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Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..
5,647 Replies 5,647

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty, Paws and everyone…..🤗


Thank you so much for your posts..

I had a busy and tiring day on Wednesday, at the hospital finding out what’s causing all the pain around my shoulders and arms…

 

The specialists found out from all the tests I had that I have…both shoulders have rotor cuff tears….and still attached….left Bursa Sac is inflamed….both arms my Bicep muscles are frayed where attached to the bones…..and diagnosis is also Bi Lateral Adhesive Capsulitis…(frozen shoulders, both)…Surgeon said extremely rare to have both shoulders frozen…..I will be having cortisone shots in both arms on the 5/5..then again on the 5/6..to try to reduce all the swelling going on inside my shoulders and arms…as well as help with my pain….Once the swelling has settled a bit, I’ll be going in for surgery on my left arm first…as I’ve not got much movement at all in it, without extreme pain….the surgeon said that the surgery will be to scrape away spurs and bone tissue around the ball and socket part of my shoulder to free it all up….so I still have nearly 2 weeks of this pain to get through until the cortisone shot….which I might add..I’m terrified of needles…and don’t know how I’m going to handle the actual day….already I’m having sceneries about that….fear of getting the cortisone shots verses the pain I’ve had and am going through right now…I hope my fear of needles looses this battle of my mind that’s been going on since Wednesday….has anyone ever had a cortisone shot…if so was it really as painful as I’ve been led to believe by second hand information….I’m getting one in each arm on the same day….😢..

 

I am not going too good mentally, the pain, not sleeping and unable to do things have brought me down…as well as weight gain because I’m not doing anything…and comfort eating….my house not being as clean as I like it….having to get my hair cut, because I can’t comb or even wash it properly to keep it looking neat….is making me really sad…that’s happening on Monday🥲…

 

When, if ever is life going to be good to me?…

 

My love, hugs and care everyone….💙❤️🤗🌹🦋👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

 

Hope so much your doing okay bbff….lots of love, hugs and  💭 ..💙🦋🌹..precious friend..I’ll pop over to yours soon…

 

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Grandy

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, all the pain, the diagnoses, the treatment, with your fears & anxieties too.

It sounds scary to me too.

I can tell you, I once had problems with one of my elbows, & the cortisone injected there was briefly painful, but not like the pain of my elbow - & I am sure it was not nearly so painful as what you have going on in your shoulders & arms. I've said before, I have had bursitis, for sure in my right shoulder, (maybe my left during the previous year too, undiagnosed, but sure seemed the same as the right.) Yes, that itself is painful, but I was convinced not like having a frozen shoulder. How having frozen shoulders limits you is very real, needs treatment, & I gather, sooner the better. It is necessary to get the swelling down, (as the surgeon said), to get them moving again. I am in no doubt it will be difficult.

I won't kid you & say you will breeze through it. You are anxious & afraid. You can dig in deep for the resources you have to help yourself with the stress of it all. Doing whatever you can to distract yourself. especially on the days you are at the hospital, will help.

I'm thinking, have someone with you, who can talk to you, who (if you can) will hold your hand, & thereby give you something to aim your attention to.

When I go to the dentist, I will wiggle my feet, clench & unclench my hands, focusing on my limbs instead of my mouth & what the dentist has to do. It's not 100%, so I listen to the music they have, too. If I could have music via earphones that would be better. I also need to focus on my breathing. That could be important for you too.

As my PDr explained, when we slow & control, deeply breathing slowly, as regular as we can, that in itself will help the mind & body to feel calmer, helping us with the anxiety & fears. I don't find it easy, which means it takes a lot of concentration & focus. That's okay, since I want something else to focus on.

Now, I would tell treating doctors when I am anxious & about my fears. They may be able to allay my fears & ease the anxiety with some sound information. Good info helps to keep the thoughts & imagination under control. You could have some facts to argue against the thoughts & feelings. That's something Ireally like to do.

I'll talk again soon.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Paw Prints
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Oh Lass you really are in the wars aren't you, you poor thing.... I'm pleased you finally have answers as to what is wrong & more importantly a plan to fix things for you.

 

Of course you are anxious about it all, mmMeKitty has some great ideas for coping with your nerves... lass I'm terrified of the needles that dentists use & will avoid going to the dentist for most things, but when the pain in my mouth is so bad that it affects everything, then I can make myself go by reminding myself that by enduring the needle I can then look forward to an end to the pain even though it will still take some time. 

 

You are strong enough to get through this... I believe in you

 

Gentle hugs

Paws

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Grandy

So sorry about all the pain youhave to endure. I hope it improves soon. Do you find any music distracting. It sounds awful.

thinking of you. 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Grandy

Comfort food is a short-term go-to, like putting on a band aid, trying to cover up some feelings, or to mitigate them in some way, but often leaves us feeling worse for having reached for the comfort food. 

Hard as it is, I think it's good to acknowledge your feelings. At this time these are your feelings. No need to justify them or excuse them, just accept this is where you are at now. You can have a cry, yell or kick a cushion, whatever helps you express these feelings.

You've got two shoulders & arms not functioning, yet you expect yourself to be more active, doing what you usually would do? That seems a little unfair to expect of yourself.

I don't know what your hair is like, but I can tell you about mine. I've got fine hair, no fullness & was never a rich colour either.

