Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear, Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩, Paws, Kitty,  Fiatlux, Eagle Ray,, and everyone…🤗

Yes, thank you I have worked out how to use my new washing machine…my old broken one was also a dial/ button type machine….This new one doesn’t have an agitator in the middle of the washing bowl…looks so different then my other one….at first I thought they forgot to put it in 😁…

Fiatlux, I had a time when I thought the same about no one noticing if I’m not around…I only go out on my volunteer days the other 4 days I’m mostly inside my house…Because my friend is elderly, I try to ring her every day that we don’t work to check on her….if I don’t ring she rings me….If we don’t hear from each other at all on one day, we usually go to visit, just to make sure….

Deebi, I’ll ring the hospital next week to change shoulders…amongst other things they are doing a full rotation of my shoulder….I will be off work for around 6 to 8 weeks…my neighbour Mrs nsc said she will help me with meals and my fur girls, Betty said she will help with cleaning etc….and both said they will do my shopping for me if I give them a list….I should be okay……Thank you for loving me Deebi…..hope you know I love you too 💜🔮🍀..we’ve been bbff’s now for nearly 7 years….how good is that…💜🦋🌹🌈.

I feel very sad about…I’ll call her Kay, her son also had cancer and passed away 2 days after Kay did…he didn’t know his mum passed…A few people are saying it was a blessing she passed first…so she wouldn’t feel the devastating hurt of loosing her son….Kay’s poor daughter lost her mother and brother in a couple of days…My heart goes out to her so much…

I often think of being put under….I mean if something goes wrong with my heart and I don’t wake up….then that’s okay I guess….at least I won’t be in pain anymore…physically and mentally…I’m tired of my life, I haven’t really done much over the past 11 years since hubby passed…my children are grown and have there own families…idk I haven’t been happy in such a long time…feeling lonely and sad a lot…life’s not supposed to be like this….or is it?

Enough, of feeling sorry for myself….I wish so much that my ugly depression would take a long hike and leave me alone…it never goes, always hangs around, ready to strike anytime and any place it feels to….for some reason this is the life I’ve been given…I read that we should accept our life, our depression our flaws but honestly I’m tied of it!

I need a hug, so in my heart and imagination I’m hugging you all together..I think group hugs would be so good…never had one before…

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy…

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 & everyone 🖐

Dear lady first up here’s a heartfelt lonnng lasting hug 🤗 that you can have for as long as you need it sweet lady. 

Thank you too for loving me. Over 7yrs we’ve covered a lot of emotions struggles laughs creativity tears and depth haven’t we. It really isn’t hard to love you.

You’ve been dealt such terrible hands yet you’ve remained such a beautiful caring loving person. 

It’s incredibly sad the circumstances that Kay (nice you put a name to that lovely lady, it feels more personal for her) and then her son passing so soon after. They’re together now free of pain 🕊️RIP 🕊️

Ahh darlin you sound SO sad 💗 Fed up with good reason. Physical pain is more than enough let alone mental pain and anguish on top gets way too much to bear doesn’t it. My 💜 goes out to you darlin.

Hun I meant to say. anaesthetic is ok lovey we go to sleep in a matter of a short few seconds and the next thing we know we’re awake again that seems like a few seconds ago. 
The best place to be if anything like as you mentioned … Oh please heart keep going 🥺 is they’re all there on hand to look after you and aware of what you have going on. 

Hymm … nah darl, the first thoughts that came to mind when you said you haven’t done much since hubby died is what you have and continue to do helping the community being a champion here same when you weren’t you’ve supported SO many people. 
You give your heart & time helping the community volunteering at the op shop and look how many hurdles you’ve jumped and yet stuck both out. Commendable.
You got through to a very hardened lady (Mrs nsc) which took enormous strength and courage  showing her kindness to which she’s returning…how beautiful. 
You’re a true friend to Betty and to anyone lucky enough including moi 💜 Love hearing youse looking out for each other. 

People…many… love you. You earn that.

Grandy they say it’s ok to feel emotions. Jury’s out on that one but I kinda get it too. 

Don’t give up hun… please. You’ve  come so far. Really hard not to I know 🤗 but you are stronger  than beasty. You’re still here thank goods. It is incredibly hard I know and relentless at times. What helps me is knowing from experience we’ll get through.

The world needs people like you, we do.

We’re here darl…anytime 🫶

Really do love you very much dear friend and yes thank you I know you me  too 💜🤗💗🦋💭🕊️🌈😇💪

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dear Grandy,

Sorry, ah wait a tic, ahh there... now I've managed to squish myself in & join Deebi in giving you a verrrrry long loving hug.

Lass you have achieved so much since your husband passed.  All the wonderful things Deebi reminded you of & most importantly, you have rebuilt a loving connection to two of your sons & their families.  That is such a blessing not just for you, but for them & your much loved grandkids.  I love how even just in the few years I've known you the closeness with your boys has grown & flowered into something very loving.

It must be hard for Kay's daughter to lose both her mum & brother together.  But it would also be, in a way, a relief for her that they are now both no longer in pain.

