Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell and Quercus,

Thank you for your lovely posts, I appreciate them. I do know that burying stuff does not help, so writing is helping me at present. I have one friend I can share some stuff with, we try to catch up every couple of weeks.

Some people don't like to talk about mental health. Even at Church, only one man asks now and then how I am getting on and when he asks me he whispers like I have some horrible illness no one else should hear about. It makes me laugh inside. At least he cares enough to ask now and then how I am getting on.

The problem is I have been reading different theories on how to deal with your thoughts, none of them seem to be helping much with my thoughts about grief and loss. I will keep exploring and trying different options.

Today I will be in the Op Shop for the day. That will keep me busy. I'm usually home about 4.00 p.m. so not sure if I will pop into the garden after that or not. Might be nice to just sit in a sunny spot and have a cup of tea and listen tot he birds...and the trucks. Ha. Ha.

There is one part of the road the trucks travel over that sounds to me almost like the sea crashing over rocks, so I pretend that is what I am hearing.

Cheers all, from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Okay, after some days to think things through, I have decided I will ask my husband to phone on Monday and try to make an appointment for me to see the psychologist again.

As much as I try to process the events of the last session and the letter I sent her, the thoughts are rattling around in my head which is not at all helpful.

I know the psychologist is human as well, maybe I do need to write out how I am feeling and hand that to her. Maybe my words are not strong enough in just voice alone to express how I am not coping.

I don't think I can make that call right now, so I will hand=ball it to my husband. He will be happier too that I will be returning.

Now to get writing for the psychologist...

Thanks again everyone for your help, support and being my sounding board!

Cheers all from Mrs. D.

[The_Abyss]

Congratulations Mrs D on making that decision.

I was struggling with how my psych acted last visit, and didn't want to go back, didn't feel he was helping, that he didn't understand. I finally went back yesterday and confronted him on it. It was a miscommunication between the two of us. We cleared the air, and were able to move forward. Hopefully, by following up with you psych, you are able to put those rattling thoughts to bed and move forward as well.

Good luck Mrs D

TA

[Doolhof]

Hi TA,

This morning I sent a text to the Psychologist, she called me back. I now have an appointment to see her end of this month. That is the soonest she can get me in. I am going to keep up with writing down how I am feeling and will write down stuff to share with her as well as I do feel she doesn't allow me to talk much nor listen to what I say.

Sharing here on this forum certainly helps as well.

Today I am going to do a bit of cleaning up in the garden and in the house as well then go for a walk. I hope to find motivation to do my exercises for my back as well.

Yesterday I cleaned most of the windows so I was pleased with that effort.

Hope you are doing okay. Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[The_Abyss]

That's fantastic Mrs D! You must be so pleased with yourself!

It's a gorgeous day here... hope the sun continues to shine for you too!

I'm doing ok thanks....over tired and approaching danger time though. High stress fornight ahead so will just take it one step at a time. Thankful for the good, wary of the potential fall!

i benefit from journaling too, although haven't been doing much of it lately. I find it helps to clear the head. Passing the baton as it were.

Enjoy your day

TA

[Doolhof]

Hi TA nad Everyone,

TA, you have mentioned you are expecting a high stress fortnight. Maybe now might be a good time to bring out the journal and start writing.

Would you like to share a little about why it is going to be highly stressful? We may be able to come up with strategies to help the fortnight be less daunting for you.

It does not help if you enter this period of time full of doubt, tiredness and stress to start with. Do you have ways you can calm yourself? Have you tried deep breathing exercises or mini meditations to help ease the stress?

There are some issues we just have no control over no matter how miserable we make ourselves. Hope you manage to make it through this fortnight relatively unscathed!

Sending you courage for the battle if that is what you need.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D

I'm glad you sorted the psychologist yourself, I'm also glad you sound somewhat better in your recent posts. I hope the record you are writing is not too difficult or confronting.

While I'm talking of writing thank you again for your moment whit the bedroom scene and wrapping and climbing up the Christmas tree in

Forums / Staying well / Store Your Happy Memories Here:

Nothing worse than a child being naughty out of reach:)

Bit delayed getting back to you, sorry about that

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix and All,

I'm still working on the info for the psychologist. Not being rude to her, sometimes I think she has an agenda to "fix me" without listening to what is concerning me. Does that work?

The stuff I have written previously about some of my darkest days, she has just said I wrote that well and changed the subject when I tried to discuss what I had written.

Not sure how the next appointment will go.

Right now I have other hassles with my back/muscle problems now having a title of their own "myofascial Pain Syndrome". This condition is known to cause depression and insomnia...too late! I have those already.

Last night and today I have taken a bucket load of medications to help ease the pain. Nothing much is working. We are supposed to be going out tonight, I will be staying home instead. My husband will go with out me.

Laying down is my most painful position right now!

Hopefully I will find something entertaining on T.V. this evening.

Tomorrow a friend of my husband's is visiting with his wife. The guy has just been informed he has 3 months to live! Certainly puts my issues into perspective!

How do you entertain someone who isn't going to be around much longer?

[The_Abyss]

I wanted to wish you luck for today Mrs D.

I'm not sure how one would go about entertaining a friend with a terminal illness. It may be awkward to start with but allow him to set the tone. Maybe he wants to talk about his impending demise, but perhaps he just wants to feel normal for a while and talk of shows he has seen, holidays he has taken, his kids, politics or the weather!

What are you doing for your back? Does chiropractor, physio, exercise physiologist or massage help? Heat pads? Ice packs? How about distraction? I hope things settle for you soon.

Thinking the best for you

TA

[The_Abyss]

How did you go with your guest today? And how is the back tonight?