Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

I am sorry but I have been in this bloody whole so long and o haven't found a way out yet. I get tired of being told to have hope. I held on to hope for so long there is none left. Just constantly bombarded with crap in my life.

[startingnew]

Dotti ❤❤❤

[Guest_5809]

Thank you. Feels a bit less lonely seeing the words. Xx

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

Hope can seem an impossible promise, it would seem that so much has to change before hope can become a fact. Can seem impossible - a mirage or something reserved just for others.

I guess I don't see it that way. Although I can go on about being miles better now it did not start that way. For me it started in a psych ward when someone handed me a book, a fantasy story. I read a little and stopped. Later I read more. In time I came to look forward to reading. This was just me, I don't suppose many others would have got anything out of it.

The point is I was looking forward to something very small, not life-changing, and it made a real difference. The bigger things came later.

I'd be so happy for you if there was anything at all you could look forward to - even for a moment. How about a grin from you terrier?

BTW you are helping others, no way is it "Same chick whining". you hurt, you talk, we talk back - that's natural. You understand a lot of SN, she understands a fair bit of you. An awful lot of us - me too - started out thinking we had absolutely nothing to offer.

Croix

[startingnew]

i like what Croix has written here Dotti

and your not alone, we are always here for you, and alwasy with you in spirit too

oxoxox

[Guest_5809]

Thank you for your kind words that are inspiring. I have 3 admissions. 2 I cam out feeling reset. I felt I could stop and smell the roses and be me again. The last admission wasn't so successful with the kids playing up. I am trying to get my worker to get care for the boys asap. I know it's time to resett again. I just wish I was stronger and more together and didn't need this

[Guest_5809]

Thank you. J have had the flu 10 days and now a tummy bug. There just seems not time to stop but I think it's getting to point I will have to

[Doolhof]

Dear Dottie,

The roller coaster ride of mental health issues can be a little trying at times can't it! I dislike roller coaster rides with a passion.

Even if you have been on the ride before, the ups and downs and the strong swerves throwing you all about the place are still the none the less frightening. I desire to have a spew bag with me and to be able to shut my eyes and hold on tight. It is impossible to do all of this at once.

I get off the ride feeling totally shattered, have wobbly legs that hardly hold me up, feel like I need to vomit, my head feels like it is going to explode, and I don't want to ever go on a roller coaster ride again in my life.

I do have the choice not to go on a ride ever again. Unfortunately with mental health issues we don't always have a choice of how it is going to affect us or make us feel. We need to find ways to hold on, to spew, to ache and hurt and yet keep going.

Like Croix, I too like to escape in the land of books and have found writing a Gratitude" journal is helping, plus using some cognitive therapy to sort out issues and find different ways of thinking.

This doesn't always work. I had a rough weekend feeling really depressed and wanting to cry frequently. I am seeing my Dr today and my husband told me I need to ask for some "anti psychotic pills". Now that gave me one hell of a laugh! I felt better after a good laugh!

Finding a way to break the cycle and climb out of the rut helps me. Not always easy, but worth the battle.

Cheers.

[startingnew]

i think now is the time to stop Dotti. its time to take care of you. when we are having a rough time with depression and anxiety our immune response lowers so we are more susceptable to physical illness.

its time to take care of you

xoxoxo

[Guest_5809]

So so tired