BPD

[GuestYD]

Hi all

i have BPD. I have been to the emergency department multiple times due to suicidal thinking when 2 hours before I was happy. I can go from excited to depressed in an instant.

i used to self harm but I've stopped that. I am fixated by the idea of suicide even though I've got no intent. I can be impulsive.

I idealise certain people in my life, including my mental health team.

I fear that my Dr will abandon me.

i experienced brief psychosis when I was stressed and the object wasn't really there

[Guest_322]

Little Cavie,

I think it's great that you've created this thread and seem to have found ongoing mutual support in James 😊

It's good that people are talking more about BPD here because not only does it help you guys, it also gives ignorant people- like me- some insight on BPD (however limited).

It must be hard...hang in there.

Dottie x

[GuestYD]

Hi Dottie

Thanks for your lovely message.

It's really great being able to discuss BPD stuff with other people. I agree it's good being able to chat with James about our shared experiences.

I told my psychologist about the forum and she was initially a bit unsure but she liked the idea by the end of the explanation. I'm glad you are finding stuff out too about BPD too!

LC

[Guest_322]

Hi LC,

Any time 😊

I'm glad your psych came around, and I agree that it makes an enormous difference to be able to talk to someone who can share firsthand experiences with you.

So keep talking ha, ha. It's healthy 😊

Dottie x

[james1]

Haha it sounds like academia suits you just perfectly. I think I was the same. I loved learning all the theoretical stuff about economics and applying statistics to data to see trends and stuff, but moving into the actual finance is just completely different. It's all just people skills which thankfully I can pretend to have, but completely intellectually unsatisfying. I mean, it's hard, but not hard in the way I'd like.

Ah your fur-girl sounds lovely 🙂 Her favourite things are also oddly my favourite things too, haha. I just love the simplicity of pets and dogs especially. They don't want anything special - just the simple things in life.

What kind of activities do you like? I'm talking to Deb on her thread at the moment about being childlike and we were talking about how we seem have a lot of curiosity about things, and we try to do everything in whatever holds our interest at a point in time. Do you do that as well? It does sound like you have a wide range of interests which is great.

James

[GuestYD]

Hi James

I don't have great people skills and I'm terrible at pretending! It makes working in a service industry such as at a law firm really difficult. I have just always been more bookish and not people smart. I think it's more than just a BPD thing, it's more like a 'me' thing if that makes sense. I think the theoretical stuff is just more rewarding for me.

I sometimes wish I was a little dog 🙂 It would be so nice and I wouldn't have any worries! You'd get excited all the time at really mundane things - for example, she loves cardboard tubes and always wants someone to give her a tickle. I just had a little lie down with her on the couch which she loved 🙂

My activities are a bit too personal. I think if I mentioned them and someone read this forum they would be able to work out exactly who I was. Most of the activities are a bit academic in nature, for example competing or judging law competitions. I was involved in the federal election as well, so I am quite interested in politics and international affairs. I find I like to get involved in activities, but I have maintained my interests over the course of my degree. I find my interests are pretty stable and I like doing the same kind of activities, even if I get involved in a slightly different society.

Do you play any video games? I am really keen to play Civilisations 6, but I need to finish my assignment first. I absolutely love strategy games. I haven't played Civs for ages, so it will be awesome to have a new version to discover.

Anyway back to my assignment!

LC

[james1]

Hey LC

Aha I never had great people skills either but it was just something I ended up working on a lot through later high school and uni. Yeah, I think that might be more a personal preference thing rather than BPD. Have you ever done the Myers Briggs personality test or one of the other offshoots?

Haha yes, my doggy can just lick the floor all day. You should youtube "Bird Rolling In Used Toilet Paper Roll". It's soo funny. Your comment about cardboard tubes made me think of that.

Ah cool, no worries 🙂 I think it's great that you've identified your interests. Do you like international politics as well? I think I'm more interested in the theory and philosophy of politics, whether domestic or international. But it is annoying how none of it seems to be applicable and gets thrown out the door! Do you have many friends from uni? I found it really hard to make friends there and only managed to land a good group by chance, but then we all went our separate ways a bit after uni and kept in touch as a group for events like carols or sculptures by the sea. I don't think we'll continue it though because I was going out with one of the girls in the group and we've now broken up after a few years so it'll be a bit awkward.

Oh Civilisation 4 is one of the few games I still play, haha. I still play Civ 4, Zeus (by Impressions Games, a classic city building game), Heroes of Might and Magic and sometimes I play Halo on my XBox. Civ6 is coming out soon right? Or is it out already? I never played 5...but I hear it was pretty good.

What's your assignment on?

