Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

Your words always get to me. I’m s kind compassionate matter. Today I went and spent the day with my kids got my birthday tomorrow. It was dreadful. I can’t put it into words so I just 😢😢😢

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

Tomorrow even if I don't post I'll be saying "Happy Birthday Dottie". I won't be saying it just for now but for the future too. I really do believe you will find life better, and most of that feeling will come from inside you, where the love, sense and strength is tucked away.

Popping out to see the kids would have been a shock, with the contrast between the ward and outside. Perhaps it reminded you that you have a way to go to get strength and resourcefulness back, perhaps reminding you that the kids themselves are maybe not doing that well and present problems.

You will get there. When you first posted here I don't think you would have imagined you could have talked so frankly - and offered help to others too.

Croix

[startingnew]

hi Dotti its really good to hear from you. Happy birthday! i hope your able to have a good day

hugs xoxoxo and sending a big bunch of rainbow roses to you!

[Guest_5809]

Thank you so much ❤️

[Guest_5809]

Thank you!

Yes it has reminded I haven’t got enough fuel stored to keep the fight. I want to go back the best I can be. They deserve that as much as I do.

Your words always inspire me to look at things so differently. For that I thank you 😊

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

You are very welcome, you deserve the best we can offer.

I don't think left to ourselves you and I would think that differently. I was like you. The world had made me think all was hopeless and impossible - plus all the other thoughts you are so familiar with.

As I improved and my illness became less my thinking changed to how it is now. The same is going to happen to you, and actually in your last post some of that sense and perspective is starting to show, just with a little respite away from the world.

Please don't rush it.

Happy Birthday(s)

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

I'm checking in to see how you are, it's been a couple of days or so since I've seen you around. Hopefully you are still in hospital and are getting the same sort of retreat from life's hard edges I got.

Croix

[Guest_5809]

Hi Croix

I am back home 5 days now. Battling the demons here. Bed and pjs are my best friend right now. How are you going. 😊

[startingnew]

hey Dotti its really good to hear from you 🙂

[Guest_5809]

So my son has been charged with family violence towards me. I am shattered. Lost. A failure as a mother a protector.