Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey there dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and y/our lovely friends & readers 😊

Darlin just popping in as I do often to see if you've posted but thought this time I can say G'day have a cuppa with everyone on your verandah with the gorjy furs and share many hugs laughs memories and great convo. 

Thinking about you all the time hun. So how's the poor arms going lovey and your mh too. I worry cause I know it's such a hard battle and independence being interrupted is such a trial too. I really hope you're managing ok sweet lady. 

I'm so pleased you're going to physio, not only to strengthen, ut at least gives you an out which no doubt would be hard for you but to make up for not working atm I know that'd be really hard on you darlin. U ok? having some out of the house time amongst hopefully nice people would be a plus. Well that's what I'm hoping anyway.

I imagine it's been pretty cold where you are hun. IT's not been too bad here so far though we have a doona and blanky it is getting a bit cooler. Sounds rugged where you are brrrr. 

Ok sweet thing I'm going to flutter off now and play some internet stuff that I do. 

Love you very much dear friend 💜 I'm often checking in on you sweety truth. 

PubAOK and everyone for that matter 😊🤗💫🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩  and everyone….🤗.

Thank you for your supportive posts..

Idk, everything is an effort…I’m so very much over this pain…I want my old self back again…I want to wake up pain free, be able to dress myself in 5 minutes not an hour, comb my hair without hurting, I want to be able to pick up my tea and sugar containers with ease and not debate with myself if it’s worth the trouble of having a cup of tea….my toe nails could be entered into the Guinness book of records, 😁 they are so long and I can’t cut them….I can’t do much of anything right now….I’m so hoping and praying that on Thursday the pain relief injection gives me a lot longer relief then the last lot did…because that’s all the injections I’m allowed to have in my shoulders…We take our bodies for granted until something goes wrong…..Surgery could be weeks, months or even years away….I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and being scared to do things, I need to accept what’s happening and try to live my life the best I can…There are so many people dealing with a lot worse pain then I’m going through…

Croix, I have talked to my Dr about stronger pain meds, she’s reluctant to prescribe them to me….i might talk to the pain relief Dr. maybe he can help..if someone can help control this pain, I’ll be so grateful..

Paws, I feel ashamed to ask someone to help clean my home…I took hours, but I did sweep my front veranda and took away the cobwebs that I could….It looks presentable now….I done my shopping online last week..The lawn mowing man did my laws on Tuesday, my yard looks clean and tidy now….I’m having trouble with changing gears on my car again…Betty is driving me to the hospital on Thursday…

Deebi, Yes it been cold here, 2 days of under 9 degrees…not been doing much sitting outside, I thought of putting my small electric heater on, which I’ve done before outside😂..so I’ll get it out and we’ll sit and have that cuppa with you, wrapped up in a blanky each of course…Thinking of you daily, with lots of love and sss care…💙👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗 hoping you’re doing okay, also hoping everyone else is doing okay as well….

Hugs, love and caring thoughts everyone..❤️🤗🌈🚂..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[Croix]

Dear Grandy,

I know the hassle with toe nails, it might not sound like much but is very inconvenient and also hard on socks. MY GP put me on a GP Supervised Medical Plan for those that have chronic conditions. in my case the benefits include subsidized podiatry 5 times a year. I do not know if you are eligible or on one already, but if so that can be a great help.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hey there Mrs Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👨 Croixy 🐧Pawsy kitty and all 🤗

Ahh not much chop being in any sort of pain is it darl, wether mental or physical that both work on eachother it's very hard to live with. 
I'm so glad the needles aren't too far off hun and I imagine they'd give as much relief as the first time round. Well let's hope so. Nearly the beginning of another week Grandz, Thursday will be here before you know it.

😂your toe nails entering the guiness book of records, oh you crack me up. Yes agreed it's a hard deal. Sometimes I can just manage otherwise I ask for help. Yes a Croixy mentioned that I must do is get on a mh plan for a podiatrist too.

Good girl getting the verandah cleared, I bet that made you feel brighter. A jobby that we can't get to when it's done can be quite uplifting can't it. Well done darl.