I wish I could pop over to yours for a cuppa in r/l.  We could sit on your verandah & each tell our depression to take a hike with the other & give us a break.  I will bring a lovely chocolate velvet cake & some yummy liver treats for your furs & visit you in my mind.  We can sit & admire your gum tree across from you & sprinkle cake crumbs for the birds. 

More 🐻 hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy,

I’m happy to squeeze in too and share a supportive group hug with you 🤗 You are so kind to everyone and deserve loving, kind hugs. I completely agree with Deebi and Paws that the contribution you bring here is a huge achievement and that you have done much that is meaningful in the last 11 years, including the work you do at the shop too. I think sometimes we don’t fully realise what we’ve achieved, especially when we’ve emerged out of difficulty and it’s been a struggle at times.

That sounds like a good idea to ring the hospital. It would be good to let them know the difference you are experiencing between the two shoulders. It does seem to make sense that if the left one is worse with less range of motion that working on that one first would make things a bit easier. I have been under a few times and it’s always been fine. You quickly go under and then find yourself waking up again and it feels like no time has passed. You can feel a little groggy for a bit afterwards but they will look after you in the hospital and it’s great you have some support for when you come home.

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend Kay and her son. That is so incredibly hard for her daughter.

Take care Grandy and you have a support team here looking out for you.

Hugs,

ER

[Fiatlux]

Hello Grandy and all beautiful people here,

I don’t want to exclude anyone but today I received a lovely early Mother’s Day pressie from of course my Daughter and Son in Law. It’s a beautiful heart, a little Pocket Hug that is inscribed with…

Here’s a little pocket hug, for when I can’t be there. Just hold it in your hand and know how much I care 🫶❤️

So from me to you all, have a lovely week. Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[Eagle Ray]

That’s beautiful Fiatlux 🥰 That’s something you can draw on any time you feel the need for that care and love from your daughter and son-in-law. A pocket hug is such a lovely thought. Their spirit is with you.

May you have a lovely week too 🙏

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

Please accept one virtual hug (virtual hugs are reusable whenever needed)

With affection

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin bbff 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and to all the lovely people here and reading 🖐

Just popping in for a nice long cuppa…hey howzabout a Tia Maria 🧉 couldn’t find the proper glass so thought we could slurp outta this lovely coconut shell …struth looks like a bomb from a distance but that’ll choof beasty off at least. 

When you’re ready sweet pea and it doesn’t have to be right now of course would very much like to know how you’re travelling sweetyheart. Come here darlin and join our circle of warmth care and love with this long lasting hug 🤗 

I know life’s really slamming atm. Damned hard work isn’t it!
Always believe Grandz …because it’s true …U R stronger than your pain.

This isn’t a permanent but it sure feels like it won’t change aye.
Eventually we do lift back up. We know this from wayyy too much experience.

Dunno exactly how. Maybe various reasons including better sleep being huge, less physical pain could even be the weather or something inside just says ….ENOUGH!… recently this helped me quite a lot. I got to the point of having a gut full feeling so low.

The constant battle of not allowing all the negative thoughts keeping me down is when it’s all so overwhelming and consuming. 
That’s that buried strength rising. It’s still there sweety. It sounds like you’re starting to access that too. Keep going darlin 💜🦋💗 

You know what I’m sure many people will remember is when dear Sapphire told us what her psychologist said…”Do the opposite to what depression tells us”. 
I remind myself as often as po about the goods in our lives. That’s a sure positive to counteract beasties rot. 

Please Grandy…PubAok. I believe and feel relief when you say you’re coping to a degree. We have to win hun. We don’t deserve and certainly don’t need this cruel pain!

Apart from constant thoughts about you when it rains I think oh Grandy would love this.

Recently I had a bad back out hun it was really rough…pinching nerve pain on top of the rest. Wicked hard. So rapt it eased off after a few days.  

Sending a single bubble which increases size depending what your wishes are for when you touch it to release its goodies. 
My first gift inside is A Golden Peace dove 🕊️ which will cuddle up, coo and give you a sense of peace. 
What else is in there?…anyone’s welcome to join in 😊

Really love you darlin 💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤝🫶😌🧚‍♀️💭💭💭💭

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy,

I would like to add to Deebi’s gift bubble a few penguins who will waddle about and entertain you with their cuteness. If you are feeling low they will do a little dance routine to cheer you up. They make cute little penguin noises too and will comfort you.

Sending penguin cuddles 🤗🐧

[HappySheep]

Dear Grandy, you don't know me well and I'm quite shy so I won't offer you a hug unless you want one.

But I did want to reach out as one of the many people who  love to hear your voice on these forums to remind you that you have helped so many of us with your posts, your check-ins and your care.

Yours has been one of the voices of consistency that those of us newbies and people in crisis can reach out to - just knowing people like you are here on these forums is a great help. Please don't underestimate the effect you have on others.

Now it's your turn to need some support - it sounds like you are having a hell of a mix of horrors all at once. Please know that I am here (virtually) to sit with you or hold your hand will all these other friends, to support you as you travel through this bleak period.