Challenging unhelpful thoughts

Doolhof · ‎18-02-2017

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

Elizabeth CP · ‎28-05-2017

I'm glad you wrote the letter even if you didn't send it. Perhaps you can revise it to make it more acceptable. Sometimes stating you aren't blaming them but are finding it difficult to understand because your mind is confused due to side effects of meds or something. This then gives you the chance to explain what is happening to you without blaming anyone else. Since your psych sessions have finished perhaps giving the letter to the GP will help the GP understand what is happening. Having it written stops you getting upset or sidetracked & unable to explain yourself. One thing I'd like to remind you is that stress can do strange things to your mind & you have been very unwell & stressed on new meds etc which is likely to really affect you. This is probably causing you to be more forgetful or confused than normal. As you improve your mind should return to normal. I know when I'm stressed & down I don't think clearly but return to normal later. In the meantime focus on anything which helps you feel better & try not to worry about things you can't help. You are a lovely caring person!!!!

Quercus · ‎29-05-2017

Hi Mrs D,

I was glad to hear you felt a little better today. It was absolutely beautiful here too one of those shining days made to lift spirits 😊.

I'm glad you were able to realise the psych isn't the right one for you and even more to put the thoughts to paper.

My psychiatrist mentioned he does sessions over the phone sometimes. Maybe if you have to go to the city to see someone they can do a phone session in between visits so you don't have to drive in all the time. It's worth asking about.

I think feeling grief all the time is normal personally. I find when you love someone it doesn't matter if it's been days or months or years since they passed away the grief remains and surprises you when you don't expect it. I can't remember how many times I've gone to write a letter to my Grandma to share something with her and it always feels raw when I realise she is gone and it has been years.

Your babies will always be a part of you. If you grieve for them and miss them every day in my mind that is normal (because I do the same). I find it helped me to accept the grief was ok and that even if everyone else says you should move on you know yourself best. So if you need to grieve you grieve.

I wrote on Croix's happy memory thread about feeling like my Grandma blessed my new home. To others it might seem nuts that I accept 'signs' but I don't care. It helps me to think she is with me even of it's only in my heart. If that helps you deal with the loss of your babies by talking about them often then you do whatever works for you Mrs D.

I hope I don't upset you by talking this way. And I hope you can find a new psych or therapist (or a GP like TA suggested) who can truly help you.

Doolhof · ‎29-05-2017

Hi Quercus,

Thank you so much for your very kind words. I have been to see a couple of people regarding my "unresolved grief" as it has been called. One lady told me I should be thankful I don't have children as they are just a hassle. Then she asked me what else I wanted to talk about. Problem solved!

I'm not in a rush to find anyone to talk to right now. I'm going to write it all down and get it out of my head that way and pray to God for help, inner peace and comfort.

It is wonderful you have that connection with your Grandma. Many societies around the world honour their dead, we don't seem to do that so well. Some people express their grief with loud screams, crying and huge gatherings of mourners. They share their sense of grief and probably have a greater acceptance of letting that person go, I don't know.

Either way, I know how much I love my children and that is what counts. I believe they are in heaven and I will be reunited with them all one day and with my brother who lived for 4 days and my Grandma's children who were born too soon as well. That is something for me to hold on to and to cherish.

Meanwhile I need to try to make the most of today.

Thanks again for your beautiful words.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

Doolhof · ‎29-05-2017

Hi All,

Sara the place you went to sounds wonderful to me, I can understand after a while you would have the feeling of not being in control perhaps as everything was being done for you. A bit of a quandary really in some ways. The attention you received sounds wonderful to me.

Paul the "Reasonably Happy" thoughts sound very much like the Serenity Prayer. Maybe I will print that out and hang it somewhere where I can see it each morning. It is easy to forget the simplest things that will help us.

Elizabeth thanks for the idea about writing issues down. I tried that, she said I had done a good job with it and the issues were never discussed. Maybe I should have told her I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF!

Croix yes, smaller ear plugs are the go! I do have some so will try to use them more often when needed. The ear muffs are a bright orange, one of my favourite colours.

TA thanks for your thoughts as well. In some ways my other medical problems don't help either like my back and for example. Part of me is frustrated too that I am not working and have no idea where I may find work in the future.