Hope you can get some better pain meds lovey it'll make a big difference in your life you poor love.

So glad the lawn bloke does them I know that use to pull you down a lot. Must be nice knowing they're under control. 

Oh that does sound lovely with our blankys and the heater on the verandah, yikes going to need it by the sounds but that'll be lovely time spent. 

Hope you're managing better sleep these days sweety, geez it makes such a difference to our mh. That and energy which comes through more with good sleep. 

Ok dear Grandy I'll continue keeping an 👀 or two in this case on you. Always bestys Grandz with so much love and care 🤗💫👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Croix,Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,  and everyone…

Thank you so much Croix, I will definitely ask my Dr about some type of plan to help me with personal hygiene until I’m back to being able to do things for myself..

Only 2 more days until I get my cortisone injections…never thought I’d say this about needles but I’m so looking forward to them….my knees seem to be improving with physio…which I’m very grateful for….

I called into work after physio today, had a cuppa with Betty and the other 2 workers there today…it was good seeing them…I am missing going to work so much…staying at home has its benefits in Winter…(not getting up early) but I really am struggling with not doing anything productive…also the change in my routine since I started there around 7 years ago…Life can be so hard at times, but all in all we are very resilient creatures…and continue to plod along daily the best we can…taking each day as it comes and trying to get through what life gives us for that day…is all we can do…

Its raining here today, which I like….rain brings me comfort and a sense of safety…no people noise outside, just the sound of birds every uso often, no dogs barking because no one is walking around…and the pitta patta of the rain falling on my roof…so peaceful..

Take care of yourselves everyone the best you can….it’s so important to do that…

Deebi, I do hope that you’re doing well..pubaok my bbff..💙🌹🤗💎🦋🍀…love you lots…that will never change….💎🚜….

Oh did I tell you, I have purchased another vehicle for us…What do you think of it 🚂..You, me and all our friends here at BB can all jump onto it and drive around the BB Cafe….looking at the all the beautiful gardens and trees….

Sending my love to everyone..along with some hugs and my care..❤️🤗🌹🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey there beautiful friend to many 👩‍❤️‍👩 & everyone too

Well darlin here’s hoping these needles give you the same relief you gladly had before. Geez I hope so lovey it’s been a long haul hasn’t it hun. Poor thing. It’s true we take so much for granted like getting up dressed easily etc. I’m hopeful it won’t be too long and you’ll have that again Grandy love.

Great your knees are responding well to physio. Crikey you have enough going on without that scary stuff as well.

Yes it would be quite a different routine now lovey. Wow 7 yrs that’s a long time. Good for you. Nearish future darl you’ll have a new routine with the other part of Vinnies. I know you’re looking forward to that. 

Love that u went for a cuppa would have been good seeing the girls too I imagine. Yeah be nice not getting up early. True you saying about us being resilient.

😂 ahh loven our new set of wheels wow there’s plenty of room in there too. Hope everyone loved our boat through the cafe…ahh what a funny memory Grandy geez it made me laugh.

We’ve had so many fun times amidst our pain we’ve had so many laughs. Good fun. 

Wasnt 100% lately darl but better now thanks sweetly. 
Found out yesterday we’ll be moving again dammit. Got till Nov. Bummer. Families going to move in. 
Our dear friend now has a new place too.

Hope although I know you enjoy rain that you’ve also had some sunshine darlin friend with warmth and light sent your way. 

You too darl pubAok love you deeply dear friend. Always 👀 you with care and good energy sent virtually through our special 💫 bbff chain.

🌈🍭🚂💜 Always wanting good for you darlin friend 🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
 

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy & all,

My post never got posted, nor saved so I might have tried again ... I wanted to say how lovely to have a new vehicle 🚂 for us all to enjoy. Thank yo, Grandy. It's so much fun. Do we all get a turn at driving?

I'm hopeful you had your injections again, further advice, something to help you with the pain in future, & that you will have some good sleep tonight.

Big gentle Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,  mmMeKitty and everyone….🤗..

