Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

I have tried for respite services for 3 years. The kids have gigh needs with emotional behavioural issues. It's doing my head in.

[Guest_128]

Hey there Bell,

I have seen you around and not sure if we have met,sorry it's a Dory thing. I ca Not read it all,cause I will forget.

ok I say it how I see it,

So could you please give me a very brief story about what's going on in your life?

Dory

[Croix]

Dear Dottibluebell~

I hate to see you blame yourself when matters are outside your control and you are coping at least as well as anyone else in that situation.

It's a bit like watching someone try to thread a needle, and keeps on being jogged on the elbow, makes it just about impossible. I'm not up to a long post, wanted you to know people are here for you and understand

Croix

[Guest_3712]

Hi Dotty

SN mentyou may need some extra support. Like Dory I'm not up to speed with all your issues but certain things jumped out .

Shame , guilt, self loathing all very familiar and all signs of depression.

You say professionals have been no help- maybe you haven't found the right one yet.

It took 3 before I felt I had right Psych and have been with him many years. Do you have extended family that can give u some time out ?

Church groups , salvo's all offer services- BB also have support lines

Importantly you are not alone - all of us here have been through what you're going through and / or still are

Try to challenge those negative thoughts - if your brain is saying curl up in the corner and shut the door , do the opposite.

Get out grab the kids go for a drive a walk anything to distract those negative feelings

Small victories lead to bigger ones

Pop onto our Circle thread in Staying Well - lots of us go there to chat and be silly firvavehileband forget the heavy stuff

Just say hi - you can join in or not

Lots of yummy food and drink to share

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Guest_5809]

Sole parent of 2 kids. 14,15. Ex is a narcissist cheat who was a a bit hands on with myself at times. Been divorced 8 years but he has controlled our lives ever since. 14 yo was sexually assaulted at school when he was 10 by a group of 9 yo. 15 has been in and out of adolescent psych wards 5-6x in last year for Sh. End of last year I ended up inpatient involuntarily found wandering freeway in middle of night after over self medicating. My family are disgusted with me. Told my kids I am not worthy of being their mum. We have had sevices. Kids have psychs I do to now. I am tired drained totally over it. Respite is a joke no one will take the kids cause they are high needs. Great life hey. I hate it with a passion.

Thanks for listening

[Guest_5809]

I am exhausted of living like this though.

[Guest_5809]

I don't have the energy to challenge myself. My energy is for the kids. They deserve it. I have had my chance and have nothing left for myself

[startingnew]

hey Dotti

im still here, sending lots of hugs and love. im just out of my depth abit here as im not a parent but im still around anytime you need an 'ear' to listen or a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold ok

xooxoxoxoxoxox

[Guest_5809]

Thank you. I just think sometimes suck it up your kids need you. Other times I think dam it I am done.

[startingnew]

you dont need to suck it up here though. you can express all your thoughts and feelings here. what is said here, stays here and its safe. so please rant, cry, shout or do whatever it is that you need and want to do.

we are all here supporting and backing you as well so your not alone

xoxoxoxox