Chronic suicidality

[Idontevenknow]

Hi everyone,

I have had chronically suicidal for over two years. It has led to a few attempts and hospitalisations. I'm currently receiving treatment/therapy but it's a long process. Its kind of getting tough because unfortunately you can't just pause life. I'm under a lot of stress from school (zillions of grade 12 assessments), my anxiety has skyrocketed and I'm trying to continue functioning as a normal human being despite being very depressed. Does anyone have any tips on how to keep going in those times between treatment and living a relatively normal life or just with dealing with chronic suicidality in general?

Thanks heaps

[Croix]

Dear Hannah~

I'd suggest not thinking of it as formally 'helping people', just pipe up if you think what you say is going to ease them thogh though whatever you have already been. You will go fine

As an example I read someone was worried he'd be violent when being roused from being immersed in past events (he had PTSD) and as I'd had the exact same worry I was able to tell him I never did anything bad, and I did not expect he would either. Get the idea?

Both Sarah and I and very much looking forward to hearing about your time in Japan, so yes, the more detail the better please. It is so different from here.

Have fun!

Croix

[Aaronsis]

Hi Hannah

Safe travels to you and to your family, I hope that the plane trip is not too long and that you can enjoy the movies and onboard entertainment.

Have the most wonderful Christmas and you spend it with your family and in Japan, how beautiful. I look forward to hearing all about it, when you get around to it that is..enjoy and stay safe.

Merry Christmas to you Hannah and hope you are having the time of your life xxx

Huge hugs as always

Sarah

[Idontevenknow]

Hi Croix,

What you said makes sense, one of the people I replied to a while back described a situation she was in which reminded me of one of my past experiences. I said what I would’ve wanted someone to tell me during the tricky time.

Japan has been great so far! The flight over was a breeze and we made it to my grandparents home slightly drenched from the rain, but to a nice Japanese dinner. We had this thing called shabu shabu and some karage for dinner with donuts as dessert (not so Japanese but still yum). Yesterday we went to a place called Harajuku which has loads of shopping and trendy stuff, it’s where all the young people shop and hang out. I bought a little Winnie the Pooh dog toy for my puppy Winnie as a Christmas present! Today we tried driving and went to this massive shopping mall! Spending the day there has me exhausted. Tonight we’ll have an assortment of Japanese food and some yummy looking chocolate Christmas cake.

Oh and I almost forgot, I GOT AN OFFER FOR MY FIRST PREFERENCE UNIVERSITY COURSE!!! I got an early offer from UQ to study their Bachelor of Health Sciences. I’m so surprised and excited! I wasn’t supposed to get an offer until the 15th of Jan so when I got a text saying that I’d been made an offer I was shocked but over the moon. Very excited for the years to come.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas filled with lots of love and joy!

Merry Christmas,

Hannah

[Idontevenknow]

Hey Sarah,

The flight over was pretty good and was pretty fast. My dad and I didn’t end up buying the onboard entertainment and instead brought an iPad and downloaded stuff off Netflix to watch. We watched a few of Jack Whitehall’s travels with father shows and I watched a makeup show and another movie.

I wrote above to Croix about my itinerary from the past few days if you want to read it. It’s been a lot of fun. Combined with getting a uni offer, it’s been amazing.

I hope you and your family have a very merry Christmas, you deserve it!

Lots of love,

Hannah

[Aaronsis]

Oh Hannah....I am so so very happy for you, I have tears in my eyes when I read your message to Croix..and in capitals...well done sweet girl, you have had the year from hell and you have risen and flourished and succeeded. I am so happy for you.

So happy you have arrived safely and that you are already having a wonderful time.

Cant wait to hear more about it, and that Japanese food..omg..yum!!!

Merry Christmas Hannah, to you and your family.

So proud of you I really am.

So much love

Sarah xxx

[Croix]

Dear Hannah~

I'm please to hear from you, I'd thought perhaps in Japan it might not be as easy. I'm glad you got an iPad, I use one too, very esy to take round and goes for ages. Not stuck wiht just what the airline wants to put on.

