Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

[Hanna3]

Hi all, apart from here and a brief visit to church last night (to make it feel Christmassy and to just be with people) I've had day after day for weeks now with nobody at all to talk to. This time of year especially it's really depressing. Old friends that live far away are gradually losing contact with me - I ring them but they don't ring me. I understand they're busy with their live elsewhere but still it's hard when you're lonely. I'm going to a Christmas Eve service at the local church tomorrow night to at least be with people for a little while... but otherwise all day I'm alone, just me and the dog. Sometimes I strike up a conversation on BB but then the other person disappears and that's the end of that...

How are people meant to cope with prolonged periods of social isolation? I read, I watch DVDs, normally I'd go for long walks with the dog but thick smoke from bushfires and intense hot weather have stopped that. I go to a café alone sometimes. Any ideas/help?

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty and Paws and everyone

Yes a lot of movies are made from books!  Our library here has a superb collection of movie dvds and music cds, plus I like to actually possess rare music and movies, particularly old Australian ones as they are not regularly shown on netflix and they are worth preserving.  I still play cds in my car, I know several people who have purchased new cars and are most upset they can no longer play favourite cds as the cars now have no players!

I don't mind horse racing myself, I have been riding since a young girl and I've ridden race horses and gone to watch horse racing almost as long as I can remember - the horses love it, they are born to run fast.  It's horrible when one breaks a leg, I don't particularly like the Melbourne Cup for that reason, there is too much at stake in winning and they run so hard.  Otherwise, factory farming is far crueller.  Race horses are looked after and cared for, the treatment of factory farms, intensive farming is horrible.  The cattle and sheep transports I pass by on the roads here are dreadful, frightened animals with no shelter from sun or rain, no water to drink.  

I have been watching a doco about Banksy, who did street art in New York, to protest animal transport he (they - it's more than one person) hired a truck and filled it with toy animals looking out and drove it around New York.  It was brilliant.

No snow here all winter.  Sam had a glorious swim in the river and just had a bath.  I am now exhausted!   More later, oxoxox

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone

I agree, Remains of the Day is fabulous, but it does make me feel sad!  I have generally been picking out movies that are either very interesting or I guess happier to watch.  Our library has terrific DVD documentaries too, I have several on art (I am mad about Australian artists  - do you know John Russell's paintings at all Paws?  There is a doco on him, plus Raphael, Every Movie Tells a Story is another collection, and I have great composers and several ballet ones (I love ballet and opera!)  I also have The Beatles dvds documentary and the ones on Banksy, the street artist (thought to be several people, in fact probably a whole business).  The one in New York is fabulous and I have ordered Exit Through the Gift Shop from ebay as the library didn't have it.

Did you get into the other town & get your shopping done?  How are you and Woofa these days?  We are heading into warmer weather here, but I do dread summer heat.  Sam had a bath this afternoon, he now feels terrific and is clean and fluffy!

My elder friend in the city who got the rescue dog is very cranky and irritable these days.  Oddy enough she doesn't talk much about the little dog - it seems to be going well - but she is hard work on the phone she is so cranky all the time.  She has had some form of dementia for a long time, and I wonder if her husband''s death has worsened it - all the stress and shock and missing him.  

What are you reading these days Paws?  I haven't got to the other Macarthur book as I got distracted by the latest Hugh Mackay book, although it's a bit disappointing.  Sometimes he is good.  I was going to an author talk on what sounded like a fascinating piece of Australian history on Friday night, but it was cancelled due to not enough people attending - they think the 6pm time was the problem.  What a shame.

hugs from us here oxoxoo

[Hanna3]

I'm thinking what I got done today....

I did some quick grocery shopping and then drove to the river and took Sam for a good walk when he had a couple of swims.

Then I sat and had a coffee in the park with a widowed man I know who also sometimes walks his dog there.

Then I went home and had lunch and a bit of a rest.

Then I did some washing and hung it out.

I vacuumed the house.

I cleaned the washing machine.

I bathed Sam.

I played with Sam in the yard to help dry him off.

I had a cuppa, got Sam his dinner then hot mine.

Now it's 7.30pm and I'm finally sitting relaxing.

Phew. ☕🥧🥴

[mmMekitty]

Hi Hanna, busy, Hanna! I'm so glad to hear Sam is enjoying walks & swinms again, you are getting out, having casual conversations - sounds really good.

Is there anything wrong with simply being exhausted at the end of a busy day? 😸I rather think that might be what is supposed to help us live healthier lives. Just don't overdo it.