Shell I dreamed of having 6 children. I scared away a couple of boyfriends by telling them that! Funny thing is one guy ended up with 4 children! At the Op Shop I often stop to talk to the children. It brings me happiness.

Quercus thanks also for your very kind words regarding my babies. I have two friends who have also lost children, we all deal with our grief and loss differently which is understandable.

Hope I haven't missed anyone!

My Dr. had provided me with a 6 month Centrelink medical certificate to help me get my brain and back sorted. The physio no longer accepted my medical provider so fees when up more than double, I went to a different physio, the lady talks for 15 minutes and does 5 minutes manipulation if that.

I don't feel I have advanced very far at all so I need to get working harder on trying to fix myself as best I can and accept the rest that I can't change.

Yes, I can make an appointment to see my Dr. It takes about 3 to 4 weeks to get an appointment.

It looks like our day here will be a mixture of sunshine and rain. The garden is very refreshed. In between showers I might get some more leaves raked up and enjoy the freshness of the air.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Croix · ‎30-05-2017

Dear Mrs D

Like most of us, if we could adopt the sensible advice we give then we would be pretty well on the way (well, at least I would be:) Deciding you have to support and care for you is so right. We could see the improvement when you were looking after you, going out, doing things, more comfortable at home. We can sadly see a bit of a downturn now.

When you come right down to it you are pretty sensible and have made yourself feel better - quite recently. It's just I suspect, that much harder when you have your family close and taking precedence in your mind.

Thinking in terms of Asberger's seems a good way for you to reconcile behavior rather than just finding it hurtful. Reading that book was a pretty good thing.

As for your medical team, if it was me and I was stuck with them I guess I'd be looking for bits and pieces I could relate to and use. Then again I'm lucky, I'm on the same wavelength as my pshrink so have not had to try that.

TA has given some pretty good advice there about remote consultations or regular unloading - any of it possible?

Anyway on another matter I'm here to thank you for bringing one more happy time to the front where all can see it in:

Forums / Staying well / Store Your Happy Memories Here:

Your sister sounds quite a character. Like 9 Names Later I'm a bit puzzled why they ran.

Take care Mrs D

Croix

Doolhof · ‎31-05-2017

Hi TA,

Regarding catching up with my DR. The last time I saw him, he said he didn't want to see until another month had past.

Guess I just feel like I am hitting my head against a brick wall trying to get help.

So it is time for me to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep plodding on the best I can each day.

The_Abyss · ‎31-05-2017

Mrs D - Just because he doesn't want to see you for a month, doesn't mean you can't see him. "I know you didnt need to catch up with me, but I really need to talk with someone...."

Doolhof · ‎31-05-2017

Hi TA,

Think I am done with talking to professionals for a while. I will give my psychologist credit, she did try to phone today to chat. I burst into tears and could not talk to her much at all.

She asked if I would make another appointment to see her. I told her no. Part of me felt that sick and insecure I don't think I could walk into her office right now.

So I have been writing stuff down. Working in the garden and trying to understand my thoughts and confusion.

It was beautiful out in the garden if I could find a spot in the sun. Managed to clean up one section so I was pleased with that.

I know my brain is getting twisted right now and it scares me a little. I also know from past experiences I will just bury stuff for now. Maybe I will dig a hole all the way to China and dump my crap there. Ha. Ha.

Cheers from Mrs. D

Guest_1055 · ‎31-05-2017

Hi Mrs D,

I believe it is a great idea of yours to write things down. A journal maybe.? You could include how you are feeling about anything and also any thoughts ,whether muddled or not. I don't think it matters what you write, properly best to write rather than stuff in down within or bury it. From my experience just stuffing it in within, causes me to feel so much worse, maybe not on that day, but eventually. Either anger will surface or depressive feelings.

I am glad you enjoyed your garden today too

Shell

Quercus · ‎31-05-2017

Hey Mrs D,

Please don't give up on the professionals completely. Some do a lot of good. You just haven't found the right one yet ☺.

Writing sounds like a good idea (and anything even remotely relating to gardening is fabulous in my books). Try not to bury it all Mrs D. Shelley Anne is right it festers and comes back to hurt you worse.

Talk with friends. Talk with us even but please try not to bottle it up. I'm speaking dealing with an unearthed can of worms now that I buried ten years ago.