Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

I do try very hard to make my family work. I don't know who to put my focus on anymore. The boys need me all the time. I am tired of it. Is it me that created this? Naths gf broke up with him tonight. I know he I sad I try to be there just to support him. Instead he tries to attempt to end his life. Thank god he couldn't. I don't know why I can't take these things and just move on. The kids loook to me for strength. I have no strength left to be happy happy mum. Bloody over everyone thinking it will get just better. When?when?

[blondguy]

Hi Dotti

You are really in a dark place now Dotti thats for sure. Feeling the way you do would make anyone feel exhausted and when something happens (as with your son) its much harder to cope as we have so much less mental energy

A relationship falling apart is heartbreaking especially for our kids. Im really sorry that you....and your son....have just been through this. I really dont know where you find the strength Dotti. Do you have a good GP that you can have a gasbag with? I see mine every weeks with my depression for encouragement when I am in a dark place. He is mega supportive and really keeps me going

Sometimes having a person (or people) to vent to can make a huge difference to our day to day pain. I hope your son is doing a bit better today

Great that you are here Dotti 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Guest_5809]

I just do t know where to get strength from anymore. I feel selfish thinking about my own feelings when my kids need me to manage theirs. 😟

[blondguy]

You are not selfish in any shape or form Dotti. Being in the place you are in is a huge drain on your mental health. You are a super caring mum who is doing it hard. When I had my agoraphobia back in the 1980's I called a social worker from the council once and she was a huge help when I was at my lowest like you are now

I really hope that you can find some peace Dotti...you deserve to

my kindest. Paul

[Guest_5809]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I often feel like a giant pain in the bum bugging people with my problems. " like just get over dotti what is wrong with you that you can't just be happy and have happy kids too"

[blondguy]

Ah yes....the people that haven't had a mental illness and tell us to 'just get over it'........I remember

I think thats why Beyond Blue do so well not only where the forums are concerned but the whole concept which is to reduce the stigma associated with mental illness.....(and provide support)

Unfortunately because we dont show any signs of a physiological injury people do 'assume' that we can 'get over it'

Good on you Dotti for being a part of the forum family 🙂

my kindest.

Paul

[Guest_5809]

With all that goes on in my life I managed work today. Yey! Small victory. Dodsappointed self medicating now but just trying to survive at this point.

[Guest_5809]

I feel like such a torturous pain to people. I hate being lonely and no one to talk to

what a crap life

[Guest_5809]

Thanks to everyone who took the tome to reply. I can be a goant pain on the bum. I appreciate all your encouraging words. They have meant the world. Thanks again.

[Croix]

Dear Dottibluebell~

Don't worry or feel guilty, you are not bugging people.

When one is in pain, grief or feeling hopeless then a natural human reaction is to seek out others. The simple act of talking is a help and answers a basic human need.

So when you talk here we know and understand - and you are welcome. We may not have magic answers to the things that are wrong but listen and understand. So you are not a pain - your are suffering in pain.

Going to work was great, you are right a victory. Self-med is a victory in store for tomorrow.

It is only insensitive people that can't be bothered to understand or put themselves out that say 'get over it'. I get very annoyed when that is said to me, because it means that person simply does not care. Nobody should ever say it to you.

Try to get some rest

Croix