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and caring posts…

I had my injections yesterday, they were different from the first lot…these one were done with a cat scan…They drew crosses on my skin to know where to place the injections…this lot went directly into my shoulder joints…Wow did this lot hurt so much😢….I told him to please leave my other shoulder alone…I didn’t want to do it…..but he said please be brave, you can do this…..okay, I was brave and got both done…..Did I say it hurt?……They pumped some steroids and other stuff into my joints…poor Dr doing was struggling so hard to press the steroids in, that his arms were actually shaking…when I asked him why?..he said that the bones being so close makes it very difficult to get it in…..Dr told me I would be in pain for a few days, take otc pain relief for those 3 days and to do light exercises…in other words continue my daily chores….so the steroids get into all areas of my joints….This lot of injections are only done if the first lot don’t work….it’s invasive to the body….in saying all that..I’m feeling a lot less pain today then I have for a long time….God I hope so much this lot works long term….

Deebi, I’m sorry to hear that you have to move, I know how much you liked living their…prayer for you that you find a place in an area that you like…Please try hard to not stress over it…..Talk here or you place anytime you feel up to it….💕💙💎🌹🚂👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🥰..much love and thoughts dearest bbff..

mmMeKitty, I went to bed at 8pm last night and slept through until 4.30am…got up went to the loo, took some pain relief and went back to bed until 8am….Of course we all can drive the new 🚂…lessons to drive it only take 3.675 seconds😂….We all can have some fun…Thank you so much mmMeKitty for your kindest and time…I read on yours that you’ve had a few nightmares, I’m so sorry sweetheart, Yes, I agree that listening to audio books/sleep stories can help stop them, because our minds and thoughts are what we are listening to, and not on past trauma that seems to pop into our head when we try to sleep…really do appreciate you so much…love and my care dear sweet friend..❤️🌹🍀🦋🌈..

My love, hugs and care to everyone…💙❤️🦋🌈🌹🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Grandy I hope you will be pain free soon.

you help so many people on the forum and I. Your life.

You are so caring  and kind 

[mmMekitty]

Dear Grandy, brave is good. I'm proud of you, taking a risk, trusting the doc, asking him questions, too. As I recall, doing these things hasn't been easy for you, so I am super proud of you for being able to accept the treatment & asking questions & getting the information you need.

It makes sense to me for you to do your 'light exercise' (please don't go lifting heavy things), moving the joints to help the meds get into every nook & cranny.

I'm glad to hear you had a good sleep. Have you felt that getting more sleep helps your mood during the day? I think it does, even if the amount I sleep is not so much, just not awake all hours or so eratic as has been the case for many years.

No, I haven't been getting nightmares - that's not how I describe 99.99% of my dreams anyway, even the unpleasant ones. I did have a rather emotional dream the other morning, which was startling to me, but no, I wouldn't even call that one a nightmare.

I've had a couple which were filled with awful things happening - those were nightmares I had many years ago.

Let my own thoughts ramble where they will & they will go around & around, or into things I'd rather not think about before sleep or I won't sleep. The thoughts can get very emotional, too, which will also keep me from sleep.

& having any pain & discomfort in my bodies can also keep me from sleep.

My tinnitus annoys me enough to hinder sleep, as well as how my eyesight, the damage caused by glaucoma, my brain trying to randomly compensate by making what are called 'phosphenes' light up, lighter, dimmer, moving, swirling, spotty, various colours, it's hard to describe. I can become sort of fixated on what I'm seeing but somehow, the fact it seems like light & movement doesn't help me sleep.

So the audiobooks are a distraction from all these things.

Hi DB

From what you wrote, you don't have a choice but to move? I'm sorry about that.  & family will be living with you, too? & a dear friend having a new place ... sorry, I'm a little confused about exactly what's going on - except, you don't like it.

Grandy, I may need another 1.852 seconds to include learning where everything is, & then learning to drive. That's a total of 5.527 seconds. Do we have time? After all, I need .37 seconds for lunch, please.

Hugzies

mmMekitty