Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[quirkywords]

Grandy glad you were ready to be open and learn a lesson. 

[mmMekitty]

Hehehehe Let's all be walruses for Hallowe'en!

Talking about anything, the Jacarandas are blooming - blooming lovely deep lavender near me. If I lay down here, under the branches long enough, (a few hours ought to do it), I will be totally covered in a lavender blanket of Jacaranda flowers. Maybe one will get into my nose & I'll sneeze & have a cloud of lavender Jacaranda flowers spreading out from me!

Thinking of you, Grandy, wondering how yu are????

Hugzies to you & everyone

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful Grandy and our lovely friends ‌🙂‌

Sweetyheart if I posted every time I thought of you there wouldn’t be any room left for other good people here to talk to you. Sorry lovey for being gone so long but truly please know you really are numerous times daily in my ‌🗯‌. Truth lovely

Geez I hope your shoulders are holding up and not giving you too much grief esp that if pain is interfering with our soul food …sleep.
From memory the R) one has/is giving pain. Was the L) that was worse if memory serves and is holding thanks to the needles. I’d think because you would have favoured the R is why the pain more so but with luck that you certainly need a big dose of that ones holding. 

Hoping too that works going well Grandz I love hearing about your interactions with regular people you’re getting to know.. I’ve no doubt for them too it’d be nice seeing you. It doesn’t have to be much to improve a day in people’s lives does it. A friendly chat or hi can do the trick. You’ve come so far huns. Rapt for you lovey. 

Oh Oh …lol loved you saying that, often get a buzz from that, how you introduced our famous fun bag ‌👜‌ full of adventure laughs pleasure & anything we want from it. Fun creating isn’t it.

Soo…. the other day after I realised the parachute had a hole in it on my way down to the 467th floor and landed with quite a thud 😵, the doctors say my headache ‌🤕‌ should stop in about 5 yrs btw, I started rummaging through and spotted a single marble…there was something about it that caught my eye…apart from it beaming an amazing Gold spray of beams that seemed to pulsate with each breath I was mesmerised by the colours and pattern inside.

It’s a star Grandy with 7 points. Each one illuminates a vibrant colour. I’m drawn to the rich Red one. Which one catches your eye and for anyone reading this it’d be nice to hear 🙂

I thought recently to think of 3 things that have/will give pleasure or gratitude, guiding our thoughts to good ones from the past present or to look forward to. 

Gold made me think of the Sun…going for a walk with Mr Deebi ‌😍‌ seeing natures beauty in all forms houses cars, a quick smile & hi to peeps.

Red reminded me of the gorgeous colour of some cars.

Our bag of pleasure sparked memories of untold 😂 exploring endless possibilities. A lot of fun

.

Our beautiful Grandy I always want you to know happiness & have peace in your life huns. RUOK? 🤗
When you’re up to a reply sweet it’s far from easy often isn’t it. 
Always love dear friend 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty, Croix, Quirky, Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone….

Thank you all so much for your caring posts…

Mentally I’ve not been doing so great…a couple of weeks ago something that I was a witness too, hurt deeply and triggered all sorts of different emotions in me making me really emotional and just reading posts on the forums had me in tears…I’m starting to feel more able to be here…seeing bad things can have a way of hurting so much, as we all know…then trying hard to get the scenario out of our thoughts….well out of my mind and tthoughts…is hard at times for me….it just completely took over me and constantly tormented me…reminded me…of things that happened to me….but this wasn’t me, yet it felt like it was all happening to me over again….I wish we had a magic eraser that could erase everything we want to forget…..

I am now officially part of the conference and can start doing conference work, which I think I am looking forward to…There’s so much involved in becoming a part of the welfare side of Vinnies…I had no idea….had I known, I probably wouldn’t have even considered it…but it’s all done now and I’m so pleased I did it…and I was a suitable person to join…

I need to get showered and ready for work now…so I’ll hopefully be able to pop back into the forums and chat to you all…

Hugs to all you beautiful and caring people…

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hello Grandy, & everyone,

Warm & gentle hugs to you, Grandy.

It really is rotten when something we see, something heard or read, can bring the memories & feelings all to the surface again, as if no time has passed at all.

For me, much as I'd like, it's too unrealistic to think we could ever wish it all away.

It's okay to be upset, cry, get angry, feel whatever feelings you happen to feel.

