Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

Lost lonely and and sad. Sad sad

[blondguy]

Hey Dotti, I really hope that you can somehow feel okay to lean on your GP. I still see mine every 4 weeks for a tune up if my depression starts to drag me down

I make a double appointment if I am going through a rough time. Ugh...depression is pain....

Its great to have you as part of the forum family Dotti 🙂

I hope today isnt too crappy for you

my kindest

Paul

[startingnew]

Hey Dotti

thinking of you

sending you lots of hugs and love

xoxoxoxox

[Guest_5809]

Thank you. I am really struggling with guilt and shame. But there is worse than me out there suffering so trying to suck it up.

Sending hugs back xx

[startingnew]

Those words arent allowed Dotti

Theres no sucking it up here.This is your special place let it all out ok

We are here for you ❤❤

[blondguy]

Hey Dotti

Startingnew is spot on as usual....

"This is your special place let it all out ok"

we are not kidding ourselves Dotti....the pain is very real.....

Paulx

[Guest_5809]

I am tired of being pulled one way by one child and another way by the other child. Yes they have their needs and I am the only one they have. But I am sick of no one caring for me. I just wish for a short time I could have that for myself where I could be nutured and cared for. I hate nyself with an absolute passion. I repulse myself and my thoughts and the fact I can't get my shit together

[startingnew]

sometimes you just cant get yourself together. you need some help yourself as well and its smething you deserve as well. im not a mum so im not really sure how to support you in the that aspect but im here none the less.

sending lots of hugs and love, support and encouragment

xoxoxoxoxxo

[Guest_5809]

That's just it. I think it's a hopeless situation. Professionals have no answer

o hate my life with a passion which sounds selfish. But it surely wasn't meant to be so hard.

[startingnew]

can you speak to someone and see if someone can watch your kids for a few days so you can take a break?