okay. When it stopped or I stopped, everyhing hurt all over again.

Thank you for empathising with my blues especially your morning struggle of dragging yourself out of bed. Life huh?

You're awesome and I so appreciate your CC work and contributions 😊

James, of course you're welcome to join the Sad Sack Society! I'll even upgrade you to VIP status!

Yeah, I know you suffered a lot during your childhood. Things must have been very rough and I vaguely recall there was neglect in your case. I remember reading somewhere online that abuse is an "act of commission" and neglect is an "act of omission." You don't have to elaborate or comment if you don't want to. I realise this is sensitive.

Okay, this is my last post of the day. I'm going to be a Sad Sack today. Have called in sick at work with a "cold" (I definitely don't have a cold).

Take care,

Dottie x

[MarkJT]

Dottie, music is the same for me. Just love it.

I remember in my early days of my post diagnoses journey, i listened to a lot of Foo Fighters. I listened to "Walk" five times in a row.

The first, I blocked everything except Dave Grohls voice;

The second, I listened to Taylor Hawkins on the drums;

The third i listened to the guitars;

The fourth i listened to all the instruments; and

The fifth, I listened to the whole song.

Felt oh so quiet and peaceful after it....for a little while anyway.

Music, makes the world go around!!

Mark.

[james1]

Hey Dottie,

High 5! I didn't go to work today either. I tried to do a little bit of work from home but I just wasn't up to going in. I think I now have a headache from trying to sleep too much haha.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for both of us

Oh and before I forget - it's totally okay to call in sick. You can't work to your full capacity anyway, and you're better off not stressing yourself out even more.

Sorry to hear uni hasn't been much of a distraction. Have you found anything has worked recently? Have you been listening to much music? I now listen to music for at least 20 minutes in the dark in bed before I go to sleep. It helps somehow.

James