James

[GuestYD]

Hi James

I really should have go at a personality quiz. When I applied for a job at a commercial law firm, I had to do a occupational personality quiz. You had to choose between 3 options which you most agreed with and least agreed with. I have no idea where I've put the results, but I found I had a strong preference for rules, and not as good with soft skills although good at persuading people of my opinion. It was really stuff I knew, but it was interesting to see the results.

It's really good that you have worked on those skills - they are so important.

I do like international politics as well. I keep pretty up to date with news and regularly read the Economist and Guardian Weekly. I have been following the American Election fairly closely. Trump is like watching a train wreck, which increases interest! People actually heckled him when he said he respects women as much as any other man. It was a bit concerning when he said he wouldn't concede defeat should he lose.

I had a really good group of friends at uni, but when I got sick things changed a bit. People finished their courses and started working. I've been a bit slower to do my course because of my hospitalisations. I found that I always felt disconnected from groups even before I got really sick - so I could have been with a group of people and I would feel out of place. I did have a close group of people and we had lots of intense discussions about mutual interests. So that's been good.

Ah that makes it a bit tough with your group of friends. Hopefully you can still meet up with them.

I think Civ 6 is out today? I'm pretty excited 🙂 I have not played a game in ages but I am pretty excited about Civ 6. But I know that downloading the game now would not be a good thing to do. Next week.

LC

[james1]

Hey LC

Yeah, most of it is pretty much confirming your own ideas already, but there's some value in then reading about other personality types and how your two personalities interact.

Haha Trump is a train gone off its rails. The scariest bit though is hearing other people defend Trumps comments as "boy talk". That makes me sad. Like we want a boy as president?

Ah that's a shame about how the hospitalisations changed your friendship group a bit. I guess it happens anyway though when people leave and start work. My friendship group has really shrunk now and I'm not yet 25. Still, I don't mind it too much. I like having a small group anyway. Yeah, I think it's just a matter of hopefully we can all just get over that and meet as friends. I mean, I'm open to it, but we'll see. We can just meet individually in the meantime I guess.

Oh really? I will have to look at it. Haha yes, almost next week! If you get it, you'll have to let me know whether to also get it 😛 I've been dying to get something new because it's been aaages since I bought a new game.

I saw your other thread about your confusion about your sexuality. I just wanted to say I think you're an awesome person and I'm sorry to hear that your past has been tricky on all fronts, but I'm really glad things seem to be pulling together again!

James

[GuestYD]

Hi James

Thanks. That's really sweet. Yeah it sucks how much my past impacts me now. I'm actually feeling so relieved. I've felt pretty good about the idea and I've managed to get asked out on a date. I think she's very nice from chatting with her so I'm nervous but also excited.

I bought Civ VI but haven't played it yet. I just wanted to get it so badly 🙂 I've finished a draft of my essay so I'm well on track which also is good. I've been so disciplined 😛

That sounds nice about small groups of friends. I think you end up with smaller groups as you get older. I should organise a dinner with some of my friends. I haven't gone out for ages.

Yes it is sad. I can't believe he said he is going to not concede the election. The allegations that the election is rigged are extraordinary. Then you have the leaked emails and association with Russia. Trump threatened to sue the women who have come forward. He is terrible!

How did your date go?

LC

[james1]

Oh I'm so excited for you! When's the date?

Mine went super duper well. We'd met online and to be honest, I wasn't sure because she wasn't the most excitable person via text, haha. But in person was super lovely and chatty so we had a really good time bowling and then getting some lunch.

She had a couple of other dates after and the next day, but it appears they didn't go well enough to stop a second date from happening so we're planning to go to the zoo this weekend 🙂 I'm really keen.

The BPD thing is confusing me though because basically throughout the entire process I've been carried on a huuge rollercoaster. The whole idealisation/devaluation thing is so true for me unfortunately. I was kind of hoping it would be one of the traits I don't exhibit but I've really seen myself do it internally. At least knowing this has meant I've kept my wits about and just...tried not to show it outwardly. I really want to make this work. But in saying that, I'm also wary that in trying to make it work I might end up twisting my own self to make it work which was what my psych wanted me to be really vigilant about. Blargh. Relationships are a pain. Haha.

In saying all that, I do really like her 🙂 Sorry about the essay there, haha.

Oh when's the essay due? (i.e. when can you start playing? haha)

Dinner with friends sounds good 🙂 You can do something low key. Or even ask one of your friends to organise it if it makes you a bit nervous doing that.

Hahaha yeah I read about him saying he wouldn't accept defeat and would also sue the 12 (11?) women after the election. That was hilariously scary. Ah, he's crazy. I can't believe his wife has stuck by him to be honest. She must be out of her mind as well...well, less than a month to go.

James