Hugzies to you & Sam. to the old man & the cranky woman with her new dog, too, if they would like. You could be onto something - death of hubby who was there &, I'm imagining, who she could talk to, lean on, who helped her as he could, now not there. Dementia itself, I understand, can effect mood. If she is aware of how her mind not working as well as it once did, it's really frustrating for her. My own memory causes me much frustration & makes me irritable. & I also feel I am not as swift in my mind either, & I feel I'm not comprehending thigns easily, & when my helper keeps on talking, one thing into the next, I am feeling pushed & shoved to keep up, & I am again, frustrated & get cranky with her. So, if this seems true with your friend, maybe just slow down, one thing at a time, with little gaps between what each says. It may be difficult to do, pausing longer before & after each of you speaks. But with practicce I think that could help.

I'm thinking, you care about her, because her crankiness hasn't stopped you talking to her. I wonder, do you think she would come for a visit to your place? Would the dogs get on well together? I just think, face to face conversations also might be better for her.

Oh, me, gotta go... more hugzies?

mmMekitty

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty and everyone

Yes I get out a lot, today I met an old friend for lunch at a nice Cafe.

My elderly friend is distressed following the death of her husband and her upset comes across as anger. I have known her since I was a child. She lives too far away to visit or for me to visit her, so we talk on the phone regularly. I feel sorry for her. 

There was no problem re my being tired after a busy day. I was simply noting how much I had got done and was pleased about it.

Often here I am simply chatting, it's not always about a problem. I have a lot of interests and sometimes like to talk about things.

Cheers. 

[Hanna3]

As I've said mmMekitty, there was no complaint from me about being tired after doing a good day's work. OK? I'm no stranger to hard work.

I do resent your implication I was complaining about it.

I am aware of how to talk to my elderly friend, thank you anyway. As I said, I have known her since childhood. I was merely venting.

Thanks. 

[ecomama]

Hey Hanna and the lovelies reading along, 

Hugs.
Hanna, hope it's okay that I bring this up here? Just ignore me if you want to, it's okay. 
Today I had to talk about my friend I've known since school because our last phone call (and probably the last 2y of phone calls if I'm honest) have been with her being soooo angry! It's like she's angry with ME and I haven't done anything at all. 
She lives many hours down south. I know she's dealing with a lot, 100%. 
I feel I can't bring it up with her at all. I don't want to hurt her already fragile feelings...and she's very ill... 

but it's hard copping the brunt of whatever she feels like regurgitating at me. 
So I haven't phoned for 2 months now. She hasn't contacted me either. Clearly we're just "leaving it alone" for now. 

IDK how to handle this friend. 
I'm losing friends mainly because we're all ageing and they've become ill and passed. 
It distresses me to think about it so I mainly DON'T. Just keep trying to hold space for them.... IDK what else to do. 

My Counsellor told me to get new friends... what a strange piece of advice IMHO. 
The last thing I want is MORE friends atm. 

PS: I'm glad you could hang washing on the clothes line, no chance of anything staying dry over in my world atm! Even the line under cover gets wet with strong winds.... ugh. 

Hope you're having a nice weekend and thankyou for your support on my thread too. It means a lot to me. 
Love EMxxxx

[Hanna3]

Sorry EM I just re-read your post. I hope the reply I wrote comes through. It sounds like her anger isn't really at you personally but is her general distress coming out. Perhaps because you're old friends she feels she can do this safely with you, but it's a bit tough on you!

I'd certainly reduce the phone chats for a while for your own sake. 

I have this elderly friend I speak to and let her vent and otherwise keep the call not too long, and I have a dear friend I can talk to on the phone for two hours at a time!

I think we need to grieve lost friendships. I like the ball in the box theory about managing grief, you can google it. I think losing a friend is really tough especially as we age.

I don't know if this is any help EM!

🌻🌻🌻

[Hanna3]

I don't know where the first part of my reply is, EM. It's seems to have been eaten by gremlins.

Your counsellor's suggestion was not helpful! Old friends are gold.

I'd say your friend isn't angry at you, she's upset about whatever is going wrong. Can you speak to her gently about how you're feeling?

Otherwise I think keeping the calls brief and further apart is all you can do to protect yourself EM.

I'm sorry I don't know where my first reply has gone. 🌻🌳🌼💞🐩💐

[Hanna3]

Hi. MmMekitty

Sorry I snapped at you, BB forums can be tricky because there's only typeface and no voice or facial expression.

• I've had so many women be nasty since I moved to this town, I've never come across so many bitchy women as there are in here! I think it's because they all grew up together here, where I lived before wasn't like that. I've become over-sensitive as a result of constant rejection here. Plus all I ever had from my family is constant criticism, I'm never good enough. That's been all my life. So I can a bit thin-skinned as a result.
• I don't why this has gone onto point for and tiny print