Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

Guest_5809 · ‎05-08-2017

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

startingnew · ‎26-09-2017

Hugs and love Dotti

i know your in a very hard and tricky situation however how can you care for your kids when your struggling so much yourself. they will be ok, and so will you.

you just have to go with the flow abit and hope that things will work out for the best

Guest_5809 · ‎26-09-2017

I wish it was as easy as just as easy as going with the flow. It's just not that easy with kids with high needs. But thank you for your kind words x

startingnew · ‎26-09-2017

hugs dotti

i wish i could say or do something more i really do

xoxoxoxo

you can hold my hand for a while if you like if itll help

Guest_5809 · ‎27-09-2017

Went for respite intake today. I don't think I can do it. I lied. I Sh. I thing about Sh lots. I am such a screw up as a mother. They have been my sole responsibility and on my watch for 9 years. It is my fault our lives are ruined. The guilt is overwhelming 😢😢

Croix · ‎27-09-2017

Dear Dotti~

We don't suggest respite and a break because we don't know what you are going though. We do see both the responsibility you have and the problems. We can weigh up the consequences, we do not disregard them

Our wishes are simple. We want to be able to talk to you in a few weeks time and see you a little refreshed, not self harming, not spiraling down, not full of despair.

Life does not give everybody easy choices, I wish it did.

Please go to respite, the long haul, not giving in to guilt now, is the important thing.

Croix

Guest_5809 · ‎27-09-2017

Thanks Croix. Your responses are always so lovely and caring. So appreciated x

Guest_5809 · ‎28-09-2017

I feel so mad with myself that I can't get on top of things and that I have let depresssion and anxiety be apart of my life. I am letting the kids down. I wish someone could just tell me how to get over it. Then maybe everything would be ok.
I just don't understand why I can't get over it and get on top of it. Other sole mothers do.

Croix · ‎28-09-2017

Dear Dotti~

I guess it is time to remind you that depression and anxiety are illnesses, they attack people and hang on like leeches, driving the person's life right down, sometimes fatally. Nobody 'allows' them to come into their lives, for various reasons beyond our control it simply happens.

I hate it when someone says to me "just get over it". It is so unrealistic. I can no more get over it than a broken leg -in fact now I come to think of it I've more chance of quick recovery with the broken leg.

You really do know the way, help yourself then help the kids. You need to be there for the future. What other single mothers do is nothing to do with it! You have your own problems, they most likely will have too.

Croix

Guest001 · ‎29-09-2017

Hi Dotti

im only new to this but let me tell you something.You are a great mother and have not failed.

a mother who cares for her children no matter what they put you through is a very brave and wonderful mother.A mother that failed is like mine who just didnt care about the kids at all thats a failure.

im sorry that i cannot help you with any constructive advice but just to know that you do have friends in this world hopefully will give you the strenght and wisdom you need to get through this very taxing time.

Guest_5809 · ‎30-09-2017

I am so over my kids use my mental health against me when they are angry. I am an easy target. I have really had enough. All I ever wanted was my kids to love and respect me. Can’t even get that in this thing they call life.