I looked up shabu shabu and karage, I'd imagine the difference in cooking, with thin broth vs deep fry would make for a most delicious meal full of textures and tastes.

The uni results, well first congratulations,! (And second a mini lecture.) Built into you ATM is a feeling you can't do well, you can't last. Please reflect on that. Everything you have told me since you started this thread has said different, you are intelligent, capable and imaginative and do normally do well (end of lecture:)

I also looked up the Harajuku district (I'm being a tourist by proxy:) to see it was for the young and trendy as well as having the big stores. If Winnie is any sort of puppy I hope Winnie the Poo is robust:)

How are your grandparents and family? All good?

I join Sarah in wishing you the very best of Christmases and New Year Otoshidama too.

Croix

[Idontevenknow]

Hey Sarah,

I hope you’ve had a wonderful Christmas Day.

Thank you for all of your love, it makes the win even better! I’m still on a high from getting the offer!

Today my mum, dad, sister, grandpa and I drove about two hours out of Tokyo to one of the lakes surrounding Mount Fuji. The view was absolutely stunning. We went up a cable car and on a boat cruise to see even more beautiful views. For lunch I had a delicious Katsu chicken rice bowl. Quite exhausted from our Christmas Day trek.

Lots of love,

Hannah

[Idontevenknow]

Hi Croix,

Merry Christmas! I hope you’ve had an enjoyable day!

The shabu shabu and karage meal was really delicious! As you said quite different, but made for a unique meal.

Thank you. What you said in your lecture is true I guess, despite all of this “evidence”, it’s hard to make my brain believe it.

Harajuku is a must go experience in Tokyo, such unique culture there. I explained to Sarah in the post above what I did today if you want to have a look.

My grandparents are well, going along with their daily life as usual. They’re both getting a bit less mobile and a bit slower but they’re still pretty well. Taking my grandpa to Mt Fuji today really made him happy I think. I’m yet to see the rest of my family, they’ll all come over on Saturday night for a bit of a reunion, but I’ve heard they’re good.

Thank you,

Hannah 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Hannah~

It is fascinating to hear you talk of such a different world, I added to my list of virtual meals today wiht Katsu chicken rice bowl, actually sold here at Woolies. Is the sauce always something hot like chilli? I think I'd prefer it without that.

I really hope your grand pop enjoyed Mt Fuji, I suppose from where he lives it is not visible, even though relatively close. I'm told it has quite an influence on culture.

I live in a small country town but from the edge of the town I can see a mountain range, quite close, but of course from my place no, nothing. I compensate by having lots of native trees which attract birds and possums, both of which I very much enjoy watching.

The possums must use army boots to run around on my tin roof, they make an awful lot of noise for such a small animal.

Did your grandma prefer to stay at home? Are you looking forward to Saturday?

Croix (who has no lectures left 😞

[Aaronsis]

Hi Hannah

Thank you so much, I did have the most wonderful Christmas, it was so happy ..and sad..and full of laughs and tears and mostly family which I loved.

OMG...Chicken Katsu Curry is my all time favorite thing to eat in the world, and I am sure that here we have westernised it so it is probably no where near how truly awesome it is to be eating it in Japan...oh that would be bliss.

I am so happy to hear that you have been doing some reflection on some of Croix's amazing support to you, it really is so wonderful to read that you are considering the possibility of the "evidence"..it really is right there..in brilliant colour for you to see..what you have achieved this year..so many many personal achievements, academically and with your mental health....I had to laugh when Croix signed off with "no lectures left"....I little bubble of hope grew inside me in that maybe...the lectures can wait...for a long time....and Hannah can have some peace, enjoy the love and just be in the now.

I am so happy that you had some time with your Grandfather and that Mt Fuji was something you could do with him..what a wonderful memory to cherish. It really is not until now that I see the value of family with new eyes. I am sorry it has taken my brother's passing for me to have seen and felt this but if something, anything positive comes from our situation, I do grab it.

I am off to cuddle cats today..my poor cats have been a little left on their own with Christmas etc...they are begging for some treats..lol

Huge hugs and lots of love Hannah xx

Love Sarah..a very jealous Chicken Katsu person...lol..xxx