Now you know some ways to give yourself the care & compassion you didn’t know then. It’s good you know enough to take some time away from BB when you recognise what you are reading is too much & affecting your mental health. It’s quite alright to set limits & boundaries around how you interact with BB.

I am so pleased, with a bouquet, to congratulate you on your new role with the conference work you are taking on. Well done! I’m sure they are very selective about who they have doing this work - & you are qualified. I’m so proud of you.

I hope you were able to focus on your work & that you came home feeling tired but happy, having done a good day’s work.

Hugzies to you & furs, & everyone.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hello Grandy, DB & everyone

Hoping you are feeling better, Grandy, that the turbulent thoughts & feelings are subsiding again.

About the colours, DB, I like so many colours it's hard to think which one I am drawn to most, even as my eyesight deteriorates & what I see in front of me is more contaminated by the random colours my mind produces & washes over everything. I'm most sure of bright colours, the more vivid the better, except that vivid sky blue is rather irritating, so I don't look at clear blue skies much without my dark lensed glasses on. That doesn't mean I don't like vivid blue, though. When in shops I will spot bright colours & immediately wonder what that thing so brightly coloured is. Fluro colours, especially fluro pink, & if it was more common, I love fluro purple. Iridescent colours are fascinating, such as when abird wing catches the light just right & a pretty turquoise , green or blue shines towards you, or in opals, bubbles & even oil slicks.

At the moment, I am enjoying every glimpse I see of the deep lavender of Jacaranda trees in bloom. It's more difficult for me to see while travelling in a car, but fortunately, I have a tree right out the front of the bunch of units where I ive & another in a little park up the road - maybe I'll visit there this coming Thursday, after a blood test I am having. I'll be well & truly wanting breakfast by then.

I hope you are keeping well, too, DB.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grady, wave to all,

Lass I'm sorry to hear you have been having such a rough time of it. I've been limiting the threads I respond to for most of this year, just following the ones of people I have come to know over the years on here as I don't have enough strength to cope with more than that for now. I have also been staying off bb for a few days at a time, whenever I feel the need to. I think we need to exercise this type of self care as we are no use to anyone if we are forcing ourselves to try to deal with more than we are currently able. I know I would feel terrible if I thought anyone felt pressured to reply to something I've posted & I do believe most people on here feel the same.

Congratulations on now being part of the conference side of things. Whoo hoo I think we should celebrate with yummy  🍹🍫 🎉🍰 & a bouquet of 💐 bright dazzling butterfly flowers just for you.

Big hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey bbbf 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 and all lovely people & friends here 🤗

Dear Grandy what an ordeal reliving horror memories you poor love 🤗 and I imagine having empathy too for what you witnessed. I’m very sorry you have so much pain & terrible memories from your life and yet as I always say they didn’t break your kind caring beautiful spirit. 
You’re safe now beautiful friend and away from that cruelty 🤗

Im sorry lovey I read this earlier but not here till now. Definitely in my heart and thoughts sweet lady.

How are you going darlin?

Thats fantastic news about the welfare side of it all. Congratulations Huns. I have no doubt you’ll be an asset as you are now good lady. Well done champ 🙂

We’ve been walking most days Grandy I like it being out amongst it and we can and do walk by the water it’s lovely. Yachts make a water scene don’t they. It was easier the other day walking to Coles, further because we’ve started getting stronger walking but still a long way.

So often I think about you Grandy daily and our verandah stars trees birdies and beautiful friendship. I am sorry being slack here I’ll change that, apart from you my bbff there’s people I care about very much about here. How would they know if I don’t stay in touch eh.

Know beautiful friend you mean so much to me and many here I know too. You really are appreciated and loved deeply. Be gentle and kind to yourself you really do deserve that. 
Deep love dear girl 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨💜 always darlin 💭🧚🏼‍♂️

Kitty good hearing from you always is. Thanks darl. Catch youse near future lovelies 🤗🍫💗💭🌸

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone….🤗..

Thank you for your caring posts, so sorry I haven’t been back here for a while, I was pretty messed up in my head over the past month….have had to reach out for help with mental health and been in counselling the past couple of weeks, I’m starting to manage better then I have been, it’s been an awkward and hard few weeks….I have been feeling extremely emotional and 

[Ggrand]

accidentally pressed reply….and have totally lost what I was going to write here…..sorry….I’ll be back later…

Take care everyone…hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍👩 Grandy..