Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

I feel I like running away. I can’t deal with being anothing. I just want to cry but I won’t give anyone the satisfaction.

[Guest_5809]

The answer to my question are we kidding ourselves things can get better? yes we are. I know to put the mak on before you put the kids mask on in an emergency but I would not. When you have no value you treat those you value the most first.

[blondguy]

Hey Dotti

I understand that you put your children first and thats very noble and I agree with you without a doubt

The problem still remains that you (or I for that matter) wont be able to be the best parent we can if we dont care for ourselves first. The better our mental health the better parents we are, To leave the mask off is only having an adverse effect on our kids.

I know it takes a heap of effort, time & determination but it will only benefit our kids when we place ourselves first.....thus providing a better quality upbringing/future for our children.

I am sorry that you think that we are kidding ourselves by thinking things can get better. Yes its a huge effort to make the effort to do so but your children will reap the benefits. With all respect I wouldnt be here if I didnt think think that things could get better Dotti. To do the best we can for our kids we have to put ourselves first. How can our kids look up to a parent that has no self value?

You are not alone alone here Dotti

Paul

[Guest_5809]

Hi Paul.

Have ended up back in hospital. Really thought I could ride this out but there the straw that broke the camels back😢

how are you going?

[startingnew]

HI Dotti

no need for apologises at all. despite the way it came to a point im really glad that you are there and are getting the support you so deserve. please let them take care of you. you are really worth it

sending lots of hugs to you

xoxoxo

[Guest_5809]

Thanks star. So pleased for your news too. Woohoo hi 5 girl

❤️

[startingnew]

hugs Dotti

xooxo

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

I was really pleased and relived to see you say you were in hospital. It was so obvious here outside looking in you have been teetering on the edge of disaster for such a long time.

I guess the next table is not to give in to temptation and try to get out of there early.

How are you finding it?

Croix

[Guest_5809]

Hi Croix

i am finding it a real struggle in my head to stay here. My kids work the burden on carers. I just stay in bed all day get up for meals. One part of me just keeps saying your done fighting this anymore. There’s nothing left.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

The fact that you are there is great, and needing to stay in bed is more than understandable, I'd be sure something was wrong if you didn't. It can be really hard to estimate the amount of strain and pressure one has been under. I was terrible at that and ended up being invalided out of my career as a result.

You've had all these coping strategies that have wrung the very last drop out of you. So you need time to rebuild and at first it can seem like nothing is happening - then the self-blame kicks in again,and you question if you should be there - well YES you should!

So look for little things, a book, magazine, TV show, talk to someone. No hurry, just as you get the desire to do so. I found that was how I started back when in the ward, with a young person's book.

Please hang in there Dotti, I feel so pleased I'm talking to you there and not outside. Gives hope.

Croix