Now, I'm on a med I must have for another 9 years, which seems to be causing more hair to fall out. or it's that I'm aging. My hair was breaking easily before & looked ragged. I realised it wouldn't grow long like I wanted.

so, I've had to accept having shorter hair. It's still gets ragged. It's greying, but seems more like silver, so that's okay. As it thins, I'm wondering if I'll have my "old lady's" grey hair before it all falls out. That's how it seems.

I feel cheated. I can't see it much. I always wondered what it would be like when I was old, because I had not known what my mother's hair was like as she aged, & my father was bald early. Now it's falling out, & my eyesight is so bad.

Nothing to do for it but accept.

When I returned home from surgery in Jan 2021, I couldn't reach to wash & comb my hair. I needed help with that. It was one of the more difficult things to have to accept.

Fortunately, one of my support workers was a kind & very compassionate soul, & I trusted her. Still, I felt self-conscious & embarrassed. I said to myself, okay, this is how I feel, & let her know. She was great, gentle & understanding. Even so, I thought it would be easier if my hair was shorter. She helped me with that too.

When I could reach enough with one arm, I was relieved & thrilled about having made some obvious progress in my recovery.

I feel embarrassed about all my hair in the carpet. My home help support workers don't fuss over it. Nevertheless, I'm tempted to cut my hair shorter.

I'll take a year to use a bottle of shampoo!

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello mmMeKitty, Paws, Quirky, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…

 

Thank you so much for your posts..

 

My hair is long, half way to my waist….not coloured, although it has gone grey it’s more of a blonde colour…I am so sad about getting it cut, but I need to…I’ll be getting around 10 inches taken off…which will leave it a bit shorter then shoulder length…hopefully that way I can at least brush it….Thats if the hairdresser (a lady from work)…doesn’t do what most other hairdressers do and cut a few more extra inches off….my hair is very curly, bordering on frizzy…I used to straighten it every week after I washed it…can’t do that now 🥲..


I am really freaking out every time I think of that big long needle going into something that is even painful to touch…l can’t get over that fear…

 

I feel like my life was and always will be hard for me….

 

Hugs and love..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

 

 

 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Grandy, I'm sure I would be just as afraid as you. Like when I had a needle in my spine, (can't recall what was in it, only that it didn't work),just to get through it, I just about shut my brain down for the duration. Kind of like what I used to do in any highly stressful situation. Of-course,I was told to keep still, which is a phrase that can trigger me, but I had to, right? But I realised I could focus on other parts of my body, like how it feels to clengh my hands around the edge of the bed I was lying on. It was like anchoring myself too, doing that.

I also knew it would not take more than a couple minutes. That helped too.

If I could have been given something to help me to stay calm, I would have.

I don't know why I seem to think I can't ask for the smallest detail about the procedures or if I can have something to help calm me, because I'm so afraid & fear panicking while being treated.

I think, for your procedure too, moving about, or panicking, could cause problems, so I would strongly suggest to you to explain how frightened you are, & ask for help to get you through this.

It's not uncommon for people to fear needles. I'm sure the treating team will understand.

I wonder if your GP can help with this?

*

What if you say to cut your hair a couple inches longer, so. as she is combing it to cut, when it springs back to its lovely curliness, it will be where you want it. Be very clear in your explanation to her about what you want. If she does get it a bit shorter, surely it will grow again, though, sadly, not for a long time before it is as long as it is today.

I'm guessing you enjoyed all the care you took to style your hair. I was never that interested in my hair, but I hav known people who were. I've been attracted to people with wonderful heads of hair, envious I guess, but not of all the time & effort it takes to look after it.

It will be different. If you don't already, you may well want to wear a scarf aroung your neck this winter.

I took to wearing hats after I did the 'Shave for a cure' a couple times. Now, I like my hats!

Hugzies

mmMekitty

 

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello a dear mmMeKitty, and everyone…..🤗..

 

Thank you so much for your kind suggestions….

My hair has been cut…I’m not at all liking it…What was I thinking, I still can’t comb it, cause my arms won’t reach up to my head anyway….another stupid and dumb decision made by me…I don’t like me very much right now….Why didn’t I wait until after my cortisone shots…

 

I need a good sleep…I need to be able to drive my car….I feel so trapped and useless, everything is getting me down…I’m so over emotional…God knows how much I’m hoping that Wednesday week’s cortisone shot works…

 

Hugs,

Grandy..

 

 

 

 

Hi Grandy ,gentle hug. I am sorry you have been experiencing pain. If I lived closer to you and you were alright with me. I would physically help

 

And it can be challenging to make decisions when we are so tired. 

 

Just thinking about your hair. Properly a huge shock to you to see it like that. Sometimes hair cuts grow on us after a while. And in hoping this will encourage you, when you hair grows on back, it will be mostly all brand new. And it can feel nice to get brand new fresh things.

 

No need to reply to me for whatever reason. 

Hello Dear Grandy,

 

Please don't be so hard on yourself lass... getting your hair cut isn't a stupid idea... no you can't brush it at the moment, but once you start to get some movement back it will be so much easier for you to manage than trying to brush & manage with long hair. Your hair will grow back, but right now having it shorter is I think the wiser thing to do as is getting it done now... one less thing to do. 

 

Being exhausted on top of all your pain it's not surprising you are feeling so down... I'm wondering if it might help if you talk to your GP about getting something to help you sleep... getting regular sleep is so very important for your overall health.

 

A gentle hug lass

Paws