BPD

[GuestYD]

Hi all

i have BPD. I have been to the emergency department multiple times due to suicidal thinking when 2 hours before I was happy. I can go from excited to depressed in an instant.

i used to self harm but I've stopped that. I am fixated by the idea of suicide even though I've got no intent. I can be impulsive.

I idealise certain people in my life, including my mental health team.

I fear that my Dr will abandon me.

i experienced brief psychosis when I was stressed and the object wasn't really there

[GuestYD]

At my first meet up at the gallery! It's fun. The people seem nice too.

[james1]

Hey lc that sounds nice. Galleries are great. I'm in Canberra at the moment and we went to the war memorial today.

Haha the bright side of your dog story is your dog must've liked the present.

the girl thing is really doing my head in. I am torn between thinking I'm overthinking everything and maybe just not reading the signs properly. But it really sends me into the real depths until I get a message then I'm okay for a bit. But pretty low at the moment.

Are you managing alright without your psychologist?

I think people are more accepting now of mental illness in the workplace. You don't have to disclose what you don't want to.

I hope you had a good Christmas

[GuestYD]

Hi James

Yes, galleries are great. There are always heaps of interesting things to see.

I quite like Canberra. It's an interesting place. The memorial is really fascinating. If you like books, particularly old books the Library has some good displays. I always like going to libraries. I'm a very bookish person.

Oh yes. Mum decided the bed was ok so we've been doing exposure therapy! So sitting her on the mat and rewarding her if she sits or lies on it and growling if she tries to play with it! She sort of gets the picture! But short bursts! It is super cute. Love that dog so much.

I have been going ok without my support but a bit up and down and had one freak out where I was worried that they might leave me or even die... I got some support which settled me down and my psychologist responded to my email which essentially asked if she was still out there which really helped to settle me the next day... I don't know about you but I tend to have my freak outs at nighttime... What about you? How are you going?

Oh it sounds like a real rollercoaster with the girl! You are doing well - as it sounds like it's a tough one. Good work.

I did have a good Christmas - family stuff is nice.

Anyway I'm exhausted. Night!

LC

[james1]

Hey LC,

I will need to visit the library again some time. I really enjoyed the memorial. They did it really well. If you've ever been to the UK, the Churchill War Rooms in London are awesome too.

Haha your dog sounds amazing. I want to get a dog one day.

Yeah, I hate night times. I think I feel most alone then, so usually I try to completely exhaust myself until I physically just have to fall asleep. I was super tired yesterday when coming home from Canberra, so I had to keep stopping while driving back. I've been...I don't know. I am pretty drained. I really just want to move overseas and start again!!

Cool, I try to spend Christmas with my sister as much as possible. We are hoping to go to the fireworks again this year for NYE. I think I'm trying to build a family routine around Christmas and NYE since we never did anything when I was growing up. So we've had stuff the past couple of years which has been nice.

I want to find my hobbies again which I've just completely dropped in the past month. I'm really not doing anything useful 😞

James

[GuestYD]

Sounds like a nice plan for nye. I'm aiming to have a quiet night, celebrating with my dog 😜 at home!

I've been getting back into my language study, playing clarinet (which I haven't for a while) and reading books both fiction and non fiction. I'm excited about my next meet up group! Not until mid Jan.

Ive been having nightmares and waking up frozen and unable to move, as well as flashbacks. So I spoke to my dr on the phone and she's upped my night meds to help me settle and not get frightened. It's interesting because it's very much a ptsd reaction, but ordinarily I don't have many issues with it. So it's confusing.

Moving overseas would be so cool. Where would you go if you could pick anywhere? I just am not well enough to do that at the moment...

LC

[james1]

Oh cool. Those are nice hobbies. I'd like to do that too. What's your meet up group focussed on? I haven't been to one in ages.

Oh that's really horrible. Have you had PTSD as well?

I would probably go to the UK. Maybe.

Ah this is one of those mornings for me where you wake up and much as you try to not think about the past, all you can think about is how much you've messed up. 😞 So while I'm in a terrible mood, I may as well go through my photos and delete some then transfer them onto an external hard drive.

James

[GuestYD]

I went to one at the gallery. I'm going to test out 2 bookclubs next month. Separately I've found an orchestra at my uni that accepts people without auditions so it could be an option for me to get involved in music! I went to Pilates today which was good 🙂

I am not sure but the symptoms are PTSD like. I'll have to ask my dr what she thinks. It also makes me think that my antipsychotic is helping to reduce the symptoms. My condition is fairly complex so I'm glad I am managed by a psychiatrist.

oh agree looking back over past decisions can be difficult! I have a tendency to dwell on the past and it impacts my mood. I think I've got better at it.

Hope you have a great New Year's Eve!

Lc

[james1]

Hey LC,

I keep signing up to book clubs but not actually reading the books, haha. I don't think I've completed a book for at least 2 years now.

Sounds great about the orchestra 🙂 I'm looking at some local community orchestras so I can also get back into it, but I need to practice my clarinet.

How was your NYE and this week? We went to the fireworks which was nice and just been cleaning the house all week.

I've been throwing out a lot of my uni stuff which makes me sad because it feels like I'm throwing away my previous hope to become an academic, even though I know I could pick it up again. I dunno. I just feel like I should keep them if I ever want to go down that route, but since I'm throwing them out...

James